Orgasm Advice

Curious about the anal only lifestyle or anal sex in general but have questions or concerns? Ask away here.
Musicrockblues2
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Orgasm Advice

Post by Musicrockblues2 » Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:09 pm

Hi all, really enjoying the forum here. I'm new, but I've read through almost everything. My basic back story:

Happily married to a Latina with a perfect ass. We have only had anal sex 3 times in 8 years. Once while dating, probably because she wanted to make me happy, and then twice while married.

I really would like to make anal sex a staple of our sex life, but having it so infrequently means that she is so tense each time. Getting her to relax and let herself enjoy is just a steep hill to climb.

For the past 4 years, I have made a very concerted effort to overcome that by using a finger or two in her ass during oral sex. She comes faster, and harder that way than if I put them in her vagina. But still she resists anal sex...

So I am to the point where she really enjoys a finger, but thinks a penis will still be too painful. I know she could have tremendous orgasms is we could perfect anal sex. How do you experts recommend I go about overcoming that hurdle?

I know it cannot be a once a year activity. I equate it to losing the virginity again each time when there is such a gap. But getting her to agree to just a single time is very difficult.

My belief is she needs to have a knockout orgasm from full anal penetration to realize she likes it. What do you all think?

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Analonely
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by Analonely » Wed Sep 14, 2016 9:09 am

Well... this sounds cliché but... dialogue is key.

First you must let her know how you feel about it: the importance of anal sex/play to you, how much you miss it, how do you think it can give you both a great experience, etc.. If she has no moral objections towards it, then there's just the problem of overcoming her fear, which... shouldn't be hard; properly done, the experience can be overwhelming, many claiming it surpasses the traditional route by a long shot (show her the forum, the stories...).

I've seen and been with quite a few women that disliked fingers but preferred a penis instead, despite the sizable difference, so you might want to reach an agreement to train her muscles as to get her accustomed to the feeling. In order to do that, you may start with either small plugs or small stretchers, the latter being more effective to ease out penetration than the former, but also producing a looser fit to your intercourse, so, it's up to you. Start small in time and size: you can reach an agreement for her to use a small one for a date, or even for a short session of foreplay; be creative and always make sure she's part of the process, the ideas, the times, the sizes, the shapes, ask her about the feeling, compliment, show/tell her how much you like it/how much horny you get, etc.. Then, when she's fairly used to the feeling and the plug/enlarger size is either similar to your manhood or the same, just go and have an amazing night. :D

Best of luck :)

luv2play45
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by luv2play45 » Sun Sep 18, 2016 10:23 am

You could see if she will agree to minimal penetration with her in control.

You might get her to try doggie style with her controlling how deep you go in her well lubed ass.
It can be very mutually stimulating to just get the head in, holding it there while she relaxes around your glans, pulling it out and then doing it again with the possibility of going a little deeper each time.

Or maybe she would feel more confident if she mounted you and guided you in?

You might mention to her that many women find anal the easiest way to achieve orgasm as she already has some experience with this.

Musicrockblues2
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by Musicrockblues2 » Sun Sep 18, 2016 5:57 pm

Thanks so much for the advice. I will try to be more direct with her about my desire to include anal as a more regular part of our sex life. So the obvious follow up question: How do I do that without sounding like I am being pushy or offending her? Anyone that has had "that conversation?" Is it best to just say: Babe, I really want to make anal a part of sex life. I think you will like it. I want to focus on your pleasure. What do you all think? What's the right way to approach it?

Like I said, she does enjoy anal stimulation. When I go down on her, I will get her close to coming and then move to insert a finger in her butt. It's 50/50 that she accepts it easily and comes hard and fast or says "no butt" meaning no butt play for no obvious reason... It's as if she afraid of liking it, idk. I am very gentle and provide positive reinforcement but have been stuck in this stage for a year. Anyone else had this situation before?

luv2play45
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by luv2play45 » Mon Sep 19, 2016 12:20 pm

She is probably feeling "full" down there and is embarrassed about making a mess.
This is tricky territory to negotiate as it deals with our fear of shit.

My wife & I have gotten way past this which I describe in some of my other posts.

If she isn't comfortable with a beforehand enema then you need to communicate to her that you will not be disgusted by what you find up there.
I do a little rooting around with my fingers to see if there are any "intruders" as we call them up there.
She can then do a clean up in the loo and you get to start over.
I do not see this as an inconvenience but as part of our extended love making.
If anything, it has brought us closer as a couple.

Musicrockblues
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by Musicrockblues » Sun Sep 25, 2016 2:50 pm

Hi All,

So, after more conversations with my wife, I have learned that her two primary hesitations are the following:

1. She says that the sensation whenever I withdraw my cock / finger / toy, either during a thrusting motion or to remove it, makes her feel like she is about to poop. She does not like that sensation as it ruins her ability to be in the moment and to relax and enjoy. It just mentally removes her from feeling sexy, you know? She likes when I use my fingers because I am not thrusting them, I insert them and use a "come hither" motion to stimulate her G spot, which drives her over the edge in just minutes every time. Is there a way to minimize that uncomfortable feeling during the back thrust, maybe more lube? Or is that something that only comes with experience that she grows comfortable with that sensation? It is not a painful sensation, just a sensation that is mentally associated with pooping I guess. I have suggested Cowgirl position, since it does not involve much thrusting motion, but in the long term, I hope to help her overcome that uncomfortable feeling. Anyone had this experience before?

