I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Curious about the anal only lifestyle or anal sex in general but have questions or concerns? Ask away here.
analonlylondonebony
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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by analonlylondonebony » Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:00 am

Apparent lack of success in finding an anal partner? You speak as if I do nothing else but search.

I just wanted to stress, that I'm not actively searching for an AO partner. So lack of success isn't quite the right word. Just that I am realistic that most men are not satisfied with AO. And I'm not interested in weaning someone off vagina, as there is no guarantee this will happen. And just as a man has to call it a day with a non-anal woman when his entreaties, threats and bribes haven't worked, I can't be bothered going through the motions. Frenchman, who posted here, is uniquely lucky! To meet someone, hit it off, then find that in common without politely going down the conventional pussy route for fear of sounding perverted.

I have a friend married for 20 plus years and out of the blue, she found religion and banned anal. He is distraught and feels cheated. We spend ours on the phone plotting strategies for him to win her back over. Personally, I think he's screwed for good and can say goodbye to anal forever.

I am not compromising on this. My mistake was getting into it in the first place.
KeepItReal wrote:
analonlylondonebony wrote:
Disappointment is an understatement. But he's in his element and thinks he's found the woman of his dreams. My stomach turned when he went into graphic detail about how much he'd enjoyed performing oral on me. Not once did he mention the anal sex, or looking forward to that. He and I are looking for different things.

At this stage it does appear so. However its entirely down to you whether you're willing to take the steps required to change this situation. Or whether you simply want to cut your losses and move on. Considering your apparent lack of success in finding an AO partner so far, I would hope you first make every attempt to "tell"or "teach" this guy what you want, before deciding to call it a day.


Marquis
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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by Marquis » Tue Feb 03, 2015 6:34 am

Ebony, I think you're way overthinking this. Tell him youre interested in anal only and ask what he thinks of that, You can make your decision from there.

Guys are just not programmed to think a girl could want that.

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KeepItReal
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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by KeepItReal » Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:23 am

marcus wrote:I've deleted a few posts and edited another as I felt the conversation was below the usual friendly standard we keep to on this board. Please try to keep on topic, be polite to one another, and think carefully before you post.

What?!

Yes, I made a cheeky comment... but then what do you expect from a guy who loves butt cheeks! :mrgreen:

In fact MarcusMod, it was you who said that people might pretend to be female, and noted that there may already be a couple of members like that here!

Anyway, whether its a genuine woman or not... giving anal advice makes me horny so I will continue! :)
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KeepItReal
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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by KeepItReal » Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:30 am

analonlylondonebony wrote:I remember that happening. It was a reunion with the first guy that ever tried anal with me. The first time was a disaster. Big cock and no experience, pushing it all the way in at first attempt. Swore me off anal for more than two decades.

Is there a reason why you didnt tell him to be slow and gentle with you as its your first time?
Then when I tried it again, I got lucky as the guy was smaller and patient, and I was thoroughly warmed up (Warmitup's suggests that I am selfish not to let a man have his way with me. It was being a martyr in the bedroom that meant I was never sufficiently turned on to ever enjoy sex, always gritting my teeth and smiling through it).

Again, why didnt you communicate the fact that youre not turned on enough? Why did you endure this self-inflicted martyrdom for so long?
Discovering that I enjoyed it from start to finish, unlike vaginal where I often get dry and sore, even with lube, I wondered what it would be like with the guy I'd dated when younger. I got my chance, year before last. This time I know what I was doing and took charge. It was awesome and like a home-coming. We fell asleep and in the morning wanted more.

Taking charge is probably what you lacked in your early years. Now that youve become more assertive, your problems should be "almost" over!
Incidentally, being dry and sore could be a medical issue - see a doctor about it as this is not normal at all.
What I hadn't realised about myself then was how quickly my muscles tighten up again. I'm like an anal virgin all over again and caution is still advisable, even a couple of hours later. I stiffened and yelped, and he lost his magnificent erection. I was gutted as he insisted on going back to vaginal, which wasn't what I wanted. I noticed it was a pattern with anal just a side dish so cooled things off with him.

Dumping guys at the drop of a hat seems to be a pattern with you. I would advise being more patient and persuasive. If he considers anal a side-dish then convince him its the main-course!
But I know it was the reminder of my first painful experience that put him off. Strange though that my grimacing during pussy doesn't have the same effect ...

