Did I find a keeper?
Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2018 4:00 pm
I'm a male in my early thirties living in the U.S. First post in here since 2015, which was also about a girl I was debating whether or not to stay with.
I met my current girlfriend last year and told her early on that I prefer anal. I'd say that, over the course of our relationship, we've done anal 80% of the time, with the remaining 20% split between vaginal and oral sex to completion. I've never explicitly talked about or proposed AO, but earlier this year, we went for several months doing nothing but anal.
Just so you know where I stand on the AO spectrum: I vastly prefer anal over vaginal and have a much easier time cumming from it. None of my fantasies or porn habits revolve around vaginal. But I'd also be willing to do vaginal every now and then, and I can cum from it when I'm especially horny. Sometimes, vaginal seems preferable to a blowjob if we're both especially horny and my GF's rectum isn't in great shape (i.e. constipation, just had a painful bowel movement, or anus destroyed from having anal sex the past several days.)
Additionally, while denying clitoral stimulation sounds good in theory, I'm quite content with doing what my GF and I do, which is for me to reach over and get her off with my fingers while I pound her in the ass.
I also think, for what it's worth, that my girlfriend very well might be fine if I proposed AO, but like I said, I'm fine with vaginal every now and then.
But now here's where things get a bit trickier. Her sex drive is a lot lower than mine, and she also has an extremely busy and stressful job that often makes her too tired for sex. Prior to committing to her, we were having anal sex 4 or 5 times in a weekend, but it seems that sex is getting less and less frequent. I had a talk with her about this quite some time ago and she offered to make herself available to me even if she's tired or not in the mood, and she's been doing this, but it's obviously not the same as when the woman is really into it and craves your cum in her ass.
Additionally, she broke the three-month AO streak by asking for vaginal fairly recently, and has been consistently asking for it more lately. Despite the fact that she knows I prefer anal, that she enjoys anal very much, and that it works great for getting the two of us off, I do get the sense that she really does enjoy vaginal and would miss it if we went AO.
She also said that if we have anal sex too many days in a row, her asshole can start to hurt, and she'd prefer to switch to vaginal. (And for the record, I use plenty of lube and I'm quite gentle with her, but as someone who likes having things done to MY ass as well, I view such a thing as unavoidable - someone tell me if there's something I'm missing here.)
And so now, I'll confess, to random strangers online, that I'm thinking of leaving her. There are three reasons:
(1) While it's great that we do anal nearly every time, the difference in sex drives is a big problem. I think on the whole we're fairly sexually compatible, but I can also imagine a woman out there with whom I'm much more compatible. Who begs me multiple times a day to put my dick in her ass. Who begs me to A2M her (something I haven't even brought up with her, but which I've done with other women.) Who fingers and toys her asshole when I'm not there. And who doesn't even want vaginal. Etc.
(2) While I get along with her just fine outside of the bedroom, we don't have as much in common as I'd like, and there are plenty of women out there with whom I have more in common.
(3) This is a whole separate discussion, but I have a fairly average partner count, and I've always been a serial monogamist. I've always wondered what it would be like to "play the field" for a little while, and the hope would be that after 10 or 15 new partners, I'd have a higher sample size with which to judge potential long-term girlfriends... and maybe I'd meet someone just as horny and obsessed with anal as I am along the way. I feel that I'm at the best point in my life I'll ever be in right now to play the field, due to where I currently live as well as my current job, and I feel I might regret not doing this while I'm still somewhat young.
Also, regarding point (1), I feel that I might have a chance of turning her into some kind of AO queen... at least, the prospects appear stronger with her than with anyone else I've dated, but I also suspect that I might have an even easier time with someone new. And I think that the sex drive difference is going to be a particularly difficult challenge - give me a nymphomaniac who is really kinky, but doesn't necessarily consider anal one of her kinks, and I might have an easier time turning her into an AO queen.
Okay, so with all the background out of the way, I want to ask: Do you think (non-sexual issues aside) I found someone pretty special, considering she is willing to do anal the vast majority of the time, and nearly every time I'm in the mood for it (even if she is not)? And to the men in this forum, if you were in my shoes, would you try pretty hard to hold on to someone like that?
One more thing: I believe her job is a big part of the reason she's often not in the mood for sex, and I suspect that in a few years (yes, that's YEARS) she'll be in a much less stressful and time-consuming job, and that issue will largely go away (judging from how things have gone when she's been off work). So perhaps another question is whether I could see myself staying with her for years, and potentially delaying indefinitely the idea of me "playing the field," for an even better sex life with her.
