Introduce girlfriend to anal sex

[switch_dude]

We have been in a relationship with her for 5 years and they will probably last a very long time (maybe a lifetime). So I would like to come to harmony in sex. We are doing well with sex life and she and I are very understanding. She likes that I'm into anal (receiving), but when I bring up the topic that she can try too, she abruptly refuses. She believes that anal sex can only be enjoyable for guys. I try to explain to her that the main stimulation often does not come from the prostate, but the feeling itself is pleasant (for whom is it submission or just the fact of penetration or fullnes). Moreover, she likes playing with the area around the anus.
I don't in any way want to forcibly do what she doesn't want, but maybe I'm missing something and she can be somehow introduced to it

This is not a dealbreaker in a relationship in any sense, but I would like to know how people introduce their partners to new aspects of sex life(for example dom/sub play)

PS: she has a submissive side (she is a switch like me, although not very dom). That is, sometimes she likes rough things (submission and the like). She doesn't deny it, but she doesn't want to try until the next mood rush. It feels like she's denying it inside, but if I understand and catch the moment when she wants it, then everything is fine.

[Colt1911]

@switch_dude maybe some of the women on the forum will chime in and provide advice.

From my perspective, I believe you should let her know how important this is for you. Maybe she had a bad previous experience trying anal. You mentioned she likes to touch her hole. During your talk, tell her you’ll show her how anal play can be pleasurable. Go slow. The idea is to tease her to the point she craves a bit more. Ask her if you can insert a finger. It also helps to suck or rub her clit during ass play. You want her to associate ass play with pleasure. Because she is so tentative, you must take this slowly. If she can orgasm with a finger in her ass it might help her enjoy the feeling. Just go slow no matter how badly you want to pound her ass.

Most of us on the forum had to start at the same place. Deliver pleasure and I believe it’s likely she will crave more. Watch amateur anal porn where the woman is clearly enjoying the experience. If you can help her achieve anal orgasm with fingers and toys, she will me much more receptive to anal sex.

Good luck in your anal journey. Many here will be happy to provide advice. Welcome to the forum.

[semi-normal]

@switch_dude maybe some of the women on the forum will chime in and provide advice.

From my perspective, I believe you should let her know how important this is for you. Maybe she had a bad previous experience trying anal. You mentioned she likes to touch her hole. During your talk, tell her you’ll show her how anal play can be pleasurable. Go slow. The idea is to tease her to the point she craves a bit more. Ask her if you can insert a finger. It also helps to suck or rub her clit during ass play. You want her to associate ass play with pleasure. Because she is so tentative, you must take this slowly. If she can orgasm with a finger in her ass it might help her enjoy the feeling. Just go slow no matter how badly you want to pound her ass.

Most of us on the forum had to start at the same place. Deliver pleasure and I believe it’s likely she will crave more. Watch amateur anal porn where the woman is clearly enjoying the experience. If you can help her achieve anal orgasm with fingers and toys, she will me much more receptive to anal sex.

Good luck in your anal journey. Many here will be happy to provide advice. Welcome to the forum.

Good advice here and going slow is key. It has taken me years to get my girl to the point we are at today and we almost always finish with anal.

[Colt1911]

@semi-normal for those of us who really love anal, the destination was well worth the patiently executed journey.

[Rimmer]

