Questions

Curious about the anal only lifestyle or anal sex in general but have questions or concerns? Ask away here.
Regent
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Re: Questions

Post by Regent » Fri May 11, 2018 10:45 am

uncertain wrote:We went to our therapy session on Friday.

Could I ask you - what was that? I mean, that is a kind of the therapy???
PM, if open mind and able to share your own expirience ;)

uncertain
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Re: Questions

Post by uncertain » Sat May 12, 2018 7:24 am

Regent wrote:
uncertain wrote:We went to our therapy session on Friday.

Could I ask you - what was that? I mean, that is a kind of the therapy???

Yes, relationship counselling.

taylork
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Re: Questions

Post by taylork » Sun May 13, 2018 2:03 pm

That's more great news uncertain. Unlike many women you've taken the time to investigate this and think about what it will mean for you both. You've not outright rejected it but keeping an open mind. I think this shows how much you want your marriage to work. I think youve made the best decision.

Lost of women have exactly the same fears and doubts you have (my girlfriend did too at first). But you have nothing to lose by giving it a few months and see what happens. Listen to people like MrsCanassman who have done all this before. The biggest step is wanting to do anal and not feeling you have to. After that it gets easier and easier and i promise you that your husband will notice the change and everything between you will improve. And hes's giving just as much as you are right now.

I hope you don't get too hung up on the female identity thing or think it over too much. Your still a women and its you your husband wants to be with. And its natural for men and women both to have anal sex and enjoy it.

The gift mrscanassman mentions is that this will open up a whole new world for you. You don't have to use any birth control (which messes up your body). And gift to your husband too. All sorts of positives come from having anal sex.

kingsman
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Re: Questions

Post by kingsman » Tue May 15, 2018 12:30 pm

I've been reading with interest and thought I would chip in although it is a bit like the blind leading the blind. My situation is the inverse of yours, as in I'm like your husband (or probably so given what we know) in that I seek an anal only relationship with my girlfriend. As a man and partner I can say that if he's discovered that anal is his thing then I don't think it will change. I could never go back now and pretend it didn't exist. More and more I finding it to be what I want to do, what I crave, what I dream about. Because basically it is much more satisfying and pleasurable to me and vaginal just isn't in the same league.

I'd like to say that this isn't a failing on your part or his. It's just his preference which we all have. It doesn't make me think any less of my girlfriend or her as a woman. It may sound hard to believe but the fact that she is willing to allow me anal sex with her makes her more attractive in my eyes, more feminine and more desirable. I've never felt this close to a women and I think this is why.

Granted, my girlfriend is somewhat further advanced that you and more experienced by the sounds of it. She loves it and I love it too so that it would make sense if we made it the default. I have no idea if you are or can be the same, but from what you say you are prepared to see what will be which I think shows your true character. I'm sure your husband adores you despite the recent problems and if you go easy and learn together maybe you can also makes this work for you. Most people around here just say that it takes time. Be happy, because he obviously finds you sexy and I think maintaining your positivity will help you learn to love anal every bit as much as he does.

Don't forget to keep us informed of developments :D

uncertain
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Re: Questions

Post by uncertain » Thu May 17, 2018 10:06 am

Our next therapy/counselling session tomorrow. I'll let you all know how things go there.

At home there has been a tangible change in the atmosphere. We've (under instructions) spent a couple of evenings just doing fun stuff together which doesn't involve sex. An we have to set aside some time each day just to communicate. Nothing special, just about our days etc.

In the bedroom is getting better too, now that he knows exactly what he's getting an I have consented. A simple agreement (if you can stick to it) knocks that issue on the head. How long we will continue solely having anal sex is anybody's guess. I'm definitely more relaxed and finding the penetration easier. Much to my surprise the increase in frequency has not been so much of a problem as I expected. It's not hurting basically. The only thing that I don't like so much are the bathroom visits after and that while I can sometimes get aroused during, I can't come that way, so I need to give him a nudge after when he's tempted to nod off that I need some attention.

The things you never thought you would do in order to save a relationship...

zarafan
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Re: Questions

Post by zarafan » Thu May 17, 2018 7:48 pm

I've been reading your discussions with great interest and hope, Uncertain, and I share the consensus of our group that you and your husband will find a way to make everything work out for your mutual happiness, pleasure, and sense of togetherness. And I'll add that I wish I had had a partner as understanding and committed to the relationship as you are.

If I may offer two points of only semi-solicitied advice: first, I hope and trust your husband recognizes how important it is for both of you that you remain sexually satisfied in the relationship, and that this needs to be as much of a priority for him as it is for you. There are lots of ways for women to climax and I hope you will both enjoy discovering them. Speaking from my own experience, my favorite position for anal sex was/is to have my partner on top of me, and taking turns stimulating her clitoris while I penetrate her anally: the most satisfying orgasms I've ever experienced have been when my partner has cum that way!

