I will try to keep this as short as I can, but it might go on a bit. Sorry if I bum anyone out, but maybe this will be a lessons learned for others.
In short, I hate the intimacy in my marriage. I am a guy that needs constant physical attention. I never get bored of my partner. In the past few years we hardly do anything fun. I am a big anal lover and she does give me anal about once a week, but that's it... nothing else, and it is all on schedule. Ass up, give her a massage to get her in the mood, stick it in, if I come in 2 minutes that's my ticket gone for the week.
I am from Eastern Europe but lived around Europe due to parent's work. Swiss, Germany, France, Luxembourg before settling in the UK.
I met my current wife in 2003, this was after I broke up with my college sweetheart of 5 years, I was in my last year at University. Kay and I were virgins when we got together, and we learned together, it was very experimental, we did everything and anywhere, and we gave each other pleasure. My ex was amazing, this is how I learned that I love anal and that I love pleasing just as much as receiving. I need to make sure that my partner receives as much if not more than she gives. After 5 years we split up as it was the only relationship and we were too young to settle.
Anyhow, here comes my wife, to which my mum kinda introduced us, I just turned 23 and was still living at home with mum as my dad passed away a few years back. She just arrived in London from Manchester, where she came out of a long term relationship with a much older guy, I think it was around 20 years her senior. The guy basically made her come to the UK, she is from Eastern Europe, and kinda left her there, we found out later that he had another woman. I am born 1980 she is 1981. Anyhow, we just fell for each other. She also had a friend stuck to her hip which I ended up paying for every time we went out, she didn't join us in the bedroom though , that would have been interesting. Looking back I think we were each other's rebound... which should have been a HUGE Red Flag, but what did I know at that age, not experienced with different relationships.
I should mention that in my opinion this little combination makes the perfect relationship: %25 of each [Communication, Loyalty, Respect and Intimacy].
I can't recall how the next 5 years went by, I was finishing University, working on my career progression, as at the time in the UK foreigners couldn't get work permits except for self employed, every Eastern European was either doing construction (men) or cleaning domestic/hotel (women). So she did some shop work then went into cleaning. In the meanwhile UK was getting a lot of Eastern Europeans so I meat a whole bunch of wonderful girls, but nothing came of it, however I saw a lot of them hungry to do better, work, uni courses etc. Where my GF was just happy doing cleaning. My mum wasn't that keen on her at this point, same reason I guess, that she just settled and never wanted to push herself to do more. Also, I didn't realised at the time, but all the fun we had, all the travels etc was because I was leading all the time. I guess this is something she was used to with the older guy, him pretty much taking her everywhere, eye candy for his buddies, with very classical sex... missionary in different places, that was the sexual exploration for them.
When it came to sex, she just adapted to what the person liked but had no sexual preference of her own, again, I never realised that until recently... 10 years later of adding things up. She was very open to anal and we did it regularly, I actually thought she liked it, she never said otherwise and I always told her how much I loved it and how much I was into it.
As I was working hard on my career progression and paying off University debts, I still lived at home. She was around around 5 nights a week. I had a good job working my way up. Got my motorbike then my car, both new from the showroom. I was at home only strategically, I knew that I wanted to save as much money as possible to buy my own place, not move out to pay rent.
My GF/Wife, let's call her Clarissa, after 5 years together she just wanted to move in together somewhere, she gave me an ultimatum, move together or finish our relationship. I chose to finish the relationship.
For 3 months in 2008 I went out with a bunch of women, had sex, even did some France trip on the motorbike with a bunch of other bikers. I must have been lucky but all the women I went out with were great and I could have pursued any of the relationships. I ended up with a great woman, about 5 years younger. She had to stay at my place for around two week as she was in-between places. She worked as a Nanny but was looking at doing some studies, can't recall what.
The sex with her was AMAZING. The best I EVER had in my life. She knew what she liked, how to please someone, she was naughty... she was PERFECT, my perfect Nicole.
I remember one night we were having sex, she was soooo wet that, I swear to God, it slipped into her but, it was not intentional. It went in so easy and she did not complain, just making more noises and going crazy. I asked her if she was OK with Anal and she said, yeah no problem. So every time we had sex I pretty much got to enjoy her amazing ass. She was something...
In early 2008, around February Clarissa and I got in touch, can't recall why exactly. But she told me she was alone and I felt bad for her, so I took her out. Little did I knew that she was actually seeing someone else, if I did, I would have never went out. Anyhow, we were out and after I drove her home, things happened, she invited me upstairs, and one thing led to another we had sex. This was just before Valentine's Day.
