Moving to the next stage

Curious about the anal only lifestyle or anal sex in general but have questions or concerns? Ask away here.
Robert
Posts: 241
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 5:17 am

Moving to the next stage

Post by Robert » Tue Apr 08, 2014 11:36 am

I've reached the point now where I am so bored of vaginal sex. I've read everything here and know I want my girlfriend and I to go AO more than anything else. She enjoys anal but I know to get where I want us to be we need to be having less vaginal and more anal. I've heard recommendations about having a trial AO month, but I'm not ready to suggest that and she's not ready either. The question is, given that she only does anal when she wants to and she initiates it, how do I make it happen more often?

marcus
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Location: UK

Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by marcus » Tue Apr 08, 2014 2:00 pm

Have you tried simply asking for more anal? She may not realise how important it is to you and think you are entirely happy with the current arrangement. As always, communication is the key.

the2beans
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Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by the2beans » Tue Apr 08, 2014 2:00 pm

Robert wrote:I've reached the point now where I am so bored of vaginal sex. I've read everything here and know I want my girlfriend and I to go AO more than anything else. She enjoys anal but I know to get where I want us to be we need to be having less vaginal and more anal. I've heard recommendations about having a trial AO month, but I'm not ready to suggest that and she's not ready either. The question is, given that she only does anal when she wants to and she initiates it, how do I make it happen more often?

No one here can give you the 'correct' answer since every case is unique and we have no idea how she might react to certain approaches. I would personally suggest caution, as I've said in some other threads. If you push the issue and she doesn't feel comfortable with that, you might cause her to become more resistant to anal sex as she could feel like giving you an inch will make you demand a mile.

Since you say that suggesting a period of anal-only is not a good idea with her, I think there's little else that would be any more likely to succeed at what you're hoping to accomplish. I think the best course of action is to continue as you have, but perhaps go far out of your way to make every anal experience as pleasant for her as possible. For me, this means really pampering my wife extra special on anal evenings. Massages, chocolate sweets, picking up groceries and taking care of dinner are ways that I have done extra to 'butter her up' for anal evenings. It's not that I have to do these things to get it, but by giving her extra special treatment when she gives me extra special treatment had positive effects for us. I make sure every time we do it, she is treated like a queen even more than usual.

When we're finally in the throws of passion and I'm fully buried in my happy place, she often turns back to me over her shoulder and tells me how amazing it feels and how much she loves it. This is what I try to foster because it's the surefire way to keep her wanting it again.

Robert
Posts: 241
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 5:17 am

Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by Robert » Mon Apr 28, 2014 2:36 pm

the2beans wrote: I would personally suggest caution, as I've said in some other threads. If you push the issue and she doesn't feel comfortable with that, you might cause her to become more resistant to anal sex as she could feel like giving you an inch will make you demand a mile.

Since you say that suggesting a period of anal-only is not a good idea with her, I think there's little else that would be any more likely to succeed at what you're hoping to accomplish.

It's not necessarily that I don't think it's a good idea, I'm just wary of pushing her too hard and too fast.

Since other people have managed to go completely AO there must be a point where the preference starts to shift and anal becomes more frequent, and vaginal less so. Obviously I'm very keen to make that happen, and there must be some successful approaches that others have employed.
the2beans wrote: I think the best course of action is to continue as you have, but perhaps go far out of your way to make every anal experience as pleasant for her as possible. For me, this means really pampering my wife extra special on anal evenings. Massages, chocolate sweets, picking up groceries and taking care of dinner are ways that I have done extra to 'butter her up' for anal evenings.

I've been doing all of that just recently. I've also ordered the butt-plug set that you recommended so that's something else to look forward too :D

the2beans
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Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by the2beans » Mon Apr 28, 2014 2:55 pm

Robert wrote:It's not necessarily that I don't think it's a good idea, I'm just wary of pushing her too hard and too fast.

