Anal struggles with my wife

[canadianbuttluvr]

Hi all,

First of, i'm not anal only but certainly jealous of those who are! However, I am in a long-term committed relationship where anal is "on the menu" once in a while. Truthfully, I crave anal and find it the most erotic form of sex. However, my wife's attitude towards anal sex is that she will do it to make me happy but obviously, it would be much more of a bonding experience if she was actually into it. I need some advice on how to make the experience more enjoyable for both of us. While I know that there are other message boards out there that can give guidance about sex, I wanted to post on this one because although my relationship with my wife is such that anal is only an occasional thing, I want to get the advice of those for whom anal is a regular occurrence.


[*] For the longest time, her resistance towards anal sex was that she was fearful that it would cause her long term damage. In some respects we have worked through that because we did some research and she was able to accept that done carefully, there is no fear. That said, she only allows me to enter her a little bit - i am able to get my penis past the resistance of the sphincter but that's it. For me, I want to go deeper, not just because it will full better for myself but i know from some limited anal play that it feels better to have the feeling of fullness. How do I encourage her to be more accepting of me entering deeper? I suppose in writing this maybe I should ask her


[*] I am not sure what to do to help her enjoy the experience more. Only occasionally will she let me touch her clit and so naturally, since my penis isn't in her that far and her clit isn't being touched, its a neutral experience at best. My ultimate goal is for her to feel loved and horny so we can both get off. I actually really want her to enjoy anal sex and think that she could if I could help her work through some things. Also, we only do anal with her lying on her side and me behind her, not sure if that's the best position to help her enjoy anal - she is resistant to try other positions.

[*]This next question isn't glamorous by any means but is an essential element of helping anal sex to be enjoyable for any couple. We all know what goes on down there and I can certainly appreciate that if I were a woman, I would certainly not want a cock in my ass when I have to go to the bathroom. At the same time, sometimes I am so worked up for her when we are sleeping together that I want to try to enter her ass but if I don't have my timing right, the sexual experience will die in a heartbeat. I also don't want to or feel the need to be kept constantly updated about the status of her bowel since that isn't very sexy either. I don't think she is interested in doing an enema before-hand either since that takes away the spontaneous element of sex which is an amazing part of having sex. How do those of you were anal is a constant part of sex work around the natural function of the body?

Thanks,

Travis

[luv2play45]

Watch this old Marilyn Chambers guide to enjoyable anal sex video together.
Just try to keep from laughing during the corny music soundtrack that often accompanied these old videos.

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=mar ... ORM=VRDGAR

[luv2play45]

Canadian butt lover,
This old post of mine might be of some help to you & your wife:

If you want to do the anal thing w/o douching first you and your partner just need to get a bit creative.
My wife & I have been AO for 20+ years and she has always refused to use an enema so this is what we do.

First of course is to sit on the toilet and try to poop just before you start sex.
After that have him massage around your lubed butt hole and then insert a finger to feel around inside.
It is much easier for the finger to feel any "intruders" as we call them.
If anything is right there at the entrance sit on the toilet and try again, then repeat the above.
If the fecal matter is further up the rectum he can initiate gentle and not too deep anal sex.
After a few minutes of this gentle anal sex you might feel the need to go again.
Sometimes we repeat this process 2 or 3 times before the road is clear.
I check my dipstick while she is on the potty and if there is any mess I wash it off.
It helps too if after she is loosened up a bit if I scoop up a gob of thick lube, Vaseline or something similar, with my index & middle finger and put it in her butt. This will often help initiate a good clean out.

Too much trouble you say?
Well you can always do the enema thing if that is available although that comes with it's own drawbacks.
However, this works for us and I feel it has brought us closer plus it slows down the whole sex act.
She might have an initial orgasm, sit on the toilet for a bit, and then come back for another orgasm or two.
Experiment around and see what works best for you.

[Buttwoman]

There's a lot of stuff in your post, but I'll just respond to the cleanliness issue.
If she thinks an enema takes away from the spontanaiety, you can do the cleanout HOURS before sex. If she thinks anal is on the menu, she can cleanse when she feels comfortable. If I've had an enema, I'm good for 48 hours, so repeat performances are no problem.
You can make an enema PART of the foreplay. Enjoy it together, or watch, or stroke her clit during.
If she thinks the whole bag, and hose enema is too much, and just a little weird, and enema bulb, which just cleans the rectum, is available at sex shops, Walmart, and Amazon. These are best used within an hour of sex. She can just pop into the bathroom, and squeeze in a couple of bulbs, be clean as a whistle, in just a minute or two.
I tend to have quite spur of the moment anal sex. I carry a disposable douche with me. There are disposable enemas on the market, but they are full of disgusting oily stuff, which must be replaced with water unless you want to make a bigger mess than when you started. A Summer's Eve douche is not embarrassing for her to by, and is ready to use. It tastes vaguely of chip dip.
When I was a teenager, I'll admit, I didn't do a good cleanout. There were accidents, but in general, a good poop beforehand, and a digital examination will usually get you by.
Nothing sticks to silicone lube. If there's a bit of poop in there, it will not stick to your dick. Neither of you will ever know it was there.
Cleanliness is easy, giving you ample time to explore the other parts of anal sex/play.

[Analonely]

First things first: quit porn (if you haven't already).

Secondly: don't accept crumbs. Lovemaking is serious and ideally makes a big part of the relationship, so there can be no bargaining about it; it's a not a trade, it's a profound mutual act. If she isn't fully into what she's doing than you're basically using her, making the whole thing even more lonely for both of you.

