Hey guys and gals!
I'm currently in a non-anal-at-all relationship where I really love the girl for about 1yr and a half. The lack of anal tho is a huge downside.
We do some assplay with fingers time to time and I love to rim her. Altough she says she likes it, I don't feel like she likes it that much. We only tried penetration a couple times but she wouldn't let me put even the tip because of the pain.
How can I make the anal instrest grow in her? I know it might take a long time and I try not to push it, but anal is huge for me and I wish I could enjoy it with her and really bring it to our relationship as a regular part of our sex lives.
Thanks!
Advice on a non-anal relationship
Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
please don't take this the wrong way, but you should review some of the older posts on this sight. There have been some great suggestions by members about how to put your partner at ease, display consideration, highten the experience, and increase communication. If you read those ideas first then you could explain the things you have done, take some of the suggestions you have not, and seek clarification from other more specific thoughts. I wish you well and look forward to another post from you
Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
I appreciate your reply and apologize if this post is not by the community's guidelines
I surely will look at older posts and threads and reply to this thread when I can
I surely will look at older posts and threads and reply to this thread when I can
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analsexonly
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Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
Nothing at all wrong with a post like this, and certainly not against any guidelines, but you might find a more diverse set of answers by searching through the archives where similar topics have been discussed.
Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
yup - no offence taken and not against guidelines, I think u will find interesting insights by browsing previous topics and we will be able to provide a more nuanced response to questions after
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analonlylondonebony
- Posts: 67
- Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2014 1:48 pm
- Location: London, UK
Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
Indeed, this is a dilemma and a post that will probably never go away. However, one size does not fit all (no pun intended!!!) Each case is different. And for those of us that may have contributed to an earlier discussion of a topic that gets repeated, six months, one year down the line, we may have a fresher insight that we didn't get to share in a thread that is now marinading in the archived discussions. 
Your girlfriend is not averse to anal play and rimming, although you think she just goes along with it and doesn't have any particular passion. She's probably listening to scare mongering stories from her peers about anal sex. Amazing how many women (and men) assume anal sex hurts based on someone else's say-so. But again, they haven't factored in that the lady discouraging her probably got her sphincter wrecked by some idiot.
You may want to ask her what she's heard about anal sex, or what she hears about it. Too many think anal sex is an unreasonable thing to ask for and that they are the ones in the right for refusing it point blank.
1. Has she ever had anal penetration (with a cock, not a toy or finger)?
2. What was her experience of it?
3. Are you particularly well endowed? Be honest here. E.g. you may be just above average but have a larger than average head.
4. Have others enjoyed anal sex with you? Or were they grimacing past discomfort?
You may need to accept the fact that, just as some of us ladies really couldn't care for vaginal sex and get nothing out of it and certainly don't want to have to grin and bare it to keep the other happy, so she may be with anal sex.
If she absolutely lacks the physiology to enjoy it, it would be unreasonable of you to insist on bringing it up.
Do you love her enough to remain with her knowing that it is completely off the table?
With anal, where there's a will, there's a way. People take fists up there. What's a little penis head between lovers.
Your girlfriend is not averse to anal play and rimming, although you think she just goes along with it and doesn't have any particular passion. She's probably listening to scare mongering stories from her peers about anal sex. Amazing how many women (and men) assume anal sex hurts based on someone else's say-so. But again, they haven't factored in that the lady discouraging her probably got her sphincter wrecked by some idiot.
You may want to ask her what she's heard about anal sex, or what she hears about it. Too many think anal sex is an unreasonable thing to ask for and that they are the ones in the right for refusing it point blank.
1. Has she ever had anal penetration (with a cock, not a toy or finger)?
2. What was her experience of it?
3. Are you particularly well endowed? Be honest here. E.g. you may be just above average but have a larger than average head.
4. Have others enjoyed anal sex with you? Or were they grimacing past discomfort?
You may need to accept the fact that, just as some of us ladies really couldn't care for vaginal sex and get nothing out of it and certainly don't want to have to grin and bare it to keep the other happy, so she may be with anal sex.
If she absolutely lacks the physiology to enjoy it, it would be unreasonable of you to insist on bringing it up.