And so you should be. The last thing you want is to come across pushy and have her resist purely because it seems like what she has always believed was her "normal" hole doesn't satisfy you. It's understandably difficult for some women to understand some men are entirely turned on by asses and little or not at all by vaginas and that it has nothing at all to do with her vagina specifically.
Robert wrote:Since other people have managed to go completely AO there must be a point where the preference starts to shift and anal becomes more frequent, and vaginal less so. Obviously I'm very keen to make that happen, and there must be some successful approaches that others have employed.

Some (very few, I would wager) people may have managed it, but many, many, many more people have likely failed to make it happen. That some shift in preferences occurs with one person does not mean it will hold up with any other individual on earth. Not saying you shouldn't try, but it's worth keeping expectations realistic lest you be disappointed if it ultimately proves something that's not going to happen entirely as you hope it would.

While I've been very lucky and successful with our sex life in the past year, I have noted that my wife still likes to have some vaginal sex now and again. I'm pretty sure that her desire to do it occasionally is less based on it being desirable to her (though it is) and more based on a subconscious feeling that she needs to do it sometimes to be 'normal' and also because I think she sees vaginal sex as a way to "take care of me" without all the extra work of preparing for anal sex. In most cases, however, when anal sex is not going to happen, she offers me a blowjob instead, so vaginal these days is no more than once or twice a month tops. I'd be perfectly content if we never did it again, of course, but I haven't and likely won't suggest it at all because I'm very lucky to have what I do and I don't want to "rock the boat" so to speak.

marcus
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Location: UK

Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by marcus » Tue Apr 29, 2014 1:23 pm

I really don't think there is anything wrong in being open and honest with her about you wanting more anal sex, provided you don't make any demands or ultimatums. Pick an appropriate time, when she's in a positive mood, to discuss it. Tell her how much it means to you, you don't have to make anything up. Let her know how much anal turns you on, just don't over play it!

Robert
Posts: 241
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 5:17 am

Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by Robert » Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:39 pm

the2beans wrote: The last thing you want is to come across pushy and have her resist purely because it seems like what she has always believed was her "normal" hole doesn't satisfy you. It's understandably difficult for some women to understand some men are entirely turned on by asses and little or not at all by vaginas and that it has nothing at all to do with her vagina specifically.

Thank you. It helps to be talking with someone who actually gets it. I like her vagina, I really do. It's actually a really pretty one I think and I've often told her so. It's not about her or her vagina. But that part just isn't meaningful in a sexual way to me and nothing can change that.

I want to bring about a change in her without her thinking there is something wrong with her, because there isn't. And she does satisfy me, if she could just see that the "normal" hole, as you put it, is her anus instead.

I'm really envious of where you are at. Likewise, I'd be content if we never had vaginal again. But if we could get to where you are I'd probably settle for that.
Theres no doubt that she loves anal, and she cums every time we do. That's something she's never been able to do just from vaginal so from my point of view the advantages are clear.

TheDirtyDon
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Gender: Couple

Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by TheDirtyDon » Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:56 pm

She might make that decision herself overtime, as anal starts to replace vaginal sex. It did for us this past year, but took 3 years to get here. Where as before we'd usually ask "pussy" or "arse" (was mostly anal anyway!) - there is no discussion, its straight in her arse.
Cheers,

TheDirtyDon.

Robert
Posts: 241
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 5:17 am

Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by Robert » Thu May 01, 2014 3:29 am

I've no idea how it goes for other people. Does anal often start to replace vaginal sex once it becomes a regular thing? You don't hear that side, only those who didn't like it and stop after 1 or 2 times because they find it painful or whatever. If so it gives me hope that we can make a success of it.

TheDirtyDon
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Posts: 77
Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2014 12:27 am
Gender: Couple

Re: Moving to the next stage

Post by TheDirtyDon » Thu May 01, 2014 8:29 am

For us, it did become more regular and replaced vaginal totally over about 2 - 3 years. Reason was purely my gf found it far more pleasurable as did I. Also, about 18 months ago, my gf wanted to stop taking the pill for health reasons. I also pointed out that taking the pill, for such little vaginal sex was not sensible.
Cheers,

TheDirtyDon.

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