That's all, and I'd like to thank you in advance for your input.
I met my current girlfriend last year and told her early on that I prefer anal. I'd say that, over the course of our relationship, we've done anal 80% of the time, with the remaining 20% split between vaginal and oral sex to completion. I've never explicitly talked about or proposed AO, but earlier this year, we went for several months doing nothing but anal.
Just so you know where I stand on the AO spectrum: I vastly prefer anal over vaginal and have a much easier time cumming from it. None of my fantasies or porn habits revolve around vaginal. But I'd also be willing to do vaginal every now and then, and I can cum from it when I'm especially horny. Sometimes, vaginal seems preferable to a blowjob if we're both especially horny and my GF's rectum isn't in great shape (i.e. constipation, just had a painful bowel movement, or anus destroyed from having anal sex the past several days.)
Additionally, while denying clitoral stimulation sounds good in theory, I'm quite content with doing what my GF and I do, which is for me to reach over and get her off with my fingers while I pound her in the ass.
I also think, for what it's worth, that my girlfriend very well might be fine if I proposed AO, but like I said, I'm fine with vaginal every now and then.
But now here's where things get a bit trickier. Her sex drive is a lot lower than mine, and she also has an extremely busy and stressful job that often makes her too tired for sex. Prior to committing to her, we were having anal sex 4 or 5 times in a weekend, but it seems that sex is getting less and less frequent. I had a talk with her about this quite some time ago and she offered to make herself available to me even if she's tired or not in the mood, and she's been doing this, but it's obviously not the same as when the woman is really into it and craves your cum in her ass.
Additionally, she broke the three-month AO streak by asking for vaginal fairly recently, and has been consistently asking for it more lately. Despite the fact that she knows I prefer anal, that she enjoys anal very much, and that it works great for getting the two of us off, I do get the sense that she really does enjoy vaginal and would miss it if we went AO.
She also said that if we have anal sex too many days in a row, her asshole can start to hurt, and she'd prefer to switch to vaginal. (And for the record, I use plenty of lube and I'm quite gentle with her, but as someone who likes having things done to MY ass as well, I view such a thing as unavoidable - someone tell me if there's something I'm missing here.)
And so now, I'll confess, to random strangers online, that I'm thinking of leaving her. There are three reasons:
(1) While it's great that we do anal nearly every time, the difference in sex drives is a big problem. I think on the whole we're fairly sexually compatible, but I can also imagine a woman out there with whom I'm much more compatible. Who begs me multiple times a day to put my dick in her ass. Who begs me to A2M her (something I haven't even brought up with her, but which I've done with other women.) Who fingers and toys her asshole when I'm not there. And who doesn't even want vaginal. Etc.
(2) While I get along with her just fine outside of the bedroom, we don't have as much in common as I'd like, and there are plenty of women out there with whom I have more in common.
(3) This is a whole separate discussion, but I have a fairly average partner count, and I've always been a serial monogamist. I've always wondered what it would be like to "play the field" for a little while, and the hope would be that after 10 or 15 new partners, I'd have a higher sample size with which to judge potential long-term girlfriends... and maybe I'd meet someone just as horny and obsessed with anal as I am along the way. I feel that I'm at the best point in my life I'll ever be in right now to play the field, due to where I currently live as well as my current job, and I feel I might regret not doing this while I'm still somewhat young.
Also, regarding point (1), I feel that I might have a chance of turning her into some kind of AO queen... at least, the prospects appear stronger with her than with anyone else I've dated, but I also suspect that I might have an even easier time with someone new. And I think that the sex drive difference is going to be a particularly difficult challenge - give me a nymphomaniac who is really kinky, but doesn't necessarily consider anal one of her kinks, and I might have an easier time turning her into an AO queen.
Okay, so with all the background out of the way, I want to ask: Do you think (non-sexual issues aside) I found someone pretty special, considering she is willing to do anal the vast majority of the time, and nearly every time I'm in the mood for it (even if she is not)? And to the men in this forum, if you were in my shoes, would you try pretty hard to hold on to someone like that?
One more thing: I believe her job is a big part of the reason she's often not in the mood for sex, and I suspect that in a few years (yes, that's YEARS) she'll be in a much less stressful and time-consuming job, and that issue will largely go away (judging from how things have gone when she's been off work). So perhaps another question is whether I could see myself staying with her for years, and potentially delaying indefinitely the idea of me "playing the field," for an even better sex life with her.
That's all, and I'd like to thank you in advance for your input.