Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Curious about the anal only lifestyle or anal sex in general but have questions or concerns? Ask away here.
wishforAO
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Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by wishforAO » Thu Dec 01, 2022 2:46 pm

So, I seem to be a bit stuck. I 35M and my wife 36F Have been together for 17 years. Anal has always been a part of our sex life pretty much from the start. Over the years there has been some ups and downs as far as anal goes. In our mid twenties we were even AO for about a year though we didn't have a name for it. However ever since our first little one (currently have two) she has seemed less interested in anal and to some degree sex in general. Some change of drive I get I also have less drive than I did in my twenties. Still high but less.

So anyway the current situation that we have agreed on after many discussions. Is an alternating months plan. One month pussy one month ass. It works ok but it is a bit constraining and I feel like she never really gets into the stride of anal like we used to. So I guess I could use some advice on how to progress to AO agin or at least get her enjoying sex more agin.

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Canassman
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Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by Canassman » Thu Dec 01, 2022 4:04 pm

You have probably done this, but it’s not in your post, so I need to ask. Have u talked to her abt the change? Is she less interested in anal? And sex in general? Her voice is missing.
You note you have 2 children, and don’t mention their ages. Are they very young? Women often go through a period where they are primary caregivers and are exhausted with yhe physical and emotional needs of children they must meet. Are you taking on responsibility for caregiving the children as a full partner?
A common concern is dealing with children all day, including their need for physical attention, and then dealing with a male coming home and demanding more physical attention.
You may have already addressed these issues in your relationship, if so I mean no offense, but they are not mentioned in your post so I need to ask

wishforAO
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Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by wishforAO » Thu Dec 01, 2022 4:39 pm

I figured that would be questions like this. It seemed easier to wait for the specific ones rather than try to cover everything in the first post.
So let’s start with the easy stuff. The kids are seven and 2 1/2. I work four days a week for about 10 hours each. Us my usual duties are: make sure the trash gets taken out, do the dishes, I typically am the one changing the little ones diaper and putting her to bed as well as changing her first thing in the morning., when I am home a try to spend time playing with the kids and I have probably between the two kids changed about 2000 diapers or more.. I am currently the only one working so I know she is working hard as the caregiver. I try to give her time to herself most evenings. Laundry is split though I will say she probably does more than I do. The older child is currently in school also four days a week.
As far as talking to her about the change in desire and what not yes I have tried to talk to her about it and also I will give a brief history. It started during the pregnancy with our first child we thought it was just changes because of the pregnancy and things were generally less comfortable whether it was vaginal or anal. Then we thought it was well we’re busy we have a newborn and she still getting back to normal from the pregnancy and then it has been another pregnancy and seven years later and it still hasn’t really improved much.

Colt1911
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Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by Colt1911 » Thu Dec 01, 2022 5:19 pm

wishforAO wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 4:39 pm
I figured that would be questions like this. It seemed easier to wait for the specific ones rather than try to cover everything in the first post.
So let’s start with the easy stuff. The kids are seven and 2 1/2. I work four days a week for about 10 hours each. Us my usual duties are: make sure the trash gets taken out, do the dishes, I typically am the one changing the little ones diaper and putting her to bed as well as changing her first thing in the morning., when I am home a try to spend time playing with the kids and I have probably between the two kids changed about 2000 diapers or more.. I am currently the only one working so I know she is working hard as the caregiver. I try to give her time to herself most evenings. Laundry is split though I will say she probably does more than I do. The older child is currently in school also four days a week.
As far as talking to her about the change in desire and what not yes I have tried to talk to her about it and also I will give a brief history. It started during the pregnancy with our first child we thought it was just changes because of the pregnancy and things were generally less comfortable whether it was vaginal or anal. Then we thought it was well we’re busy we have a newborn and she still getting back to normal from the pregnancy and then it has been another pregnancy and seven years later and it still hasn’t really improved much.

