Is your partner satisfied?

[afx]

The AO ultimatums some guys throw about are definitely not healthy. There has to be some give and take.

[taylork]

The AO ultimatums some guys throw about are definitely not healthy. There has to be some give and take.

The way i see it there are two type on this forum. I dont want to start up a flame or anything but there are some saying "i told her we'll have AO" or "he told me we would be AO" and i have nothing to say to them. This is all some control bs and nothing to do with AO really.

[analsexonly]

It depends—some people are consensually in a relationship that's around control because that's what they want and what turns them on, and that's totally fine because they've agreed to it in advance and continue to agree to it. (Any healthy relationship involving control allows them to get out of it if at any point it goes too far.) But people who have not agreed to such a thing and have a partner force something like anal only onto them is clearly wrong.

[RHume]

As somebody who is in a long term D/s relationship, if my partner were truly unhappy with our AO relationship, I would alter it. I do rather wish people would learn a bit about things without just flat condemning things they don't understand.

[marcus]

As somebody who is in a long term D/s relationship, if my partner were truly unhappy with our AO relationship, I would alter it. I do rather wish people would learn a bit about things without just flat condemning things they don't understand.

I'll admit that I too am just a little confused by the language used. You see, what I don't get, is that if these kind of relationships are voluntary and agreed by both participants as you say, then why the need to tell people what they should be doing? Isn't this all about acting and role-play? The way I see it is that either there is coercion or it's all just a game.

[RHume]

In general, in healthy D/s relationships, a Dominant and a submissive compliment each other. In my case, in particular, my fiance/submissive doesn't like to make decisions, and has issues with taking responsibility for those things. And she isn't alone. I don't *force* her to do anything. In most Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationships like we have, there is the concept of consensual non-consent. We dated/talked/were friends for about six months before I offered her a collar, and let her know the terms of accepting it. She did that of her own accord, and by accepting that, I have consent to do what I feel is best for her. In exchange for my guidance and help, she serves me. It's as simple as that.

Domination and submission does NOT equal abuse. If you feel you've been forced by somebody claiming to be a Dominant, outside of a committed relationship, that is abuse. And if you're in a consensual D/s relationship, and the Dominant pushes you too far, or beyond what limits you've previously agreed upon, or ignores a safe word, that's abuse.

[nopussy]

AO for us wasn't something that happened by design. I never asked for it, we just sort of drifted into it. I explain here how it happened: http://www.analonlylifestyle.com/viewto ... 7946#p7946. I guess AO became "official" once she quit using birth control. But I'd always be happy to start having vaginal sex again, and she knows this.

Anyway, yes, I'm quite sure that she's satisfied. We have a wonderful sex life, and each of us have always been very open about what we want sexually. I'd be very surprised and very devastated if she cheated on me because she felt dissatisfied with our sex life.

how everyone should be into it

I don't believe that everyone should be into it. A lot of people aren't into anal and that's fine. And even most people into anal probably wouldn't want to go AO. In fact, one of the things I've found surprising about this forum is how many people are trying to bring about AO intentionally. I expected there to be more people who drifted into it "by accident", like my girlfriend and I did, and people who have to be AO due to medical problems with the vagina.

[nopussy]

Also I would say: Human sex is highly varied.

I think that this is the number 1 message for anyone wondering "how could women (or men) possibly enjoy that?!"

Anyway, I'd actually question just how much most women do care about vaginal sex in itself. It seems to me that the more important thing for women's sexual pleasure is clitoral stimulation. I agree with Marquis that it would be odd for a woman to want total abstinence from the pussy, including abstaining from clitoral stimulation. But AO need not go to that extreme.

[analsexonly]

I agree with Marquis that it would be odd for a woman to want total abstinence from the pussy, including abstaining from clitoral stimulation. But AO need not go to that extreme.

For many who this appeals to, it's is a kink relating to denial. Some level of a denial kink is fairly common in women (though certainly doesn't appeal to everyone), so that's likely why there's a prevalence of clitoral abstinence-relted discussion as a subset of anal only. However, there is also the appeal of being able to orgasm exclusively from anal, which some women can do naturally, and some have learned to do by abstaining from any other stimulation for a while (but not everyone can do—some simply require clitoral stimulation). So, it's understandable that many people may wish to experiment with it, if only for a period of time.

[gurlcrazy]

I will let my play partner speak for herself when she gets to this thread, but she cums *much* harder from anal. If she wanted vaginal I'd probably do it, but she really doesn't seem that interested. I suspect vaginal sex seems mundane to her now. It seems to be hard for women to find guys who are *truly* into anal only, and who are also *good at it*. Guys who know only the brutal pounding seen in porn are unlikely to do well even with women who prefer anal.