Nicole told me to get ready to go to her place on Valentine's, she just moved in to a new studio after staying with me for two weeks. She planned something... whatever it was I never got to see it, as on that day I ended up going to Clarissa's and boy did we have sex like we never had before. Seriously, she was dressed so sexy and the sex was AMAZING, we had multiple Anal sessions which drove me nuts. So nuts in fact I called Nicole and broke it off with her... YES on Valentine's Day, what a fucking asshole was I? It seems I am a very simple man, give me Anal, I give you absolutely anything and everything. So we got back together... I was only dating Nicole for about a month and all the past feelings, combine with her Anal skills on the day pretty much sealed my fate.
My mum was NOT happy.
Shortly after we got back together I had a bunch o unfortunate events, car accidents and lost my job due to some idiot, probably for the better in the long run.
I had a new job by this time, paying a lot more than my last, and few months later Clarissa and I were on a mission, we bough a 3bd house, thanks to the recessions house prices fell and we got a good deal, all was good, left home and told mum "bye bye". I don't think mum realised how determined we were. Refurbished it, moved in, honeymoon sex was great, I was getting anal even 4 5 times a day.
Getting the house was hard, mainly due to Clarissa not being able to show her income. Cash in hand, low income, the Bank didn't like that, especially after the recession, they started being a lot more careful. So, I faked all her documentation... yep, I had some skills and used them to fake her financial documentation in order to buy the house.
My relationship with mum pretty much got fucked up after this. She didn't think Clarissa was a good fit and she wanted someone better for me. All parent want that and all children pick the worst partner they can find in spite
fast forward, just under 2 years and the company I joined got bough out and they got rid of a whole bunch of people, the last people that joined were the first to go, I was one of them but as I was just under 2 years so I never got a severance package. As the UK was was still affected by the recession, with us it was about a year or so later than the US, I found it hard to get a new job, was out of work for about 5 months and financially we were struggling on just her cleaning money. I ended working in Nando's on the grill. Was a simple job but the people I worked with were 100 time better than the office pricks I had the pleasure of meeting in my professional career.
The money strain kinda screwed our sex life too, Clarissa was stressed and she said this was affecting her mental ability to have intimacy, I was a little stressed, I never get stressed, not really in the sense, I am always clam. For me sex is so important that nothing would kill it.
I managed to land a great job, working for a big American corporate, more money, travel to the US, which by the way I loved and wished I relocated there but Clarissa didn't wanted, too far from Europe.
Due to the bad experience when I was out of work, and the stress on Clarissa, plus seeing our sex life and my anal action falling, remember what I said, you give me anal and I give you all that I can... don't know why but that's how I function. So due, to the bad experience every penny I had extra, I put into our mortgage, I vowed that I would pay off the house so that Clarissa will never have stress due to money problems, no stress anal for me
In addition, she pushed to get married, I went for it as by marrying me she could apply for the UK citizenship and be able to work anything she wanted except cleaning.
One thing I wanna shoot myself for, is that I had colleagues which were involved with Bitcoin, at the time it was peanuts for a BTC.... and even though I was in the tech business, i thought it was a novelty coin, a gimmick. I knew its limitations and knew it could never replaces a credit card... guess what.... 10 years later $50k+ what a fool was I
I thought I throw that in there.
End of 2012, Americans decide to kill my UK department and give the jobs to their side . This time I got a nice severance package that went straight into my diminishing mortgage.
As I didn't wanted a repeat of previous years, I just accepted the first job offer I got. It was a shit job, same thing I was doing, just a really shit company that didn't value its staff, but I was making money and paying off the mortgage.
Between 2010 and 2013 he Sex was OKish but it never returned to the honeymoon period, nor did I ever receive the same treatment I did on Valentine's Day of 2008. A big red flag for me should have been that she NEVER had any sexual preferences, no fantasies NOTHING. Even when we travelled or went in holidays, it was about relaxing, not having crazy sex. I loved going down which she didn't, I actually miss eating pussy and ass... soo much. I also stopped booking holidays and time away. I let her go see her mum and I just work and pay off stuff.
I was hoping that she might do something and surprised me. Actually I am lying, I was very surprised in 2020, heart attack surprise.
