Anal Only Lifestyle Forum

Not sure if this is the correct group, but I need some assistance. My wife and I have attempted to have anal sex a couple of times but with limited success as she keeps on tensing up which then stops everything.

I normally get her relaxed by going down on her and playing with her, normal foreplay, and even get to the point where I can insert 2 fingers in her ass. But when I then try and go in she tenses up and it starts to hurt her. She says she is trying to relax but it seems to tense her up more. Furthest that we've gotten to date is with my penis head inside but no further.

She really wants to give this to me but is struggling. Had a bad anal experience with her ex husband so don't know if this caused a mental block of sort. I also don't have the smallest of penises, not sure if that is a factor though.

Besides this our sex life is okay, just feel bad that I want anal and she wants to give it to me but am unable to do so. Any advice that can help with this will be appreciated.

My advice is to take it slow. Try to give her an orgasm with your fingers or a small toy in her ass. This may help her relax and associate pleasure with something in her ass. We did this for many, many years before I was able to penetrate her ass with my cock. Hormone therapy helped improve her libido and now she wants nothing but anal sex. Go slow, get some small toys, and stimulate her clit. We’ve been married 41 years and our first penetrative anal sex occurred just five years ago.

Here the opinion you probably don’t want to read:

If she is relaxed while you finger her ass, but tenses up right away if you want to assfuck her, she doesn’t fully trust you.

Only a woman who fully trusts the man who enter her asshole, will like having her ass fucked. So what needs to be done here, is building deep trust. And that’s hard.

If the heart says yes, the ass says yes.

This might help.

My wife & I have been anal only for 30+ years so we're pretty experienced and yet I found a new way to help her relax and open up.
I ordered a set of 3 pink glass anal plugs from Loveplugs and we began experimenting with them.

I found that by dipping the tip of the tapered plug in a jar of coconut oil and then rubbing it around her anus, slowly inserting it part way, rubbing around again until I finally get it in makes her really responsive for more action.
She says the plug feels much better than my finger in her butt.
After a bit of this preliminary opening up we'll either play with the larger plug or go right into anal fucking.

After she has her first orgasm she enjoys it when I insert the longer, curved small end plug and then put my dick in at the same time.
If I do it right I can get the ball end of the plug to massage her G spot and get her to cum again.

I know some of this may be a bit advanced for you but I'm just wanting to show what is possible when your partner is introduced gently and lovingly to anal sex.
I would suggest starting out with the lubed plug and see how she takes to it.

I agree with Luv2play45, we always use a toy/plug with coconut oil before advancing. Very few women can accept penetration without warmup. Go very slowly on each session and progress further over time, very slowly. Most women have negative experiences because us guys go too quickly.