And if you dislike the aftereffects of anal sex in terms of going to the bathroom, may I suggest--since this is something that almost all of my partners have all objected to as well--that he not cum inside of you. This doesn't need to be a porno-style "facial" climax, but I've often made it a kind of game with my partners--would you like me to finish on your breasts, on your back, on your ass? As long as you are each enjoying one another's company and one another's pleasure, it's all good!! I hope my advice isn't too graphic, and that it will help, because like everyone here, I'm rooting for you!

Regent
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Re: Questions

Post by Regent » Fri May 18, 2018 9:46 am

uncertain wrote: I'm definitely more relaxed and finding the penetration easier. Much to my surprise the increase in frequency has not been so much of a problem as I expected.

Wow! My congratulations! :o
How often do you have anal sex? Every days, couole times of week?
How long? 8-)
PM, if open mind and able to share your own expirience ;)

kingsman
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Re: Questions

Post by kingsman » Fri May 18, 2018 1:09 pm

I think you are doing amazingly well thus far. About any after effects I know that my girlfriend has said in her earlier days that it used to be similar for her but over time became less of an issue. I think some things can take time but hey all sex can get a bit wet and sticky. Have you perhaps looked at trying other lubes as some people get on with some better than others from what I hear? About you not getting the orgasm you want during anal sex. As long as you have some at some point I don't think it matters. You can both have your turns for pleasure, but I think in the long run you may find it easier to cum during anal. I'll leave it to others who are more expert on this than I to give you more information.

uncertain
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Re: Questions

Post by uncertain » Mon May 21, 2018 9:06 am

Regent wrote:
uncertain wrote: I'm definitely more relaxed and finding the penetration easier. Much to my surprise the increase in frequency has not been so much of a problem as I expected.

Wow! My congratulations! :o
How often do you have anal sex? Every days, couole times of week?
How long? 8-)

I think it is a little early to be breaking out the champagne. We have an improvement, not a solution. FYI we have sex several times a week. I've no idea if that is normal or even relevant.

There has been quite a few long comments recently, which is al too much to reply in detail to all. I will say that I'm grateful for the views from my husbands side. It does make me feel a little better. It is so easy to let these things grow in your mind when you don't have any kind of reference point. Thank you all for your positive thoughts and well wishes. I'm still very surprised by how thoughtful you have all been to someone you don't know.

Counselling/therapy continues, but otherwise little to add.

analsexonly
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Re: Questions

Post by analsexonly » Mon May 21, 2018 4:17 pm

Progress takes time, and is often a journey, and while you've likely just begun on figuring out what will ultimately work for the both of you, I think people's positive and encouraging reactions are because you both are willing to work to get there and that's a really good sign for both of you. In this situation, a lot of people would shut it down cold and it would become a major point of contention or sore subject as a result, but the fact that you're willing to research, experiment, and try to see things from multiple perspectives as well as see whether it's something that you can come around to enjoy and share at the same level as your husband, is a really positive sign.

From a physical perspective, as you continue to do it with greater frequency, it will continue to get significantly easier, and will keep feeling better. That's a big part of why we encourage people to try going anal only for a month or two if they're curious about it, because it can take some time to get into a sustainable routine with it at first, but once you do, a lot of the benefits of being anal only start to reveal themselves and it can really be a lot of fun and feel really good. It can take some effort to learn to orgasm from anal sex on its own at first, and that can be a fun process at some point if you're interested in pursuing it, but otherwise I would suggest that you combine clitoral stimulation while having anal sex, either by rubbing it or using a vibrator. The two together will often combine to a very intense orgasm. Even if interested in pursuing anal only orgasms in the future, I'd suggest just getting to where you regularly orgasm during anal from your clit at first, to really start developing that association between anal sex and pleasure and orgasms, which can really help to change one's perspective on anal from "this is something he wants" to "this is something I want". As for going to the bathroom after, you can try having him cum as deep as he can inside you so it stays inside and gets absorbed instead, or you can wear a plug to keep it inside for the same reason. If you feel an urge to expel it after sex, that's something that goes away with time for some with a bit more experience.

Attitude can play a big role as well in enjoying it, and it sounds like you're enjoying it more since you've opened up a bit more to the idea. Taking the approach of it being something that you explore together for each other's mutual pleasure, a sexy, intimate adventure, can really make a difference in how you perceive every aspect of it. Sex should be consensual and fun for everyone, and anal only is no different in this regard.

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