Do you love her enough to remain with her knowing that it is completely off the table?
With anal, where there's a will, there's a way. People take fists up there. What's a little penis head between lovers.
Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
Thanks for the replies folks!
The situation changed drasticaly since the last post.
We have had our first anal experience aside from oral or fingering.
It was in fact her fist time ever. We had to go really really slow and even then we couldn't really fuck, if you guys know what I mean. It took a long time just on trying to put it in, receding, playing, trying to put it again and so on.
I didn't push it. I rather keep the pacing slow and steady than spoil this moment.
But I must say, It was a battle of will. Having the cock inside a beautiful ass for the first time in over a year and not being able to fuck it properly was kind of a torture really, lol. Luckly I was disciplined and didn't succumb to the urges.
Thing is she said afterwards that she was sore for a couple days, although she said she liked it (and even suggested taking pictures of it, for my surprise). I don't wanna force anything so we had no more anal plays since.
When do you think I should resume our training?
How do you guys think we can further improve it?
I didnt have a lot of anal partners really. I had this one girlfriend who was just crazy about it and I guess my passion for it started with her. Other people after were not first timers, so I guess it's my first time training a first timer. And I wanna do it right.
As for size, I do not have a long cock, but I'm kinda girthy.
Thank you so much!
The situation changed drasticaly since the last post.
We have had our first anal experience aside from oral or fingering.
It was in fact her fist time ever. We had to go really really slow and even then we couldn't really fuck, if you guys know what I mean. It took a long time just on trying to put it in, receding, playing, trying to put it again and so on.
I didn't push it. I rather keep the pacing slow and steady than spoil this moment.
But I must say, It was a battle of will. Having the cock inside a beautiful ass for the first time in over a year and not being able to fuck it properly was kind of a torture really, lol. Luckly I was disciplined and didn't succumb to the urges.
Thing is she said afterwards that she was sore for a couple days, although she said she liked it (and even suggested taking pictures of it, for my surprise). I don't wanna force anything so we had no more anal plays since.
When do you think I should resume our training?
How do you guys think we can further improve it?
I didnt have a lot of anal partners really. I had this one girlfriend who was just crazy about it and I guess my passion for it started with her. Other people after were not first timers, so I guess it's my first time training a first timer. And I wanna do it right.
As for size, I do not have a long cock, but I'm kinda girthy.
Thank you so much!
Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
What's the best way to get good at something?
Riding a bike? --- try once per week for 10 minutes at a time? no
Learning to use a computer -- only three times a year? on my birthday, father's day, and New Years? I think not.
No, if you want to become good at something you must first decide you want to become good at it and make it into a 'project.'
"Do you think this is hot and naughty and something you wish we could be into?"
If yes,
"It's impossible to get good at something without practice, correct?" (agreement)
The best way to learn to walk, learn to ride a bike, learn math, etc. etc. is to practice systematically and regularly over a short period of time, correct?" Agreement
"This will be fun and exciting, but a challenge and difficult. So let's make a project out of this. The only way we're both going to get good at this is if we practice. Let's do anal eight times this month - two to three times per week."
"let's search porn sites for instructional videos on how to do it properly"
"Let's get you a top-quality (electric) vibrator that you can use while we are doing it. Let's get top quality silicone based lube."
"Let's commit to eight times this month. After one month we can determine if we're improving out skills at this. We can determine if we are liking it more and more. We can determine if our sex life is improving. We will probably feel like teenagers again."
"Let's do this this together. It will make us closer and deepen our relationship."
Remember "no" is a possible and legitimate outcome for some people. Sexual compatibility is an important aspect of a relationship. Make choices in partners accordingly.
Riding a bike? --- try once per week for 10 minutes at a time? no
Learning to use a computer -- only three times a year? on my birthday, father's day, and New Years? I think not.
No, if you want to become good at something you must first decide you want to become good at it and make it into a 'project.'
"Do you think this is hot and naughty and something you wish we could be into?"