2. When it comes to anal, she is afraid of the size of my cock. I do not think I am the biggest guy. I am 7.25" length x 5.25" girth , but she is petite and of course I think the "it's too big" fear is quite common for anal sex. When we had anal the last time, after 4-5 minutes, she adjusted to my size just fine, but still she holds onto that fear. How can I help her overcome that fear? Does it help to have a broader range of sizes for toys? Currently we have 1 very small vibrating butt plug, some smallish size anal beads, and 1 medium/large butt plug, and my fingers. The medium/large plug never gets any use because of the same reason, because it is too big. Do I need to have 2 - 3 sizes of toys between the small and large sizes to help her build up to the larger size? Obviously I can't make my cock smaller, so how do I build her confidence up to the challenge?

You all have been super helpful, and I am definitely approaching the topic from a more enlightened perspective now. I know it is something we can both greatly enjoy and I hope I can share some success stories soon with your advice.

Thanks!

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analsexonly
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by analsexonly » Mon Sep 26, 2016 8:06 am

Musicrockblues wrote:1. She says that the sensation whenever I withdraw my cock / finger / toy, either during a thrusting motion or to remove it, makes her feel like she is about to poop. She does not like that sensation as it ruins her ability to be in the moment and to relax and enjoy. It just mentally removes her from feeling sexy, you know? She likes when I use my fingers because I am not thrusting them, I insert them and use a "come hither" motion to stimulate her G spot, which drives her over the edge in just minutes every time. Is there a way to minimize that uncomfortable feeling during the back thrust, maybe more lube? Or is that something that only comes with experience that she grows comfortable with that sensation? It is not a painful sensation, just a sensation that is mentally associated with pooping I guess. I have suggested Cowgirl position, since it does not involve much thrusting motion, but in the long term, I hope to help her overcome that uncomfortable feeling. Anyone had this experience before?

It's not uncommon for people getting started with anal stimulation to experience this sensation, simply because up to that point, the sensation of anal fullness or movement has been, well, pooping—so that's the mental association with that sensation. So, it can be really helpful and important to work to associate anal stimulation with pleasure instead, by combining it with clitoral stimulation either by rubbing or using a vibrator at the same time as you stimulate her anally. Wearing a butt plug during other forms of sexual stimulation or even just throughout the day for times can also really help, because it's fairly passive and doesn't move much, but helps relax her and get her used to the feeling of being filled in other ways than having to poop. And of course, using enough of a good kind of lube can make a difference as well. Not enough lube can occasionally cause that sort of sensation.
Musicrockblues wrote:2. When it comes to anal, she is afraid of the size of my cock. I do not think I am the biggest guy. I am 7.25" length x 5.25" girth , but she is petite and of course I think the "it's too big" fear is quite common for anal sex. When we had anal the last time, after 4-5 minutes, she adjusted to my size just fine, but still she holds onto that fear. How can I help her overcome that fear? Does it help to have a broader range of sizes for toys? Currently we have 1 very small vibrating butt plug, some smallish size anal beads, and 1 medium/large butt plug, and my fingers. The medium/large plug never gets any use because of the same reason, because it is too big. Do I need to have 2 - 3 sizes of toys between the small and large sizes to help her build up to the larger size? Obviously I can't make my cock smaller, so how do I build her confidence up to the challenge?

Gradual increases in size are almost always the key to working up to any goal size. If your larger plug is too large, get something in between to work up to first.

Musicrockblues
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by Musicrockblues » Mon Sep 26, 2016 1:26 pm

Thanks for the advice! I am so grateful for this forum.

Other than lube, is there any way to minimize that sensation in the beginning? I know that it would likely go away over time, but if she isn't comfortable with it now, she may not want to keep trying, you know?

As for toys, what plugs and toys would you recommend to build up to a larger size? What anal toys do women like best?

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Arseguy
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by Arseguy » Mon Sep 26, 2016 6:10 pm

Musicrockblues wrote:As for toys, what plugs and toys would you recommend to build up to a larger size? What anal toys do women like best?

Anything that your trying right now that are slightly bigger than the current one but not to big. Girls like all kinds of anal toys, but I would defiantly say something that is quite comfortable most of the time, don't rush it, just take your time and enjoy the experience, be gentle and in time she will learn to relax and enjoy it I'm sure.
I love to worship a girl's arse, kiss it, lick it and penetrate/make love to it.

Musicrockblues
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Re: Orgasm Advice

Post by Musicrockblues » Tue Sep 27, 2016 11:58 am

Any other recommendations on minimizing that "awkward sensation" during initial thrusting? Is it mostly about relaxation and sufficient lube?

Also, does it truly go away with practice?

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