Need help with my fiance mind

[MindUnlocker]

I need help. Sorry about this post not gonna be the hot post where somebody simply tells about their anal experiences, you'll be able to read some ones, but I need to focus it in the mental aspect.

I need opinions, know another point of views, have some new clues and hints about what's exactly happening in my relationship with my wife since 20 years ago, and I wonder if people like you would be able to provide me with some keys to solve my situation.


As I said, I'm with my wife more than twenty years (both only had one couple, ourselves), and in twenty years, both member of the couple are able to dissapoint each other several times, you know, time puts everything in their place. We know we still love each other, and we admitt it to our faces.

We started having anal more than ten years ago, I was wondering how it would be, and she, enjoying vaginal penetration, was able to feel curiosity enough to try it. We started as everything starts, making some errors, trying things, having partial successful, getting wrong and hurting her a few times.

With the years and experience, we know pretty well how to practice anal in the right way, after a vaginal session, baby swipes to clean her when she is empty, rimming her without forgot her clit, and use some spite to lubricate her and myself. Penetrate her slowly while she pushes and get relaxed, and once being fully inside her, stop, start to kissing and give her a minute or two to have her adapted, start slowly and let the things happen until finish completely ramming her and cumming inside.
What I'm trying to say is... our bodies works. Works perfectly. Specially well in missionary. Myself in doggy style, with a beautiful perspective, still feels the neccessity to kiss her, to watch her face, her eyes, her smile, her way to breath and change the position. The problem is absolutely far from be there, in our bodies.

The problem is in her mind. I desire her. I touch her, her ass, her spectacular female hips... and she gets annoyed by that. She knows I'm thinking in her ass and pussy, she feels my desire and express rejection (not repulse). I can leave her alone for three days and can't resist don't touch her in the fourth day, and be said: c'mon!, again?, you're obssessed!. I can' avoid feel myself absolutely rejected, can't figure out why this reaction. And she told me she knows I'm thinking in her ass, but, where's the problem I guess!?.
She confess me about she totally refuses the idea to be anal fucked. She feels bad, mentally. She says anal is not always enjoyable, and I go out if I watch in her face something goes wrong. I've always done that, she knows I will go out if anal doesn't works, but is like she doesn't trust me when she knows I will leave her ass if isn't working. She basically only remember the times it goes bad, while I can't stop remembering the ways always gone absolutely perfect. She can told me she doesn't like anal, but I know what I watched, I know what I've seen. I remember her face absolutely lustful, eyes almost closed, mouth opened and moaning, her telling to me please absolutely pound my ass with no mercy. I've never seen that face in other situation, not even when she is cumming from vaginal. I have that face, that situation, that emotional link in my mind with obsession, trying to reach that point when I have the opportunity, but she, when we start having sex, turns all this heaven, all that hot situation into a hell. Like she refuses to turn on herself, to get absolutely randy and hot because she will finish with her ass wonderfully fucked and stretched and full of cum, and she will remember it as something negative when she has enjoyed absolutely, I've seen in her face, I've listeded her words about how wonderfull has been, words that got faded away in the air after 15 minutes after sex and have started to do another tasks at home. As if her would need to destroy that memories about how well and pleasurable has been to keep the idea about who is her in really, clinging to the bad experiences of the past, and erasing the great moments.
I feel no connection with her. She prefers to start discussions in bed in place of take a break to take a pleasurable time, she complains bitterly about I need an hour to be sexually satisfied, she throws me task to do at home or at future, she finds the way to break any copule connection to be a couple. Sometimes I fuck her like the perfect flashlight vagina, trying to get her randy and hot, awaiting for the real emotional connection starts while she refuses that happens, until I desist and not even cum myself, I leave her, remaining myslef completely frustated. I feel her cold as ice. And I can't forget about other times (three or four at year) where everything flows, where no words are needed, where she was completely clean and we went back and forth between anal and vaginal (with no UTI), where I was fucking her ass giving her three half deep strokes in her ass, and one long and deep stroke in her pussy, while she was absolutely dilated, wild, and out of control and requesting me about forget her pussy and ram mercilessly her ass.
Sometimes I fuck her mind, have no other option. I start fucking her pussy to my ice-cold wife, her body got wet perfectly, and still that coldness. I realize avoiding her look and starting to tell her I'm gonna fill her with cum, that gonna finish with semen running down her legs, that she gonna finish pregnant of two new kids, and things of that effect, she ends up in flames, she is able to cum in the next minute and tell me I'm terrible and very bad person between smiles because I broke her mental barrier carrying her to her more animal and instinctive feelings, while she knows she have failed to avoid this mentality change.
That home taks I was talking about, are mainly cleaning, a never ending task, obsessed with cleaningness as myself in sex, so always haves that card to play against me, even when is everything already clean. But that's not important, what I can't stop asking is, why?, why she refuses to enjoy her full body? Am I the problem myself?. Is her tired of me? (Despite to share two kids). I feel myself like a thief jump-starting a car, when I should have the keys!.
In your opinion, why so hard to connect with her? why so hard to reach her to their limit?, to reach her out of control? why that refuse to the anal idea when she is perfectly able to enjoy and her body is more than prepared?

