I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

[analonlylondonebony]

But his helpful reply was worth the wait. This is the only forum I know of that gets me. I wouldn't want to have to over-analyse what I say.

I've deleted a few posts and edited another as I felt the conversation was below the usual friendly standard we keep to on this board. Please try to keep on topic, be polite to one another, and think carefully before you post.

I was very surprised to see the way that person acted... But now they feel like giving advice to the person they were so disrespectful to...?

[cornhole]

I was very surprised to see the way that person acted... But now they feel like giving advice to the person they were so disrespectful to...?

second that homey......

and on a side note....to ebony

i get screaming hardons for my wife's ass but on occasion i will start to get ready to go only to have them go soft on me. the reason in my case lies in that i had hurt her a couple of times in the beginning(before learning proper training) and have been ultra sensitive to any pain or discomfort i cause her since then. sometimes if i am moving too fast, even her telling me so can cause limpness. also, if i sense that she is not into it completely and just doing it for me that can happen. luckily i have learned, with her help, to stop, breath, take a break and start over after a time pleasuring some other parts of each other.......

[analonlylondonebony]

I remember that happening. It was a reunion with the first guy that ever tried anal with me. The first time was a disaster. Big cock and no experience, pushing it all the way in at first attempt. Swore me off anal for more than two decades.

Then when I tried it again, I got lucky as the guy was smaller and patient, and I was thoroughly warmed up (Warmitup's suggests that I am selfish not to let a man have his way with me. It was being a martyr in the bedroom that meant I was never sufficiently turned on to ever enjoy sex, always gritting my teeth and smiling through it).

Discovering that I enjoyed it from start to finish, unlike vaginal where I often get dry and sore, even with lube, I wondered what it would be like with the guy I'd dated when younger. I got my chance, year before last. This time I know what I was doing and took charge. It was awesome and like a home-coming. We fell asleep and in the morning wanted more.

What I hadn't realised about myself then was how quickly my muscles tighten up again. I'm like an anal virgin all over again and caution is still advisable, even a couple of hours later. I stiffened and yelped, and he lost his magnificent erection. I was gutted as he insisted on going back to vaginal, which wasn't what I wanted. I noticed it was a pattern with anal just a side dish so cooled things off with him.

But I know it was the reminder of my first painful experience that put him off. Strange though that my grimacing during pussy doesn't have the same effect ...

I was very surprised to see the way that person acted... But now they feel like giving advice to the person they were so disrespectful to...?

second that homey......

and on a side note....to ebony

i get screaming hardons for my wife's ass but on occasion i will start to get ready to go only to have them go soft on me. the reason in my case lies in that i had hurt her a couple of times in the beginning(before learning proper training) and have been ultra sensitive to any pain or discomfort i cause her since then. sometimes if i am moving too fast, even her telling me so can cause limpness. also, if i sense that she is not into it completely and just doing it for me that can happen. luckily i have learned, with her help, to stop, breath, take a break and start over after a time pleasuring some other parts of each other.......

[analonlylondonebony]

Talking to my friends and family about this is not an option, even with careful picking! And not even just because I'm from a conservative, non-western background (and it is their right to be conservative about things and something I should respect. Talking about any aspect of a person's sex life requires the right rapport. I can't imagine why it would be family's business anyway what I get up to in the bedroom. That's why we have specialist fora like these. I can discuss this amongst people that understand, and with whom my relationship won't be disturbed for providing too much information.

I come from a close-knit group. We don't only come together at Christmas. I can do without being the subject of gossip or being pointed at and giggled at at public events. Or having the men think I'm the cheap easy whore that takes it up the butt that they can make a pass at when their wives aren't looking.

It would be the same at work ... to be the lady that admits to enjoying anal is often an unwelcome invitation to those that assume I must be easy. Just because I enjoy and do it doesn't mean I want to do it with everyone. Where I come from, everyone acts and talks like they've never been deflowered. Deeply ingrained hypocrisy which I've stepped away from.

When out socially, or at work, and anal sex gets discussed, and always in a negative way, I do tend to put my head above the parapet and defend it. I even did this live on air on a radio show when all the other ladies began to link anal sex to drug addiction and worse. I have books on my book-shelf about anal sex. If any friend or family noticed the books and wanted to talk about it, they would be welcome. But I'm not going to initiate the conversation just for the sake of it. That's what this forum is for.

I think maybe writing it down here, as there's no one else to share it with that could understand, it may help me do what I know I need to do.

It's worth talking to your close friends or even family members about these things. Naturally you would have to pick the people quite carefully as you'd need them to have open-minded sensibilities... but anal sex is no longer the taboo it used to be and women are always happy to offer their opinion when asked (and even when they are not asked!).

