Want to go AO but not sure how to get there

[Colt1911]

How can you say “don’t make assumptions” and then go on to boldly claim that it’s indeed a loss of interest that’s the root of the problem. LMAO.

He IS an asshole to manipulate or pressure his wife into doing anal when she so clearly does not want to do it. Even if she previously did, their lives completely changed. It’s always so weird to me how men seem so puzzled that their sex lives are affected by children… that bodies change as well as preferences.

EVERY sexual relationship goes through changes. Women go through menopause, men become impotent…do you really think the elderly are still having the same sex they were in their 20’s? When you love someone and are in a committed relationship you work together to find sexual ways to connect that work for both of you. That’s what mature, grown adults in love do.

I don’t consider ourselves “elderly”… yet, but we’re a couple in our mid 60’s who discovered anal about 5 years ago. We also engaged in light anal play, but she didn’t think I could penetrate her after numerous lame attempts.

It was actually hormone therapy that improved her libido and her response to anal play was markedly different. I made sure she always had a clitoral orgasm or two but she had just a handful of orgasms during vaginal penetration in decades of marriage. With her improved libido, she experienced powerful anal orgasms. I also learned how to turn her on to the point she craves anal penetration.

We’re fit and healthy and we want to extend this incredible experience as long as possible. All people are different, but it is so much more erotic to know my play and anal penetration turn her on. I take great pleasure in giving pleasure and taking it in return. We’ve always loved each other deeply, but this has taken our sex life to another level. Relationships and sex are partnerships in which both parties interests must be considered.

[Backdoorlover]

How can you say “don’t make assumptions” and then go on to boldly claim that it’s indeed a loss of interest that’s the root of the problem. LMAO.

He IS an asshole to manipulate or pressure his wife into doing anal when she so clearly does not want to do it.

Saying this you come over as bitter and out to get him. I wonder why ?

So anyway the current situation that we have agreed on after many discussions. Is an alternating months plan. One month pussy one month ass. It works ok but it is a bit constraining and I feel like she never really gets into the stride of anal like we used to. So I guess I could use some advice on how to progress to AO agin or at least get her enjoying sex more agin.

So here he is asking for advice. Yet you call him an asshole. So or you are just reading what you want to read, or you’ve had an asshole in your life and this tears open old wounds.

Either way, don’t talk about people like this, nothing indicates he is as selfish as you assume.

[Sarah1981]

Oh, honey…bitter?

Darling, I’m not the one who spent half my life with someone who cheated on me for 14 months. That’s YOU. My husband is deeply in love with me, and I am with him.

By the way, I just realized you’re the one who wrote that disturbing comment we were all talking about.

I’ll post whatever the hell I want, just like you. You see what you want to see…I’m not surprised you view his wife as the problem and that she “probably feeds on him being overly empathetic.” Yes, obviously his wife’s unwillingness to behave as the anal pornstar she should be after two children and as “wife” is the obvious problem here. LMAO.

Perhaps your bitterness at his wife stems from your own toxic feelings of the betrayal from your former significant other. The one you that you “spent half your life with.” That’s so sad. Really, I feel so bad for you. That had to hurt DEEP.

I’m honestly not surprised you find sympathy with him. “Birds of a feather, flock together.” Good luck, man! Let’s hope the woman you’re with now never changes her interest in you, never has thoughts on her sex life other than what you’ve grown to like and never betrays you.

I wish you all the best!
“Kisses”

[Backdoorlover]

Hahahaah. Here we have it. Thank you for proving my point.

You can’t even have a conversation whitout attacking people. I feel sorry for you and for your husband.

[wishforAO]

@backdoorlover: Thanks for sticking up for me. Hope it didn’t make things difficult for you here.
@Sarah1981: While I find your response to backdoorlover a bit to spicy for my taste, you are right that you can post what you like. Also you are not wrong to question my story and motivations. You don’t know me so it makes sense. I do wish you were a bit more gentle though. I will try to address some of the stuff that was discussed while I was gone. If I miss something let me know and I will try to address it.
1. I do care deeply about her pleasure. It has always been something that brought me joy and gratification. From the start I have tried to find what she likes. Through a combination of asking, suggesting, and rarely when it felt right spontaneously trying something, (not anal), I found a few things that used to work until things changed. Now I am at a loss despite continued attempts. That is why I asked for ideas. Also she has always said she prefers to get to the main event regardless of what we are doing.
2. Our current arrangement is a compromise, so yes neither of us is 100% happy with it, it was born out of many attempts to go with the flow which failed several times. Some my fault some not. Many discussions were had.
3. It is not just anal that changed and neither was first as far as I can tell.
4. I did not say I did half the household work. I did say that I do contribute. I thought it would be petty to list every little thing I do. I know she does ALOT. Sometimes when I know I have a slow day at work I have taken the kids to the office, not all that often but enough to get a taste. I would like to say that I consider working to be part of me pulling my weight. I feel like being expected to do half the housework and all my work work is a little bit of a high expectation. Different if both working since that is 50/50. Not playing down house stuff. Just feel earning a living gets played down, it is just different.

5. I was frustrated when I first posted. I shared some of my less generous feelings. Later I tried to be more positive and constructive. I am not sure why but that seems to make look like a huge butthole, so sorry

6. In regard to men having trouble with change, i can’t speak for all men but for me it is the quickness of the changes that got to me. I have changed but slowly to use an example that was mentioned I don’t feel like I could go for a romp every hour like I did when 20. But it was a gradual change. Mentally I still feel pretty much the same love and desire for my wife as I did when we got married. Some nuance I am sure but essentially the same. Probably why the change in intimacy makes me sad.

[hdean667]

This is not an uncommon thing for women to have lower sex drives after kids. There is a lot that goes into it. But there is also a tendency for both parties to forget about intimacy. You have the lives you lead, have conversations about the household and kids, go to bed and try to have sex or not. So many couples forget about the intimate conversations.

To be specific, intimate conversations are not necessarily about sex. They are about each other. They are how and where you have the conversation. I frequently lay in bed with my GF and chat. Frequently we lay together, spooning and talking about whatever. Other times we talk about our sex life. Sometimes I just stroke her skin and offer occasional kisses. Frankly, that intimacy has led me n my girl to surprisingly good sex when neither of us were originally in the mood.

One other thing you might have overlooked is how a lot of women feel about themselves after childbirth. I have known a lot of women who felt very unattractive after giving birth. A little re-assurance can go a long way. Even if she believes otherwise, letting her know you find her beautiful will make her feel more secure. If she feels beautiful it will be reflected in so many ways - one being sex.

Bottom line - treat her like you did when you were courting her - before you lived together.