In the same way, she chooses not to use her ass (at least, when is not hot), she told me: Why not I penetrate to you? You have prostate and its well known its absolutely pleasurable. And it's a no by my side, I feel primal male, I want to stick my cock in her and nothing more, but probably is a similar situation (despite the fact, she likes the idea to be penetrated, vaginally). If I choose not to be assfucked, probably I should be able to respect her choice, since after all, she feels bad afterwards, I guess as I would feel similarly (or even worse) If I would access to prostate stimulation, it would be pleasurable or not.
So, am I going wrong with her?. I know I can't refuse to anal, I can't resignate to stop carrying her to that primal point where is out of control, I need to see that pleasure face over and over again. I refuse to believe I'm wrong with her, but logic says to me, in fact, I am.

[Backdoorlover]

I read it all and my opinion is that her newly toxic behavior might as well have a reason you will not like at all.

I think there is another man in her life. Maybe she isn’t fucking him (yet) but she knows some other man wants her. Why do I think so ? Because some of the things she does or says reminds me of the things my first wife did or say while she was fucking another man on the side.

It’s like suddenly they loose any fear of you walking away, because another man is already in place to take over your role. And that other man makes her pussy wet, just by looking at her a certain way.

So I think she’s fucking another man and is in the process of making you leave her, so she can never be called the bad one.

[MindUnlocker]

I read it all and my opinion is that her newly toxic behavior might as well have a reason you will not like at all.

I think there is another man in her life. Maybe she isn’t fucking him (yet) but she knows some other man wants her. Why do I think so ? Because some of the things she does or says reminds me of the things my first wife did or say while she was fucking another man on the side.

It’s like suddenly they loose any fear of you walking away, because another man is already in place to take over your role. And that other man makes her pussy wet, just by looking at her a certain way.

So I think she’s fucking another man and is in the process of making you leave her, so she can never be called the bad one.

A possibility that could fit, and for me, it is useful. Honestly, I've not gone home because I don't want abandone my childs, neither fail to my family.
But I desire to quit and go to live my own life, dissapear, erase all and make a new start.

Thank you Backdoorlover for your opinion. What things reminds to you at the behaviour of your first wife?. She was annoyed too when you touch her, for example?. Have you more -bad- memories about other behaviours of your first wife that could contrast by myself withh my situation?.

The fact is, I already asked her about go away home, and still says she wants to stay. I manifested my thoughts about go away home and she insists in me not going away. Maybe she doesn't knows how to "change" their kids father or how to explain it to them. I don't know.

Thanks mate.

[Backdoorlover]

Red flags with my ex, which I then didn’t recognise:

She suddenly wanted to have sex sunday morning, while she always knew I am not a morning fucker. When one day my cock wouldn’t get hard, she got mad. She said any man would get get hard for her and I couldn’t even fuck her.

Later I found out she fucked her new boyfriend every monday and he wasn’t fond of shoving his cock into my cum.

Another event was when I was freshly showered, no kids at home, so I ran downstairs naked with a hardon and shoved it in her mouth. Something she always loved. Now suddenly she acted like I was raping her and got all mad.