[analonlylondonebony]

My life isn't driven by my search for an anal loving partner. That was not the point of this thread. I didn't say, I can't find an anal loving guy. Just that I've made the error of allowing something to start with a conventional guy. And I know he won't be happy being anal only.

Before him, I was in the happy situation of being single and able to do what I like without being unfaithful. To suddenly find myself in a relationship where I cannot be faithful unless I choose to be miserable is what I'm concerned about.

You make a very good point about the enthusiasm of young men for anal. Shame it's linked to the "porn generation" as they lack the sense they were born with. I will be at a pitiful stage in my life if I have to rely on the porn generation for realistic sex. The porn generation can't distinguish between desireable reality and porn fantasy. They need porn playing in the background to perform. Expect the lady to be in 6 inch heels and mouthing all that fake dialogue. Every woman does ATM with a grateful, just what I needed to make my life complete smile. Er, no thank you.

There's a balance between me preferring a relationship where we relate on many levels, and not a relationship driven solely by anal. There are a lot of mature thinking young men out there, but none so far that would be ready for a serious (not booty call) relationship with an older woman, just on the strength of anal sex. There's a bit more to life than anal.

The purpose of my thread was that I'd built up the rapport with someone, but not stressed enough my anal position. Now I'm in it and realising that if I continue as it, it will be me sacrificing (story of my life), in the bedroom. I will know better next time.

Where vaginal sex is the frog to be kissed, I'm just not ready to kiss frog after frog as an indirect approach to finding an anal centric life partner. And I'm not really interested in training someone. Not every one that gets trained applies what they've been trained in. I could be wasting my time, time I could have spent waiting for the right person.

As most anal only women know, it's almost impossible to find a proper relationship with a like-minded man, where you care passionately for each other, and can go straight to anal without the mandatory vaginal ice-breaker. The moment we try and voice our preferences before things go too far, the guy's labeled you in his mind as NSA booty call material. Not a future wife or life partner.

You are obviously mingling with the wrong crowd if you're having this trouble. Try sparking up relationships with younger men, as they are part of the brave new "porn generation" so will invariably be mesmerised by an Anal-Only woman. Indeed, you may find your situation doing an immediate 180 as AO woman are so rare and cherished - you'll have a queue of young guys declaring their love for you (and your ass!) and begging you to be his wife! Never-ending anal would be a dream come true for them!

[analonlylondonebony]

Impatient? You mean I should grit my teeth and put up with vaginal sex - like a lady who doesn't want anal would have to grit her teeth and put up with anal sex, while secretly hoping that her new partner will cross over to the other side, a few months down the line? I'm done with sacrificial sex where I've got my eyes on the ceiling and wishing it were over. With anal, I'm always sorry it's over!

I'm not aware of benefits of semen in rectums, and have never done anal unprotected and have no desire to until I know someone is with me for keeps and not just for the time-being until something more alluring comes along, or because he wants a live in partner with benefits to split the rent with. Too many relationships come and go. I can do with one less thing to worry about.

There's never a good time to bring it up and it seems, and I know a lot of the guys here have experienced it too, there's no good time to bring up the anal sex question, without being labelled a pervert.

Perhaps you are being a little impatient and expecting too much too soon. Approach this as a romantic game of seduction, where you slowly but surely reel him in to your physical demands. Go through the motions of vaginal sex but then gradually entice him with the appeal of your delicious ass. Tell him you want to experiment a little... mention the benefits of semen being absorbed in your rectum... describe to him how much tighter it would feel... giggle as you wink to him and say it would make you feel naughty... grab his hands and rub them over your pert and succulent buttocks etc etc. All women know how to turn a man on, so use it to your calculated anal advantage!

[analonlylondonebony]

Talking about something or bringing it up in conversation is not the same as wanting it exclusively. As my experience found, it just means he has another hole. He still predominantly is motivated by vaginal sex.

I recently struck up good rapport by email and phone calls with a great guy. The conversation is deep and stimulating, whether talking politics, cooking recipes, or what goes on in public saunas. I warmed to his open-mindedness and the fact that he thinks for himself, and not with the herd. I said nothing about my anal sex desires. But one day he brought it up casually, in a matter-of-fact way.

A man who brings up anal sex in a matter-of-fact way, is most definitely not going to reject a woman who has preference for it. When you have your next conversation with him, do the same; bring up anal sex casually and say that you'd like to try something a bit different with your next intimate encounter, by focussing PURELY on your perfectly sculpted backside!