For us it was a long journey. She was not into anal at all! But we realized we were in love and a long relationship seemed on the cards. To start with she wouldn't even be touched there, didn't even like the idea that I was looking at her ass hole with desire. Doggy was a position we found we liked, but even that was a no no at the start. I think she found the idea of doing it 'doggy style' degrading (boy how that has all changed now!) So when she eventually got over that and discovered she actually likes doing it 'doggy style' it became a fave. BUT, I had to fuck her all the time gazing into her sweet ass hole and wishing I was in there instead. Eventually she realized that if we were to have a long term relationship we both needed to be satisfied in it, so she slowly allowed me access to her ass hole. Access was only very occasional and penetration took a long time to achieve, she was sooo tight, like trying to get a small goldfish to give you a BJ and not break its jaw. Her hole was a pin prick and I wondered if I would ever get in there. Between her being so tight and me shooting my load with excitement before even getting her outer sphincter to open and access only being every few months to start with - SLOOOOOOW progress! Eventually we were able to have anal sex, though she only did it to fill my need, She didn't like it, but we wanted to be together and we wanted to satisfy each others needs. It did feel very odd having sex with her knowing she didn't really want to, but that almost sort of turned into a kink for me, I guess a way of mentally protecting myself from the situation; we wanted to stay together, I had certain needs and she wanted, all be it reluctantly, to fulfil that for me. Then, out of the blue, one day, she asked me if I wanted to go AO, we I had not even heard of the term , neither had she, she just asked if I wanted to use her ass exclusively for sex. At first I thought its was going to be the, "what's wrong with my pussy, are you really gay?" challenge , but I did say yes, I would like to only use your ass for sex, and she just said "OK" we went AO for several years from that point on. It later turned out she had enjoyed submitting to my need for anal, even though she didn't like it. Some time later she told me she wanted me to dominate her - asking me if I wanted to go AO was her way of getting herself under domination, but she hadn't realised it fully back then. And some time after that she revealed she had a sort of rape fetish. So all the time I had been feeling funny about having anal with her when she didn't really want to, she had been having a good old time pretending I was abusing her, fantasizing about being raped. Turned out it had to be a form of sex that she didn't like and wouldn't normally agree to to make the fantasy realistic for her!!!! Anyway, we went AO and she also became free use anal or anytime anal for me (just me) and I was like a kid in a candy store. We had so much anal that she became used to it and then started liking it. Though we are not AO anymore, Anal is still our default form of sex, like piv is kinky sex and Anal is the norm for us. She also discovered she is a switch sometimes and a Brat, that all took some working out as we were un aware of the terms, it's not like it was something we heard about and thought we would try, it's just the way she is, she was relieved when I looked into why she was acting how she was sometimes. If the hat fits, wear it, and she fits those terms, so she goes by them, quite proudly. A Submissive Switch Brat with a rape fetish, try managing that one! (it's not so much that she is submissive, though that's how it works out most of the time, but it is that she likes to be dominated)So for some one like her, to be dominated means the Dom getting her to do things she wouldn't normally do or even like. So if you have a submissive partner, it depends how they want to submit, for her her love of piv was over ruled by her need to be dominated, she allowed me to deny her piv and impose AO on her so she could enjoy my dominance. Now she likes anal, so we find other things to tick this box for her. I told her to learn to deepthroat the other year, now she can and can get giddy doing it, so now I have told her to get used to me controlling her with my hands on the back of her head. When I first did this, the Brat came out and rebuked me, so I knew that that would be the next submission she would need to make once she got used to and liked giving deepthroat, this is the current submission I am having her work on. Point being that, depending on how she wants to be submissive, her not liking something is not necessarily a bad thing, the thing she doesn't want to do can be just what she needs to do for her to get the best feeling out of her need to be submissive, but you have to handle it very carefully.

[Colt1911]

@Rimmer yours is a great success story and testament to your patience, especially trying to figure out the dynamics of what turns her on. I’m not sure I’d be able to figure that out on my own.

We don’t have a free use agreement in our anal only relationship but maybe I’m missing the point that she wants me to “challenge” her in that regard?

In our mid 60’s, we’re both satisfied with anal sex 2 or 3 times a week. She also insists on cleaning out but occasionally will engage in spontaneous anal after a party where she’s been drinking.

My fantasy, which will never be realized, is an anal only threesome with another woman. My wife enjoys lesbian anal porn as well as FFM threesomes, but it would require the most impossible of circumstances to ever happen. I live my life with no regrets and a regular threesome might inevitably result in conflict which I don’t need at this point of my life and loving relationship with my anal only wife.