Speaking from experience, sneak sex in when you can but understand this is just part of life with kids. Stay healthy, communicate, love each other, and there will be a time you have for yourselves. We’re in that phase of life now and have sex much more often than we did when we were in your situation. Been there, done that as they say. I remember feeling the same way you do. Ironically, we only discovered anal sex four years ago. Hang in there because the sex can be really good when you get to this phase of your lives. I wish you well.

Backdoorlover
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Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by Backdoorlover » Thu Dec 01, 2022 11:51 pm

So to sum it up

She is a stay at home mum
You are the provider
Even so you help in the housekeeping

She can’t use the kids as an excuse. So her problem lies elsewhere, I would say a typical case of “I’m married with kids and sex is last on my list”

I feel the issue here might just as well he that you are overly empathic to her situation and she feeds on that. Keep having serious talks about this and date to clearly mention there needs to be more.

Then the sex itself. I have been with a women, half my life, who made sex complicated. She was demanding and autistic what turned out in sceduled fuck sessions. Spontanious was difficult. She couldn’t help it, she said, it was in her nature.

Then one day - on vacation - she tells me she’d been fucking a guy she met at the gym for 14 months. With him, like a miracle, there were no issues. She went down on him whenever. They fucked as much as they could. She never even imagined to say no cause her pussy opened up just by getting a text from him.

So never underetimate the reasons why women “change”.
Anal only since 22 december 2021. Living a long time dream

wishforAO
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Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by wishforAO » Fri Dec 02, 2022 11:48 am

Backdoorlover wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 11:51 pm
So to sum it up

She is a stay at home mum
You are the provider
Even so you help in the housekeeping

She can’t use the kids as an excuse. So her problem lies elsewhere, I would say a typical case of “I’m married with kids and sex is last on my list”

I feel the issue here might just as well he that you are overly empathic to her situation and she feeds on that. Keep having serious talks about this and date to clearly mention there needs to be more.

Then the sex itself. I have been with a women, half my life, who made sex complicated. She was demanding and autistic what turned out in sceduled fuck sessions. Spontanious was difficult. She couldn’t help it, she said, it was in her nature.

Then one day - on vacation - she tells me she’d been fucking a guy she met at the gym for 14 months. With him, like a miracle, there were no issues. She went down on him whenever. They fucked as much as they could. She never even imagined to say no cause her pussy opened up just by getting a text from him.

So never underetimate the reasons why women “change”.

Yeah, I definitely feel the first part of this comment especially when I go out of the way to try during vaginal for her and I get a phoned in response when we do anal. I know kids are hard but I do feel frustrated sometimes.

Hoping the second part is not relavent to my situation though at least we are rural and there is no gym :)

Colt1911
Posts: 259
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Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by Colt1911 » Fri Dec 02, 2022 3:02 pm

wishforAO wrote:
Fri Dec 02, 2022 11:48 am
Backdoorlover wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 11:51 pm
So to sum it up

She is a stay at home mum
You are the provider
Even so you help in the housekeeping

She can’t use the kids as an excuse. So her problem lies elsewhere, I would say a typical case of “I’m married with kids and sex is last on my list”

I feel the issue here might just as well he that you are overly empathic to her situation and she feeds on that. Keep having serious talks about this and date to clearly mention there needs to be more.

Then the sex itself. I have been with a women, half my life, who made sex complicated. She was demanding and autistic what turned out in sceduled fuck sessions. Spontanious was difficult. She couldn’t help it, she said, it was in her nature.

Then one day - on vacation - she tells me she’d been fucking a guy she met at the gym for 14 months. With him, like a miracle, there were no issues. She went down on him whenever. They fucked as much as they could. She never even imagined to say no cause her pussy opened up just by getting a text from him.

So never underetimate the reasons why women “change”.

Yeah, I definitely feel the first part of this comment especially when I go out of the way to try during vaginal for her and I get a phoned in response when we do anal. I know kids are hard but I do feel frustrated sometimes.