[analonlylondonebony]

You've made another assumption here. I don't do anal for the orgasms. I've only once had an orgasm during anal. It's always an assumption that women must orgasm which is why many will fake it just so the man finishes. A lot of women have never orgasmed. I never orgasmed until I was almost 30 (which was the start of me thinking out of the box as I could see I'd been misled by all the assumptions about what should and could be). I think for myself and avoid cliches, and dIY scripts.

I find anal sex exquisitely and mind-blowingly pleasurable from beginning to end without orgasms. I'd be lying to suggest anal sex for that reason. But I will tell him outright that I'm anal only and he'll have my blessing to find himself another partner for his pussy interest (he is clearly into it big time and I can't/won't meet him half way with that). Just as I would find myself another partner for decent anal if he wasn't stepping up to the plate. But in that case, there'd be little point in us seeing each other and he driving across London to see me.

Guaranteed success? Some men are anal only. Most are not. Fewer women are anal only. Most are not. Slow and steady for how many years before I realise that he is never going to change because I compromised in the beginning and to try and change that later would be me changing the goal posts. I'll be a pensioner by then.

My mistake then was that while I immediately showed my hand as a woman that does anal sex, I failed to stress that I'm anal only. Although I was pretty sure I'd made it clear it was my preference.

As you say yourself, you failed to stress that you are AO, which is precisely the problem. Fear not though, you have ample opportunity to make your point crystal clear using the art of seduction as I mentioned above. Or you can be more direct and just tell him you can only orgasm through anal, however I would recommend using the slow and steady approach as that will guarantee success!

[analonlylondonebony]

You want me to be flexible about something that turns me off??? I can handle not having an orgasm. But I'd rather watch paint dry than waste time in bed pleasing someone else at my expense.

A man would be considered a barbarian to force a lady to have anal sex if she didn't want it. Or to force her to have his cum in her face just to make him happy.

Another assumption about porn. The only porn I watch is gay porn because of the anal action. How many straight men do you know that would want to watch gay porn to get in the mood. I much prefer a man that doesn't need porn in the background to get him in the mood and to a large extent, I've been lucky in that respect.

I don't have to have some woman's glistening gash throwing me off my stride in bed. Porn, with the loud messy spitting, and the cream pies and fake moans ... my bedroom is blissfully free of straight porn. In fact, until I came to this forum, I had despaired of any truly anal porn where I don't have to skip the pussy scenes.

And there are some men who feel the same way I do about pussy. They are not interested in it. They've been going through the motions. They are being "flexible" and miserable.

I'm almost 50. A life time, since my teens of faking being happy in the bedroom. I put that behind me when I discovered anal. Now, I'm being dragged backwards. This is the time for me to put my foot down and bow out, not drag my feet over it for another goodness knows how many years.

And this is the problem with the non-anal only world. Stating it as a preference, all he hears is the flexibility.

And what is so bad about being flexible? Great sex comes from give and take. It may not be to your liking, but he could have an overwhelming primal urge to eat your pussy like crazy... therefore indulge him, like any good lover would... however under the gentle proviso that afterwards he will satisfy your own overwhelming primal urge... to get butt-fucked like crazy! An additional motivator would be to watch porn together... making sure that the movie you pick has plenty of anal action in the style you enjoy! His reaction to the ass fucking scenes will give you a clear indication of his level of interest.

[analonlylondonebony]

Another well intentioned cliche when it comes to the bedroom. Do you think I didn't start off with a blow-job? Maybe he was tired. Our decision to meet that night was spontaneous. We were supposed to be playing scrabble. The scrabble box never even got opened LOL! With hindsight, he may have been tired.

Men can lose it during anal, or just before. I've seen it often, Rock hard for pussy, then loses it slightly with anal. An anal fiend never does. The waiting butt-hole can be all the foreplay he needs. But I know when a man starts to fumble, miss the hole, then insert a half baked erection in ... not even intravenous viagra can save the day.

For when the time came, at my instigation, after the obligatory vaginal sex (cringe and puke at the memory, but I've had decades of faking tolerance of it which most men seem satisfied with) and we went for anal, it took a while, He just wasn't hard enough. I knew then his mind wasn't really in it. He is far from an anal sex addict. #epicfail

Very unusual. If a man is hard enough for pussy then he is hard enough for ass. Do you mean that he lost his erection when you offered him your sweet derrière? If so, then give him a world-class blowjob to get the blood rushing through his veins again... then quickly slip that badboy in the rear! Once he is inside your exquisitely tight ass, he will most certainly get his mind on the job!
Henceforth, turning him in to an anal sex addict, depends entirely on you and your anal skills and erotic experience. You do not seem lacking in these departments so his addiction is pretty much a foregone conclusion!