[switch_dude]

@Colt1911 I try to be slow. Maybe sometimes I should hold myself back and continue at a slow pace :D
@Rimmer thanks for the answer! I saw so many similarities with our situation. For example she said that she has something like a rape fetish, but thinks that in reality she won't like it. And she's a switch too, so she sometimes becomes a dom.
Your answer gave me hope because the situation is very similar to mine :D
Now we study in different cities, so sex is not regular (we see each other in winter and summer). I think as soon as we move in (in a year and a half) and sex becomes regular, we will be able to somehow develop in this regard.
Still, it strikes me how many similarities there are in your story with mine. Thanks again for the reply

[semi-normal]

Great stories from Colt and Rimmer and congratulations on your success. Mine is still a bit of work in progress as we are not AO and probably will never be, but including anal in almost every session is awesome so I cannot complain. She is reserved by nature but has made efforts to be open minded with me and she really has come a long way. We don't do exactly the same things every session, but parts of bdsm are generally included and I believe this helps put her into sub space. What started as a one off anal experiment 9 years ago has grown; although I know she does not love it as much as I do (yet), she does it for me and I am convinced is what has brought us closer than ever.

@switch_dude A big disadvantage for you is not being able to see her regularly. If she is open to wearing a plug that would be a good habit. There are the kind which vibrate and are controlled by phone so you can remotely turn it on/off and make adjustments. May keep the spark alive for future anal opportunities.
My girl is reluctant with plugs remotely, but I put one in her every time we are together as prep.

[Rimmer]

Thanks @switch_dude yes I hoped it might encourage you after reading your situation. It is hard to say what I said without seeming like some kind of 24/7 BDSM guy with a cage and a dungeon in the cellar - having said that, if I had a cellar! My wife will sometimes switch as a Brat, I think this is to test out my Dominance. I once backed down to her as she seemed upset about something I wanted her to 'submit' to, when I did she got extremely upset because I had backed down - I had failed to dominate her! I discovered she doesn't respond well to manhandling, but she does like to be pinned down, held down, firm but gentle choke holds; this all panders to her rape thing. If I want her to do something that she is reluctant to it is best, in our case, to tell her and wait, then re state what I need her to do. She may challenge me and say, do you really expect me to do that? and I will re confirm that I do. She might look at me like I am a piece of shit on her shoe or call me a pervert or some such thing, if she is being Brattish, but eventually she will do what I have instructed. This period of reluctance is quite erotic for both of us. Other times she will be totally submissive. Occasionally she will want to switch to Dom, but only occasionally. The funny thing is that as Dom I get to decide if she can switch or not, not switching, if she does want to dominate, is then part of her submission to me, so there is a little mind fuck right there. If she does switch then I usually get fisted - which I actually love, occasionally I'll be genitally spanked and she may tell me to masturbate as she watches, she likes to see me jerk off & ejaculate. Sometimes the Brat (Bratticus, as it calls itself) will get over giddy and try to mess things up with its over enthusiasm and giddiness, the thing she is meant to be submitting to becomes a fun game for her and I have to calm her down and remind her of her place.

[Rimmer]

@Colt1911

My wife enjoys lesbian anal porn

My wife is not into porn herself, but has told me she occasionally dreams unintentionally about having lesbian sex or being in a situation where another woman is enticing her. The funny thing is that she is often hit on by lesbians. I have often gone to the rest room only to come back and a girl is chatting her up. It even happened on a walking trip, I went into a shop and when I came out a woman from another trekking party was was hitting on her in the village square. She must give out lesbian vibes. It is different to a woman coming up just to pass the time of day, it's a definite flirt or outright invitation to date or have sex. I tease her sometimes by slipping my cock and balls back and clamping my legs together so my groin looks like a pussy with a black bush, I invite her to go down on me, drink from the furry cup. She usually laughs it off, but now and then she will and she will consider my cock a big clit, my ball sack is labia and my anus my vagina. She will suck and eat the lot pretending it is a girls pussy - it is hot as heck. After the first time she did this roll play, I decided to try it by putting myself as best I could, in a female mind set and trying to eat her as another woman would rather than as a man would, do it the girly way, if there is such a thing. I didn't tell her at he time, but I could swear she responded differently to a different touch.