Questions for the men. Why are we so obsessed over anal sex?

[Girl]

When I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, he introduced me to anal sex. Since then, it’s been a routine every time we have sex, with 60/40 percent vaginal/anal intercourse.

It took some time to get used to it, but I learned to love it. So primal, he really worships my ass. He loves to smell my ass, eat me, cum in my ass etc. Its been a journey and as a submissive I would do anything to satisfy my man.

Lately (the past year really) it took a wrong turn, -I don’t want to do it every single time because it’s painful and demanding of what my body can take so often. I am also very uncomfortable feeling like my vagina isn’t enough. I have begged and explained in so many ways over time that I want to cut down on the anal sex, but he takes the initiative every single time and I oblige, -and feel bad after.. This circle of frustration is ending the relationship now, because I don’t feel good with sex anymore.

WHY is this such an obsession for him? Is it only because it’s a tighter hole or what drives this mad obsession of his? I know he loves me, but he just can’t seem to leave my ass alone for a single time even though he knows that it’s making me depressed. I came across this site in my anal-sex research, and why not ask the experts. Will be grateful for your thoughts on this

[Json.s]

Honest to god, sexual compatibility is a thing that A LOT of people don't discuss from the get go when they probably should.

My guess is that it's probably not "you" but more that that is his "thing" or his "fetish". I'm not AO myself but I personally really like it and I don't think I could be in a relationship without it. But people vary and I've been with girls who ONLY want anal, and girls who SOMETIMES want anal, and girls who NEVER want anal. It's an individuals preference.

One thing I will say is that if he is continuing to do something when you say no then that's a problem. There are playful no's in relationships and then there are NO no's in relationships. If he's crossing the latter's boundary then that should be a red flag.

Also it's cool that you are open to things, and tbh you probably fall in the normal range, in that a lot of girls do anal and say they don't to their friends and other guys. Guys too for that matter. But you might need to find someone who doesn't JUST want your ass for sexual compatibility.

I hope this helps!

[Girl]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts in a non-judgemental and open way, Json.s! It is helpful and brings me peace of mind to understand that this probably is a deep desire/fetish for him, rather than something he does out of boredom over our “normal” (in lack of better words) sexlife.

I guess I fall under the category “sometimes anal.” I have discovered it to be a really special intimate act. I am quite a nymphomaniac, so it’s often me who initiate sex. It’s tiresome and hurtful so experience that he is always way more enthusiastic when my ass is involved in some way.. But I also love the way he just worships the part of me that I thought as “dirty” or taboo before. It’s a state of ambivalence and frustration really!

On the matter of consent; I am not comfortable negotiating/ discussing during sex and rarely say “no”. I like to set boundaries outside of the bedroom, and I expect my partner to remember what we talked about when the sex starts..

Have a beautiful day Json.s

[Backdoorlover]

I am a man and have been called obsessed with anal before. Let me draw the picture:

First marriage, anal was a rare thing. Like once a month. She wanted it but her asshole didn’t work with us. She clenched so it was hurtfull more then enjoyable. So I gave it up. No use in assfucking a woman who hardly enjoys it once we’re doing it.

Second wife suggested anal herself after only two months in the relationship. Said she’d done it with her ex and likes it. I was happy as if I had sex for the first time. She was very good at it. Penetration went smooth and she made some sounds of joy while we’re having anal. We did it a few times a week and I loved it. But she came to the point she claimed I almost forced her to do it and she had to endure all this pain for my joy. Now understand. This same woman months before had a broad smile on her face when I unloaded in her ass. So I didn’t understand where this came from. It was a huge step toward our divorce cause I felt she lied to me from the start of the anal sex. Anal sex I didn’t ask for, by the way. Pretenting she loved anal while in fact did it out of some twisted idea of getting me under controll.

I think you confuse him and urgently need to have a VERY formward talk with him. Don’t spare him, tell him exactly what you feel and what your worries are. A man needs straight and direct information. Don’t expect him to read between the lines. Be literally.

Succes

[FarmerDan]

Anal sex should not be painful or uncomfortable to someone who's getting it regularly.
Maybe you could challenge him to improve his technique so that you'll want it more often?

[Colt1911]

As one of the members suggested, communication is key. If your partner is unwilling to listen to your concerns and desires, that will lead to resentment. My wife prefers anal only because she is unable to orgasm during vaginal penetration, but always cums during anal sex. As a man who strongly prefers anal sex, he should be happy with occasional anal sex but that might not satisfy his sexual appetite.

Does your partner totally ignore your vagina? Even though we engage in anal penetration only, I pay plenty of attention to her pussy fingering and licking during foreplay.

You both have invested three years in this relationship. I hope you are able to resolve these difference to your mutual satisfaction. If you care deeply about each other, I believe you can find some middle ground.

[Colt1911]

When I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, he introduced me to anal sex. Since then, it’s been a routine every time we have sex, with 60/40 percent vaginal/anal intercourse.

It took some time to get used to it, but I learned to love it. So primal, he really worships my ass. He loves to smell my ass, eat me, cum in my ass etc. Its been a journey and as a submissive I would do anything to satisfy my man.

Lately (the past year really) it took a wrong turn, -I don’t want to do it every single time because it’s painful and demanding of what my body can take so often. I am also very uncomfortable feeling like my vagina isn’t enough. I have begged and explained in so many ways over time that I want to cut down on the anal sex, but he takes the initiative every single time and I oblige, -and feel bad after.. This circle of frustration is ending the relationship now, because I don’t feel good with sex anymore.