Later I found out this was a monday evening and she fucked her lover. She absolutely didn’t want to swallow my sperm too.

Overall her behavior became more toxic, she got strong reactions on being called a slut during sex (because she knew she was one) and she started to dress sexy for no reason. I asked her if she wanted to wear a thongbikini on our couple vacation and her exact reaction was “I will do that for you”. She even allowed me to put her thong pics on Facebook and Insta. Like suddenly she wanted to be seen. Something she never did before.

Lots of behavior patterns which were totally new.

[semi-normal]

Another possibility is that she does not have another lover, but she is done with the marriage.

[MindUnlocker]

Red flags with my ex, which I then didn’t recognise:

She suddenly wanted to have sex sunday morning, while she always knew I am not a morning fucker. When one day my cock wouldn’t get hard, she got mad. She said any man would get get hard for her and I couldn’t even fuck her.

Later I found out she fucked her new boyfriend every monday and he wasn’t fond of shoving his cock into my cum.

Another event was when I was freshly showered, no kids at home, so I ran downstairs naked with a hardon and shoved it in her mouth. Something she always loved. Now suddenly she acted like I was raping her and got all mad.

Later I found out this was a monday evening and she fucked her lover. She absolutely didn’t want to swallow my sperm too.

Overall her behavior became more toxic, she got strong reactions on being called a slut during sex (because she knew she was one) and she started to dress sexy for no reason. I asked her if she wanted to wear a thongbikini on our couple vacation and her exact reaction was “I will do that for you”. She even allowed me to put her thong pics on Facebook and Insta. Like suddenly she wanted to be seen. Something she never did before.

Lots of behavior patterns which were totally new.

Appears there is easy path for anybody. I see you've suffered too until find a real partner to share the life with. Congrats, I'm pretty sure you know appreciate your current situation.

Another possibility is that she does not have another lover, but she is done with the marriage.

Hi semi-normal!. Probably is done with the marriage. Condemned by the kids, maybe. I would love to have some proof of infidelity or just get her drunk enough to spit everything she really thinks and feels, and clarify this situation to act in consecuence.
The problem with that is, if I put some pressure on her, starts to cry and stop to talk, is a very visceral moment, without barriers or double checking before to talk, but I can't figure out what is really hidden in her mind.

Thank you all for give your opinions/point of view, different depending the life experience of everyone.

Lets hear the next conclusions, if more people think in the same direction or see other possibilities.

[Colt1911]

Life is too short. Everyone should do what they can to find happiness. I believe you have to give the marriage a chance, but once those tries are exhausted, move on.

Marriage is not unlike hiring and firing employees. Hire slow and fire fast. Take your time before you commit to marriage, but once you’ve tried and failed to preserve the marriage, move on to find happiness. She may be grateful you did.

It’s sad, especially when children are involved. I consider myself a lucky man that we’re able to get along in and out of the bedroom. Good luck with your situation.

[Backdoorlover]

Another thing I’ve been through was a narcessistic woman. She did things like you discribe early on. Like after a few years. First initiate anal sex, allowing me to assfuck her whenever I wanted and then slowly take it away. Telling me is was my thing and she just went along.

Even go to that toxic converstation where she told me I should find a nice gay bottom to fuck, since I was so into anal.

The things she did, like telling one thing one day and totally change her point of view the next, was annoying and exhausting.

But since you are married for 20 years I assume your wife’s behavior hasn’t changed overnight and is something of the last years.

[MindUnlocker]

Even go to that toxic converstation where she told me I should find a nice gay bottom to fuck, since I was so into anal.

That one has happened.

Perhaps all this is about several dissapointings/disagrees over the years, like a slow withering over time.

Colt, already out of chances.. probably. Just with the will something happen, fix the situation or finish it.

I'm gonna need to think deeply about the kids. And how do all this mess hurting them as little as possible.

[Colt1911]

@MindUnlocker kids complicate the situation but they may already recognize the tensions between you and your wife. If they do, a separation may relieve some of the anxiety they’re already experiencing. Separating may also make also make your wife realize her role in the difficulties you’re experiencing. No marriage is ever perfect. This year we’ll celebrate our 42nd anniversary. Every relationship requires work but I consider myself a lucky man.