Thirdly: it sounds cliché and I've said it before, but it's true — dialogue is key. Think really hard about how you feel about anal, psychologically, physically, spiritually and try to put that and words and conveyit to her. As I've said many times in many posts, lovemaking is a mutual experience, so the better she knows how you feel the better she'll be able to understand you, feel you and ultimately enjoy you and what you like about something.

[*] I am not sure what to do to help her enjoy the experience more. Only occasionally will she let me touch her clit and so naturally, since my penis isn't in her that far and her clit isn't being touched, its a neutral experience at best. My ultimate goal is for her to feel loved and horny so we can both get off.

You must try to show her the meaning beyond the experience by itself and the meaning it has to you in every possible level. Masturbation, as a rule, only takes the focus away from the act and again, makes the whole thing more lonely. Your ultimate goal is perfect, so that's exactly what you should strive for. Anal sex is a part in a immense whole, namely, the other person. If really feels loved and horny she'll enjoy anything that doesn't bring her fear or repulse.

How do those of you were anal is a constant part of sex work around the natural function of the body?

Simple: don't worry about it. If it gets dirty then you clean it off afterwards.

[cornhole]

hey analonely,
what you wrote was almost exactly what i went through with my wife. i noticed two things from the beginning. she seemed to have a "hang up" about anal so she couldn't talk about it but i also noticed that she really was turned on by anal play.

after a bunch of starts and stalls i finally figured out how to get there.

forget about yourself. you will come one way or another. we men always do and our wives are great for making sure that happens for us.....if you really want this to happen, you have to put your needs last....at least that's what worked for me.

at a certain point(similar to where you are) she had a small fissure from anal penetration and we couldn't do it at all. bummer. up to that point i had been trying to get her to use toys and fingers to open up for me. she also has a thing about sex toys.....

so.....my approach after that was to just massage her butthole. everytime we were in the mood, i would either massage her hole with my fingers or my cock or both. very gently, very slow and NEVER PENETRATING. basically i would just do this evertime and overtime she just started opening up more and more. not just her asshole but her whole outlook about anal sex. eventually she wanted it deeper. so i would oblige. i would keep going and at some point she would remember what she was doing and ask me to switch to her pussy.(have never had any problems with double dipping). eventually she stopped asking me to switch. now we are anal only. this took about a year and a half. it still took a few months after going ao for her to regularly take my full cock in. i was always very careful to not hurt her and if i did cause her any discomfort i would sometimes loose my hard on.

ass sex is work to get it to the point where it's not.....let that sink in.

she never enemas or anything besides just cleaning up before. when she thinks about sex before we do it, it usually triggers a poop and all's clear.

good luck

[Guy_Incognito]

hey analonely,
what you wrote was almost exactly what i went through with my wife. i noticed two things from the beginning. she seemed to have a "hang up" about anal so she couldn't talk about it but i also noticed that she really was turned on by anal play.

after a bunch of starts and stalls i finally figured out how to get there.

forget about yourself. you will come one way or another. we men always do and our wives are great for making sure that happens for us.....if you really want this to happen, you have to put your needs last....at least that's what worked for me.

at a certain point(similar to where you are) she had a small fissure from anal penetration and we couldn't do it at all. bummer. up to that point i had been trying to get her to use toys and fingers to open up for me. she also has a thing about sex toys.....

so.....my approach after that was to just massage her butthole. everytime we were in the mood, i would either massage her hole with my fingers or my cock or both. very gently, very slow and NEVER PENETRATING. basically i would just do this evertime and overtime she just started opening up more and more. not just her asshole but her whole outlook about anal sex. eventually she wanted it deeper. so i would oblige. i would keep going and at some point she would remember what she was doing and ask me to switch to her pussy.(have never had any problems with double dipping). eventually she stopped asking me to switch. now we are anal only. this took about a year and a half. it still took a few months after going ao for her to regularly take my full cock in. i was always very careful to not hurt her and if i did cause her any discomfort i would sometimes loose my hard on.

ass sex is work to get it to the point where it's not.....let that sink in.

she never enemas or anything besides just cleaning up before. when she thinks about sex before we do it, it usually triggers a poop and all's clear.

good luck

My wife's the same way. It's so disconcerting.

[Jack]

Guy --

Not disconcerting at all. Cornhole has given us a valuable road map of how to introduce a reluctant wife to anal sex and, over time, AO. I could have used this advice when I was in my 20's and my first marriage cratered because I was too impatient and petulant about anal. She never would have come around, but I'd feel better if I'd worked at harder and practiced the virtues of patience and kindness. Younger men, take notice.

Jack

[Trix]

Next time she is willing, try sitting on your knees on the bed, put her legs over your shoulders or arms and lift her arse up and put the tip in and gently lift her up and down a little.. if she likes it she will push on you to go deeper. if she has issues with her arse like psoriasis or something let her heal up with steroid cream and then try again. In the mean time try rimming but don't penetrate.. just lick her occasionally pretending that your after her vag.

[Jasse7en]

If ur that put of about shit then u shouldn't be into anal.

Taking care of ur wife and making her comfortable, would make to be from u accepting that it's an ass ur wanting to fuck.

If you don't want to deal with even hearing about her bowel movements(which is not good if ur literally doing anal), then stick to vaginal sex, until ur more mentally mature to accept that being update with her bowel movements is the only way that anal sex can work out best for u. Your basically avoiding a key aspect of communication of what is coming out of her ass, but ur so very interesting in putting ur dick inside.