Still working for the same shitty company, got two amazing job offers, one was in Gibraltar, sunny amazing quality of life, I would have lived in south of Spain and worked in Gibraltar, I was ready to move, pretty much agreed to the offer, was looking at relocating companies to help me move my stuff. the idea was that I move out there, wait for the probation period to end, then she would join me. Bam! I get a second job offer for a massive company in the Middle East for shit loads of money.
I took the money... and pulled the plug on the other job. To this day I don't know if it was the better choice, career wise it definitely was, life choice... don't know.
Before leaving to the Middle East I got some good anal , but just once and I pretty much came in 2 minutes. This started to happen the less anal I got. When I got it, I was like a fat kid in a candy store.
Worked in the Middle East for year, paid off %60 of the mortgage. She visited me every 3 months, we had good sex. I was briefly tempted to cheat on her but never did, my mission was to make money and pay off the house.
Got back from the Middle East, had good experience, decided to do some training to advance my career, went on training, took Clarissa with me just because I wanted her to stop the damn manual labour work, domestic cleaning.
The relationship with mum was still shit, she never came to visit my new home and we were always fighting. Clarissa hated her as she said a few things and hurt her. I actually don't recall what it was but Clarissa never forgot and never will until death.
Mum was also old school, as dad was Architect and mum a Teacher, she wanted a daughter in law that she could be proud of, tell people that what my son and daughter in law have these jobs and do well. Cleaning for 10 years just wasn't quite doing it. Honestly speaking, I started to get bothered by it too, just seeing she had no ambition to do better, she talked about opening her of cleaning business but she never did it, even though I encouraged her, did business card, was working on a mock website... nothing. I made a choice between the woman that raised me alone and the woman i was with. So I picked her as she was my new family, it made sense, plus I wanted that anal to be good, no stress for Clarissa.
I start doing contract work and one day I tell Clarissa "that's it, stop what you are doing and start looking for office work". It was scary for her but I pushed her. She had the certification she did coming to my course but no experience. So again I do something dodgy, I faked her CV, completely fabricated a new persona. I was very careful doing so, mainly using big companies that went out for business and using my work references/colleagues was her reference.
It worked and she got a great job, pretty much tripling her cleaning salary. We were both doing well, but the sex just went down more. This time the excuse was that she felt under pressure at work, due to bing fake, so she had to work hard an prove herself, causing her stress, thus shit sex for me. Anal become once a week, this was just a tick-box on her to do list. Ass up, get massage from me, stick it in, however long I manage to last and that was it. I even got the very sexy and hot "Let's just get it over with" or "Just hurry up".
I paid off the mortgage by 2016, mum and I started to have a good relationship, she came around, she was so proud of us, especially Clarissa. She would tell everyone what her daughter in law was doing
I didn't get to enjoy this better period as both our mums were diagnosed with Cancer. Both of us single children, both raised only by our mums.
As you can imagine, our sex life went down the shitter. She locked up, she said it was mental due to the stress and though of losing her mum. I was resentful. After all I made the choice of selecting her and my family, put my mum second, and now she was dying, 5 6 years of bickering and hate wasted. As I mentioned, life goes on and you have to realise that, all we can do is be there for our mums but also for each other. The intimacy and healthy sex life should not take a hit.
I ended up buying lots of sexy clothes for her, toys etc.... hoping to give our diminishing sex life some life. Nothing worked. She wore some of the stuff a few times and then they all went in a box never to be used again. Kept buying stuff never to be used.
I used to go to naughty sites to buy things, reading the reviews, looking at the things, and in my head I was getting really excited thinking how we will use them. This was my high, getting excited about the possibility, and yet it never materialised.
Every year Clarissa would ask me, "What do you want for your birthday/Christmas" and I would reply "You know that Valentine's day back in 2008, that please". The wishing is all I was given, hoping that I would one day get m present.
I won't lie, I did get a few very hot sessions that ended in anal. I would probably say 4 or 5 since 2015. Just enough to leave me wanting more.
I started going to porn sites, PornHub was my preferred site. I would mainly look for amateur anal sex. At that time you didn't get as much anal content as now, compared 2021 with 5 6 years ago, wow... the amount of couples doing anal is crazy. I think Danika Mori, for whoever knows of her, was my go to girl. Thing is that it started with, "wow look at that couple, I wish that was us". It went from fantasising of Clarissa and I doing those things to now just wishing ANY of those women were my wife instead of her. I would seriously divorce and marry anyone that gave me anal on the spot... that's how sexually frustrated and depressed I am. Clarissa started to make me feel like something was wrong with me for wanting and enjoying anal. I told her that she knew my sexual preferences, she said "I thought it was a phase". Like i said, it's not just anal, I love the full package experience... but since she is boring and nothing is fun, all I get is ass almost all weekends. As I said, this is scheduled, most of the time rushed and not really fun, but I get what I can get.