If yes,
"It's impossible to get good at something without practice, correct?" (agreement)
The best way to learn to walk, learn to ride a bike, learn math, etc. etc. is to practice systematically and regularly over a short period of time, correct?" Agreement
"This will be fun and exciting, but a challenge and difficult. So let's make a project out of this. The only way we're both going to get good at this is if we practice. Let's do anal eight times this month - two to three times per week."
"let's search porn sites for instructional videos on how to do it properly"
"Let's get you a top-quality (electric) vibrator that you can use while we are doing it. Let's get top quality silicone based lube."
"Let's commit to eight times this month. After one month we can determine if we're improving out skills at this. We can determine if we are liking it more and more. We can determine if our sex life is improving. We will probably feel like teenagers again."
"Let's do this this together. It will make us closer and deepen our relationship."
Remember "no" is a possible and legitimate outcome for some people. Sexual compatibility is an important aspect of a relationship. Make choices in partners accordingly.
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analonlylondonebony
- Posts: 67
- Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2014 1:48 pm
- Location: London, UK
Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
Thanks for sharing your update!
It seems that you did most things right. Taking it easy, if we are to believe your account! But where there is girth, there needs to be even more patience. And even the slightest push before the sphincter muscle has sufficiently relaxed can ruin it. Too often, a man assumes that because he can feel it opening up, he can give it a little help. A well relaxed sphincter pulls the cock in like quicksand sucks in its victim. No matter the girth. Also, once it's in, it still helps to let your partner get used to the guest in her butt hole.
I'm going to assume you used plenty of lube? Like proper anal lube, not just relying on the fabled pussy juices which are supposed to flow like the Niagara Falls?
Her soreness may just be needing to get used to the experience.
When she concedes to anal, make her feel extra special about it. Be extra loving and appreciative. Too many men think anal sex is only for sluts and they need to behave boorish about having anal. Anal sex is no more macho than vaginal sex.
A lady here shared her experience of not being able to do vaginal sex but finding that men act like complete jerks towards her once she discloses this. Like she's only to be used and tossed on the scrap heap until needed again. Does your girlfriend need to know how much emotional equity you place in being able to have anal sex.
It seems that you did most things right. Taking it easy, if we are to believe your account! But where there is girth, there needs to be even more patience. And even the slightest push before the sphincter muscle has sufficiently relaxed can ruin it. Too often, a man assumes that because he can feel it opening up, he can give it a little help. A well relaxed sphincter pulls the cock in like quicksand sucks in its victim. No matter the girth. Also, once it's in, it still helps to let your partner get used to the guest in her butt hole.
I'm going to assume you used plenty of lube? Like proper anal lube, not just relying on the fabled pussy juices which are supposed to flow like the Niagara Falls?
Her soreness may just be needing to get used to the experience.
When she concedes to anal, make her feel extra special about it. Be extra loving and appreciative. Too many men think anal sex is only for sluts and they need to behave boorish about having anal. Anal sex is no more macho than vaginal sex.
A lady here shared her experience of not being able to do vaginal sex but finding that men act like complete jerks towards her once she discloses this. Like she's only to be used and tossed on the scrap heap until needed again. Does your girlfriend need to know how much emotional equity you place in being able to have anal sex.
Re: Advice on a non-anal relationship
analonlylondonebony wrote: I'm going to assume you used plenty of lube? Like proper anal lube, not just relying on the fabled pussy juices which are supposed to flow like the Niagara Falls?
Yes! A lot of it!
analonlylondonebony wrote: When she concedes to anal, make her feel extra special about it. Be extra loving and appreciative. Too many men think anal sex is only for sluts and they need to behave boorish about having anal. Anal sex is no more macho than vaginal sex.
A lady here shared her experience of not being able to do vaginal sex but finding that men act like complete jerks towards her once she discloses this. Like she's only to be used and tossed on the scrap heap until needed again. Does your girlfriend need to know how much emotional equity you place in being able to have anal sex.
Thank you for the awesome advice again, analonlylondonebony!
We are slow on the anal matters again... Being able to see her only at weekends totally blows it.
No more anal penetrations since then, Im back in anal-oral only mode, lol
when the spirits of anal bliss smile at me again I'll be totally following your tips and I'll try to reply to the thread as soon as I have any updates
