So, I should say that vaginal sex has pretty much always hurt me, and anal sex doesn't really. All my exes either wouldn't do anal with me at all or they would insist on having vaginal sex with me even though it hurt, which caused the break-ups.
I guess I need advice on how to bring it up to a boyfriend or potential boyfriend. Like, what advice do people here have on when/how I should bring it up so that I don't wind up being sexually incompatible. I mean, people talk about how all guys would be super happy with a girlfriend who only wanted to do oral and anal sex but so far I haven't found one, and I don't know if it's just that they're rare or they think I'm nuts when I bring it up or what.
Help?
How to ask a guy to go anal only?
Re: How to ask a guy?
Have you consulted a doctor to understand why vaginal intercourse hurts? You may have a medical condition that could or should be treated. Medical knowledge could also help you explain to men why you don't want vaginal sex.
That said, there is no reason vaginal intercourse is necessary. Even children -- many couples conceive through IUI and other procedures. It is easily possible -- and to many of us here, preferred -- to have a great sexual relationship based on anal sex alone, or anal and oral as you suggest.
I think this is a third or fourth date sort of topic to bring up with a prospective boyfriend. (Or earlier if things are progressing to sex more quickly.)
Welcome to the board!
That said, there is no reason vaginal intercourse is necessary. Even children -- many couples conceive through IUI and other procedures. It is easily possible -- and to many of us here, preferred -- to have a great sexual relationship based on anal sex alone, or anal and oral as you suggest.
I think this is a third or fourth date sort of topic to bring up with a prospective boyfriend. (Or earlier if things are progressing to sex more quickly.)
Welcome to the board!
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amorous945
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Re: How to ask a guy?
Have you ever been checked out by a doctor to see why vaginal intercourse is painful for you, Katie? I was just curious, as there are also others here who are AO because of a similar malady. That aside, there are so many factors (and unknown factors) here that make a simple answer to your question difficult. Not meaning to discourage you, but the psychological factor of being denied vaginal intercourse may be a huge factor with some of these guys, since we always seem to want what we can't have. The sad thing is that some these same guys, once the newness of vaginal sex wears off, would probably accommodate you, but given your problem this scenario is moot.
I realize that my advice here is rather vague, but I think you're going to have to be wise and find a work-around to this physiological factor, since in many cases a dose of upfront honestly about this might prove fatal to a potential boyfriend. I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful. Hopefully, there are others here who can give better advice.
I realize that my advice here is rather vague, but I think you're going to have to be wise and find a work-around to this physiological factor, since in many cases a dose of upfront honestly about this might prove fatal to a potential boyfriend. I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful. Hopefully, there are others here who can give better advice.
Re: How to ask a guy?
I can only echo what the others have said about speaking to a doctor, if you already haven't. If you have a diagnosed condition I don't see any harm in raising the issue early on.
Those who continue to insist on vaginal sex when you have told them it is painful to you are actually abusing you and show no respect for you whatsoever.
There may be something in what amorous945 said about some guys wanting what they cannot have. Perhaps they don't (or can't) believe vaginal can be painful, or you have some other reason and believe they can be the ones to show you - an ego thing.
While I do believe the majority of men like or prefer anal there is still a substantial number who don't. I'll not go over them all as its been covered many times elsewhere. Some can be won over, and will change their minds. Some won't.
I think you have to be clear, direct and unambiguous from very early on so that you don't waste time with men who are sexually incompatible with you.
If you are already doing so I don't know what else to recommend and can only conclude you've been extraordinarily unlucky not to find an entusiastic partner thus far.
Those who continue to insist on vaginal sex when you have told them it is painful to you are actually abusing you and show no respect for you whatsoever.
There may be something in what amorous945 said about some guys wanting what they cannot have. Perhaps they don't (or can't) believe vaginal can be painful, or you have some other reason and believe they can be the ones to show you - an ego thing.
While I do believe the majority of men like or prefer anal there is still a substantial number who don't. I'll not go over them all as its been covered many times elsewhere. Some can be won over, and will change their minds. Some won't.
I think you have to be clear, direct and unambiguous from very early on so that you don't waste time with men who are sexually incompatible with you.
If you are already doing so I don't know what else to recommend and can only conclude you've been extraordinarily unlucky not to find an entusiastic partner thus far.
Re: How to ask a guy?
This would be a dream for me, as I'm sure it would be for every guy on this board.
My suggestion would be just to ask, but be prepared to move on if you don't get the answer you're looking for.
"I prefer anal sex and would prefer if my partner and I had only anal and oral sex, how would you feel about that?"
It won't take long before you find the one you want.
My suggestion would be just to ask, but be prepared to move on if you don't get the answer you're looking for.
"I prefer anal sex and would prefer if my partner and I had only anal and oral sex, how would you feel about that?"
It won't take long before you find the one you want.
Re: How to ask a guy?
Can't believe you find guys who have a problem with this. I know lots say they don't like anal but i think thats just a guy thing around other men. I'm sure the reality is most guys would choose anal over vaginal if they could. I'm sorry i got no advice katie but i'm sure you'll find someone soon.
Re: How to ask a guy?
I have been to doctors, it's called vaginismus - the muscles get VERY tight - but none of the usual ways of treating it did anything for me so I stopped trying and just kind of deal.
Like I've said that to people before but some of them act like it's all in my head - for some women it is psychological - but it's really just the muscles for me are waaaaaay too strong.
Like I've said that to people before but some of them act like it's all in my head - for some women it is psychological - but it's really just the muscles for me are waaaaaay too strong.
Re: How to ask a guy?
Katie, would it squick you out to know that my first thought on hearing about your condition is that your pussy must be super tight and feel really good?
If you met a guy who was anal-minded as yourself and happy to use your anus for daily sex, would you still let him use your vagina every once in a while for a taste of the super tightness?
It's funny, it's almost like your orifice situation is an exact reverse compared to what we hear from women typically.
I for one think it's very hot and whatever guy gets going with you should really thank his ancestors for the good karma.
If you met a guy who was anal-minded as yourself and happy to use your anus for daily sex, would you still let him use your vagina every once in a while for a taste of the super tightness?
It's funny, it's almost like your orifice situation is an exact reverse compared to what we hear from women typically.
I for one think it's very hot and whatever guy gets going with you should really thank his ancestors for the good karma.
Re: How to ask a guy?
katie wrote:I have been to doctors, it's called vaginismus - the muscles get VERY tight - but none of the usual ways of treating it did anything for me so I stopped trying and just kind of deal.
Ah, ok. It's good that you've been to a doctor about it.
If you're communicating to your potential boyfriends that you have a medical condition but are happy to do anal instead, it strikes me as shallow on their part to get held up on the issue. I suppose my perception is colored by the fact that I greatly prefer anal to vaginal sex. Still I tend to think that if a guy is willing to walk away over something like this, he wasn't good long-term boyfriend potential anyway.
Re: How to ask a guy?
Have you tried online dating? It's probably more practical (and less embarrassing) to be forward about this stuff in an online setting. Unusual/nonnegotiable sex preferences make normal dating kind of a minefield.
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