It got to the point where I am not even masturbating, I just watch and wish I had what the couple in the video have, wish the woman in the video was my wife. This gets me really depressed. The amount wasted on porn sites is staggering, if i was to estimate I would say months of my life. I've also saved most of the videos i watch. I guess it is a reminder of my failure. Due to wishing any of them being my wife, I started mainly looking at solo acts and not as much at couples. Solo girls with dildos, fisting etc. Started to spend more and more time on Chaturbate, haven't paid for it. Love blondcandy on there. Worth mentioning, last blow job I had was in 2011... yep.
I just had a look and I have 700GB of porn, 10200 files. That's a staggering 10k times of watching porn. If each file is between 1 minute and 30 minutes that would make it a total of 4 MONTHS of my life sent on porn because of Clarissa. I wished I had 4 months more with mum or dad
I did voice my concern, that I was not happy and our sex life sucked. her reply was "I thought we were great", "If you are not happy and you feel like that, there is the door". I stayed because I am an idiot, hoping for better when things are getting worse.
On top of everything, mum was getting sicker, more needy, Clarissa more stressed by mum's calls and neediness. And I would keep pushing mum back. What a shit son have I become... just because of the need to have good sex and ass. Clarissa's mum on the other hand got better, she is in remission for the past 6 years, hopefully it will stay like that.
This is another reason I remained in the relationship, I didn't feel that it was right and would make things more difficult for us and our mums if we split up.
Clarissa starts talking about children. That we haven't had any and that she is almost 40, the age at which the NHS in the UK stops providing free IVF to couples that can't conceive. We book a check-up, we end up going inside the room where I have to deposit my specimen. I am shocked... Clarissa becomes a Vixen, anything to get me hard and off. I was surprised, due to the lack of in the past few years, that I didn't know what to say. She gave me a blow job then turned around, ass spread, and she says to eat her out. I do that and put my fingers up her ass whilst masturbating to get that specimen out into the little tub. All great, never got anything like that after we left the hospital that day.
Mum got worse, the pandemic hid us, In April last year mum passed away. I was sad but at the same time I was glad, glad because I thought finally, we have been stuck together at home since February last year, with mum gone we now have the chance to heal ourselves, see if our intimacy can be fired up again. My plan was to use this as an opportunity to see where we are heading, can we heal and work on our intimacy? If not then my plan was to leave. I was free to do so, no baggage, no issues, divide assets, I calculated how much more I put in the house... just a nice friendly divorce.
Well that wasn't going to happen. For whatever reason Clarissa worked more and more by working from home. Sex was even worse. So at the end of February I decided, let's see what happens if I never initiate sex, don't talk about it, never tell her that I want any.
2 months go by, I get blue balls, I just can't handle it, I grab her in the kitchen and we have sex. Same thing happened one more time that week. Guess what, she gets pregnant... hell yeah. That was the last time I had sex in 2020.
This is a stressful time for us, due to the pandemic it is very hard to sort things out for mum. Mum wanted to be repatriated and due to lock-down and flight restrictions we had to wait until July. At this time Clarissa can't travel, so I end up going alone. Whilst abroad I may have gotten Covid, I say "may" because I never got an official test, but the people that were around that also had symptoms did have positive results. i did one of them self tests and it came positive. In my case I had symptoms but not like everyone else. Instead o losing smell and taste, mine was accentuated, so I would feel everyone too salty, too chemical, too much spice etc. I could smell a far a mile away So go figure. Before leaving I did do a full health check, including CT Scan on lungs. It all seemed good, no Covid lung problems or whatever it can damage long term.
Due to being infected and some travel restrictions, I was stuck abroad for a month. To this day Clarissa makes me feel like shit any chance she has. What a shit husband and father I am for leaving her alone for a month whilst pregnant.
Anyhow, funeral stuff, inheritance, documentation etc took time to sort out, so the month there was too short, still didn't finish everything I needed to.