Hoping the second part is not relavent to my situation though at least we are rural and there is no gym :)

Have you considered possible hormonal changes? Birth control can change a woman’s hormones resulting in a significant loss of libido. Many women who stop taking birth control medication have a marked improvement in libido.

I didn’t even think of it in my first reply, but my wife was on birth control until 5 or 6 years ago. Menopause came late for her. Ironically, her libido improved dramatically when she started hormone replacement therapy more than 4 years ago.

I’ll see if I can find additional information on birth control and reduced libido. If this works, her libido will improve and she won’t need birth control because her preference for anal sex will return. Just a thought as we try to help with your situation.

Colt1911
Posts: 259
Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 4:48 am
Gender: Male

Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by Colt1911 » Fri Dec 02, 2022 3:12 pm

wishforAO wrote:
Fri Dec 02, 2022 11:48 am
Backdoorlover wrote:
Thu Dec 01, 2022 11:51 pm
So to sum it up

She is a stay at home mum
You are the provider
Even so you help in the housekeeping

She can’t use the kids as an excuse. So her problem lies elsewhere, I would say a typical case of “I’m married with kids and sex is last on my list”

I feel the issue here might just as well he that you are overly empathic to her situation and she feeds on that. Keep having serious talks about this and date to clearly mention there needs to be more.

Then the sex itself. I have been with a women, half my life, who made sex complicated. She was demanding and autistic what turned out in sceduled fuck sessions. Spontanious was difficult. She couldn’t help it, she said, it was in her nature.

Then one day - on vacation - she tells me she’d been fucking a guy she met at the gym for 14 months. With him, like a miracle, there were no issues. She went down on him whenever. They fucked as much as they could. She never even imagined to say no cause her pussy opened up just by getting a text from him.

So never underetimate the reasons why women “change”.

Yeah, I definitely feel the first part of this comment especially when I go out of the way to try during vaginal for her and I get a phoned in response when we do anal. I know kids are hard but I do feel frustrated sometimes.

Hoping the second part is not relavent to my situation though at least we are rural and there is no gym :)

Here’s some information for you. Birth control can reduce the amount of testosterone in a woman. Yes, women have testosterone. Testosterone is what enhances a woman’s (and man’s) libido. My wife’s hormone therapy includes testosterone and this greatly improved her libido. it’s a simple blood test and her doctor can prescribe supplemental testosterone. Best of luck to you and your wife.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control ... -sex-drive

https://nypost.com/2018/02/02/i-had-no- ... -life/amp/

wishforAO
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Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2022 1:55 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by wishforAO » Fri Dec 02, 2022 4:40 pm

@Colt1911: Sadly we have been off the pill since our first child who is now 7. I wish that was the simple answer. We currently use condoms when it is a pussy month. Which makes it even lesss fun for me :(

However it is an ass month right now so anyone have advice on how to make it extra good for her? She says she likes to get right to it and not to do a lot of forplay but I really think this would help get her to associate anal with good feelings again. Any tips for how to add forplay or for making the act extra good?

Colt1911
Posts: 259
Joined: Sun Sep 06, 2020 4:48 am
Gender: Male

Re: Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

Post by Colt1911 » Fri Dec 02, 2022 8:20 pm

wishforAO wrote:
Fri Dec 02, 2022 4:40 pm
@Colt1911: Sadly we have been off the pill since our first child who is now 7. I wish that was the simple answer. We currently use condoms when it is a pussy month. Which makes it even lesss fun for me :(

However it is an ass month right now so anyone have advice on how to make it extra good for her? She says she likes to get right to it and not to do a lot of forplay but I really think this would help get her to associate anal with good feelings again. Any tips for how to add forplay or for making the act extra good?

We love ass play. She plugs for several hours which helps warm her up. I tease her ass for a long time. I always squeeze and rub her clit while licking or toying her ass. Everyone is different, but my objective is to get her to crave anal penetration. She has strong anal orgasms. If your wife has anal orgasms she should enjoy the experience. It’s hard to say what might work for you and your wife but it works for us.

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