WHY is this such an obsession for him? Is it only because it’s a tighter hole or what drives this mad obsession of his? I know he loves me, but he just can’t seem to leave my ass alone for a single time even though he knows that it’s making me depressed. I came across this site in my anal-sex research, and why not ask the experts. Will be grateful for your thoughts on this

I realized I didn’t directly answer your question… why we are obsessed with anal sex. I’ve always been obsessed with anal sex. The feeling for a man is so much different (better) than vaginal penetration. I enjoy teasing her ass to the point it opens up to accept toys or my cock. But the main reason I’m obsessed with anal sex is because it turns her on and makes her squirt and orgasm. My orgasms are actually better when she has strong anal orgasms. For whatever reason, anal sex works for BOTH of us, and she is just as obsessed with anal sex as I am.

[Gapeseeker]

Growing up, forbidden fruit…
It was taboo….
You feel accomplished if you get a girl to do it……

[tom]

Hi Girl,

I am sorry about what is happening to you. It seems like your boyfriend is not listening to your needs. You are kind enough to not reject anal sex but obviously he is doing something wrong. When people here tell you it should not hurt, they are not lying. But he should at least let you rest from any pain. Unfortunately, many men get their ideas about how it works from porn. There could not be a worse teacher. All porn seems to go 0-60 in no time. You have to get used to it. Plugs can help prepare and using a lot of lube helps too but if it is hurting, you must slow down and even change the diameter of any plugs you prepare with. You also must get some recuperation time. You came to the right place because there are entire guides written and referenced here. If your boyfriend is not patient enough to follow a good plan, then I would consider moving on for someone who is patient.

As you are starting to see, many men like anal but have different motivations. Some like it because they are sadistic but you will find while some men here are like that, most do not seem to have that drive. Perhaps your boyfriend is sadistic, but he just might be insensitive. Either way, he really needs to listen to your needs. My motivations are many. While more women are going anal not every woman will do it and opt for vaginal. So if a woman is going to let me try it, it feels like there is a lot of trust. It makes me feel exclusive. As far as the friction, I feel there is more in a pussy. At first anal feels tight, but it does not take long for that to change. But it still feels great to me even with less friction. Women who are really into anal tell me that the orgasms are more intense. That is a huge motivation for me to do it. I really want my woman to feel great. This gives me the perfect exchange. We are both getting exactly what we want.

There are some things to do if you are in a lot of pain to recuperate. You will need some down time. Go back with a smaller sex toy. Use coconut oil and vitamin E. The coconut oil is natural and recovering skin will take well to it since skin is made of lipid bilayer cells. The vitamin E also increases this recovering process. Aloe is likely to do the same. I would avoid using products that mask the pain. The pain is telling you that what is happening is not right. If you need pain relief to get rest at night, then go ahead and do that since sleep helps recovery. However, I would take it easy on activity until you do not need pain relief anymore.

If you must, you may need to take a little time away from him. Perhaps he will appreciate you more. But even if he does not, you seem like someone who aims to please and there are plenty of other men who will appreciate that and not push you beyond your limits. Good luck and hope you find the experience you are looking for.

[Rimmer]

You certainly can become obsessed with anal. It’s like getting a long run of anal, having vaginal seems to spoil the run. My wife, who when we met hadn’t had and didn’t like the idea of anal, eventually asked if I wanted to go AO. I would have said we then became 80-90% AO for three or four years, but I have been thinking lately about this and really, we were 95-99% AO. Several years into our marriage, she discovered that she wanted to be submissive (she later discovered she was a ‘Brat’ and a ‘switch’, terms we had not heard of until we looked into our relationship and found others were like this and there were names for things). And I guess AO was a dominance thing, though my love of anal did not stem from that, that happened earlier as a young teenager. When she asked if I wanted to exclusively use her ass, it was like ‘coming out’ and felt great. As far as your pussy being loose or looser than your ass. We have actually started having more vaginal sex because my wife’s pussy has become looser, go figure? We got into fisting, her vagina was not getting used, only by dildos, so we started fisting. A few months in we decided to have vaginal sex, just to see if she did in fact feel looser, it felt great for both of us. The contrast between her tight ass hole and her loose (looser) pussy gives two great sensation options. When her pussy was tighter, I just preferred her ass. It is funny that we started fisting because my dick was not gong in her pussy, hardly, and so it didn’t matter one jot if she got stretched out; but now we both love the feel. I guess we are currently an anal couple who have quite a bit of vaginal sex, like a vaginal couple who have started having more anal sex. Have you ever gone ass to pussy? Some people find they can do it with no consequence, we have done it many times with no bother – first by accident, and then when there was no harm we tried on purpose and still no harm (infection) some here have said they can do it and others have said they get in infection, must be down to body chemistry. It’s maybe a bit of a crazy thing to suggest, but what if he was taking you anally and you invited him straight into you pussy, might that tempt him back into your vagina? You would have to be prepared to go get some antibiotics if you did get an infection. Then you would know not to do it again. That may have been a suggestion too far, but I am just thinking what might break the long chain of anal. If mentally he’s racking them up like a score card. Anyway I hope you sort it out so you are both happy.