Whilst I was there I talked to a few women, honestly, it was just to see if I could. Nothing happened, also met up with a few old secondary school colleagues. Some of the women really kept themselves amazingly hot, all married though I think good women are hard to come by from 30+ probably just like men. Even thought men at 30 are still 15... so not sure. Look at me, sex is driving my being.
At the time, I didn't know how I felt about her pregnancy, I am still not happy. The reason is that we had some serious issues that needed to be solved, not stick a child banded on it and hope for the best. To me it was mixed feeling, I wanted children so much, just not with her.
As I my feeling were all over the place and wasn't sure about me as a man, I went on a few local forums, looking at prostitutes. I found some really good reviews for one in particular. I send a WhatsApp message, we talk, she seemed really nice. I end up going, I was very nervous, seriously, like I was on a date in 20 years... which kinda was. Her name was Lory, nor her real name of course. She was alone, with her own place, so nice and safe. She was really nice and welcoming. I told her that I loved anal, but one thing I loved was giving pleasure to my partner. Due to the nature of her business I didn't quite felt safe giving oral and going all out. My cock was in her ass for at least 40 minutes straight. We kept moving in different positions, gave her a bit of massage, the stuff I do to Clarissa to put her in the mood for anal... or what I do to receive anal better said. I guess this is now pre-programmed, give massage to get anal Needless to say, I felt like a man, I felt good, something I haven't felt in about 6 years.
I decided to go see her again, this time she was comfortable with me, she also go some baby oil for me to massage. I know it is her job, and since I sure as hell don't think I can truly give sexual pleasure to a prostitute, the massage was probably the closest I could get to give her real pleasure. She really seemed to enjoy it very much, and the sex was even better than the previous day.
That was the last time I went to see Lory, I wanted to go see her a few more times, but the experiences showed me exactly what was wrong with me... nothing. I am not some kind of deviant, perverse, I just have a specific sexual preferences and a very healthy sexual appetite. Honestly speaking I don't even know if I would want anal every day, considering that oral sex, exploring, sexy fun is gone from my life... I have no idea what it would be like to have a sexual partner. All I know is that this part of my life is affecting my mental state. I feel depressed, sexually frustrated, repressed and suppressed.
After I returned home, I left my job so I could be there for her, she praised me and I was the perfect husband... slowly dying inside of me. We've found out that she was having twins too, something that doesn't run in our families. She asked me how I felt about having the girls. I told her, the problem wasn't the girls but us. I told her that I was worried the kids would break our fragile relationship, that we didn't have time to heal and see where we were heading. If our foundation was broken, we couldn't start building a new floor.
I was there for her every step of the way, apparently I was perfect until the birth and then by the 2nd month I become useless, no good asshole. It seems that everything I do is wrong. Her mum came to stay with us after the first month and it looks like they have teamed up against me. I got sex twice, just before everything went shitty, and to my surprise it was anal. My reward for being good. Since now I become bad, I get no sex, I become more frustrated thus more bad, can't help it. The girls are great and I love them, but every day I get hit with the fact that I am now locked in a life I do not want. I want to be there for my girls, but every day it is killing me inside, I got to the point that I wish myself dead, that way everyone will be happy. I have no other immediate family, no one is going to miss me, she will get insurance pay-off and all the money and assets, life will be good for her and the girls. The girls are non identical, one from my side of the family the other hers. I now have a concern that the one that looks like her may have Autism, just early signs, I really hope this isn't the case. If it is, I think our relationship is even more screwed... and I doubt it will ever survive.
Every day I hate Clarissa, I hate her for putting me in this position and the position of wishing myself dead in order to just make everyone happy. As a mother her instincts are now the girls %100, in my case is more about protecting, wanting to make sure their future is set. She wants me to be there next to her 24/7 doing baby stuff. And you know what, I would be there alongside her mentally, in spirit, physically if she was any of the women I see on PornHub and Chaturbate... or Nicole. I have come to regret the day we went out, should have left it as it was. I think that the 1980 generation and before are less sexually open and don't like exploring. I just got a bad apple.
I regret having a partner that I have been with 20 years that is completely incompatible sexually, boring, someone that doesn't excite me, someone that doesn't surprise me, someone that has nothing in common with me, she has no hobbies, no interests, nothing we can explore together, we've never had sex anywhere but the house. The fact that a woman is pregnant and has no sexual appetite is just weird and wrong. Isn't pregnancy supposed to make women go sexually nuts with no inhibitions?
Physically we are not active and I would so love to be with someone active, I've always been an outdoors guy, loved riding my bike or doing outdoor stuff, now I am a house cat. I stopped riding my motorbike, I stopped working out... I wish I had someone that could push me, motivate me.
I become even more depressed when I realised that everything I have achieved was all on my own. With her or without, I would be in the same place or better with the right kind of motivation. She keeps saying that she is the best thing that happened to me... sure... gave me ultimatum then pushed me to buy a house and commit fraud in doing so. I believe that if I had a different partner next to me, someone more ambitious, more adventurous, more fun, we would have achieved even better things. Travelled the world, financially more stability... just more fun and healthier life. More fulfilled, and yes sexually too as it is a big part of our beings.
I feel better just writing this. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it.
Feel free to provide any feedback, advice, divorce lawyer recommendations.
I think my options are very limited:
1) Stay for the girls and be miserable for the rest of my life. I can focus on them all my frustration and energy, no idea if it will work and what will happen. By the time the girls would be old enough for me to leave and enjoy life, I would be almost 60... what the crap am I going to do at that age? My mum was diagnosed when she was 65 so yeah sure... lets look forward to the 60s.
2) Divorce, she will take everything I have worked so hard in order to give her, the stress free life she wanted. Stay close by in order to co-raise our girls, but I don't know if I can afford to stay in London.
3) Divorce and follow my path, this means looking for work wherever it takes me, moving away, finding a more affordable region. Moving to a different country. I would still opt for the US or maybe France:). This means that I am going to be the asshole father that left his family.
4) Die, Clarissa and the girls get around £2 mill... sorted. Everyone happy.
And all this just because I got tricked into thinking I had a anal loving woman next to me
Depressing life choices and what can happen if you are with the wrong partner... especially when it comes to sexuality, you suffocate.
Seriously, what are my choices?
Then use a mixer and say they're lost... then let her take half of whatever you deem appropriate after that.
Women have way too much privilege and getting half for doing something like having children, which is a privilege denied biologically to men, is absurd.
Literally make money in crypto and do what you want.
I've only skim through and read in detail some of what you wrote.
Crypto... learn it then lose it carefully. Well worth your time and the reward if you know what you are doing is a wealthy retirement.
Oh in Thailand you will find many women, good and bad... but you will find them at any age.
Oh my gosh, read more about hormones, please. No, it's not weird at all, and for sure it's not wrong. One pregnant woman is more horny than usually, buy other one has her libido somewhere deep down in the Atlantic see. And even the same woman while first pregnancy can be horny, while second pregnancy can be opposite.
To be specific, most of my female friends had lower libido while pregnancy and lactation than before.
I read your story and can't believe how many wrong decisions you made. Have you ever talked, but I mean REALLY TALKED, about you preferencies and needs? Not while you both are angry, but normal and kind conversation what do you (both of you) need, what expectations you have and what options you have to solve yours frustration.
Believe me, there is a lof of open-minded woman, maybe your wife is able to help you but really need to talk about your feelings, not only about sexual needs. At the beginning she might not agree with your ideas, thoughts, but later it may change.
For example, I'm not so horny as my husband. 1-2 per week it's fine for me, but my husband needs 1-2 per day. My sex refusing brought frustration to our (really good) relation, but we talked about it, and we dacided to make a rule "free access" with orgasm denying, that means, I can't refuse sex and I need to ask for permission to cum (he denies often to make me more horny and it works!). At the beginning I wasn't easy for me to follow that rule, but really fast I noticed huge improvment in our relation. My husband isn't frustrated any more, and we both are happy because of it. And right, we have anal sex 2-3 per day, weekends even more. I'm still no so horny as my husband, but I'm doing this for him, myself and us as a couple. It really works in our case.
Maybe our solution itn's an option in your marriage, but there is a lot other possibilities like open marriage, swinging, polygamy, etc. Just talk to her, not once, make a shedule for regular conversations. Since we started domestic discipline, every Sunday morning we have a time to talk about our feelings, needs, desires, goals, disappointments, failures, etc. and it's a really good thing to improve marriage. At the beginning it's difficult to be fully honest, but if your doing something on a regular basic, it's easier with every next conversation.
I'm really not sure what else may help than honesty and true willingness (yours and hers) to improve your marriage and meet both sides expectations.
Divorce is always an option.
You have one life, don't waste it.
P.S. Read about Domestic Discipline, believe me, a lot of women needs that to be a better person/wife/mother. We are 2 years in DD dynamic and nothing works better on my attitude than good spanking.