A highly unlikely assumption. Men do not have memories that last that long, especially with regards to sexual encounters!
What he does remember is that he had some great anal action with you today, not the bad experience you had 20 years ago!
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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by KeepItReal » Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:39 am

analonlylondonebony wrote:Talking to my friends and family about this is not an option, even with careful picking! And not even just because I'm from a conservative, non-western background (and it is their right to be conservative about things and something I should respect. Talking about any aspect of a person's sex life requires the right rapport. I can't imagine why it would be family's business anyway what I get up to in the bedroom. That's why we have specialist fora like these. I can discuss this amongst people that understand, and with whom my relationship won't be disturbed for providing too much information.

Yes, you can always turn to the internet for anonymity when talking about personal matters like this. And I suppose approaching a family member might not be a good idea if they are very conservative. But you must have a good friend you can talk to?
I come from a close-knit group. We don't only come together at Christmas. I can do without being the subject of gossip or being pointed at and giggled at at public events. Or having the men think I'm the cheap easy whore that takes it up the butt that they can make a pass at when their wives aren't looking.

As long as your friend is someone you can trust to keep things to themselves, then nobody else will know and you wont be the victim of gossip.
It would be the same at work ... to be the lady that admits to enjoying anal is often an unwelcome invitation to those that assume I must be easy. Just because I enjoy and do it doesn't mean I want to do it with everyone. Where I come from, everyone acts and talks like they've never been deflowered. Deeply ingrained hypocrisy which I've stepped away from.

Having said that, as youre definitely looking for a guy who loves anal - a little gossip at work about your anal craving would have countless men asking you out for a date! Trust me, they wont think you are a cheap easy whore! They will treat you like a precious diamond and will compete like crazy for your attention!
When out socially, or at work, and anal sex gets discussed, and always in a negative way, I do tend to put my head above the parapet and defend it. I even did this live on air on a radio show when all the other ladies began to link anal sex to drug addiction and worse. I have books on my book-shelf about anal sex. If any friend or family noticed the books and wanted to talk about it, they would be welcome. But I'm not going to initiate the conversation just for the sake of it. That's what this forum is for.

Cool! Would love to hear what you said on the radio! What station was it on and on what date - we could look it up as most shows are archived on the internet now.
Also, what books on anal sex do you have on your shelf? Some amazon links would be great as I'd love to read them too!
By the way, if people were to see those books, they will naturally start gossiping about you like you dont want, so be careful who you invite home!
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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by KeepItReal » Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:48 am

analonlylondonebony wrote:My life isn't driven by my search for an anal loving partner. That was not the point of this thread. I didn't say, I can't find an anal loving guy. Just that I've made the error of allowing something to start with a conventional guy. And I know he won't be happy being anal only.

If a "conventional" guy is a mistake then you naturally do need to search for an "anal" guy... if you do make that a drive in your life then you will find this guy much quicker.
Before him, I was in the happy situation of being single and able to do what I like without being unfaithful. To suddenly find myself in a relationship where I cannot be faithful unless I choose to be miserable is what I'm concerned about.

I see, so getting anal from casual sex is not a problem - it was just that you were falling in love with this one particular guy, and found out you werent sexually compatible?
You make a very good point about the enthusiasm of young men for anal. Shame it's linked to the "porn generation" as they lack the sense they were born with. I will be at a pitiful stage in my life if I have to rely on the porn generation for realistic sex. The porn generation can't distinguish between desireable reality and porn fantasy. They need porn playing in the background to perform. Expect the lady to be in 6 inch heels and mouthing all that fake dialogue. Every woman does ATM with a grateful, just what I needed to make my life complete smile. Er, no thank you.

You are so right. I do worry about the next generation, especially the young women who will be "expected" to perform like pornstars. I think they, and yourself, will have to become very confident and self-assured when it comes to sex. If you can take charge (like youve said you can) then all should be well. By all means, take a younger man out for spin and show him whose boss!
(Incidentally, there is nothing wrong with watching porn together and wearing sexy high-heels and talking dirty!)
There's a balance between me preferring a relationship where we relate on many levels, and not a relationship driven solely by anal. There are a lot of mature thinking young men out there, but none so far that would be ready for a serious (not booty call) relationship with an older woman, just on the strength of anal sex. There's a bit more to life than anal. :)

This is true in general. Most young guys would want to see an older woman purely for the thrill and adventure, not so much for a long-term relationship. Anal would simply be a bonus.
The purpose of my thread was that I'd built up the rapport with someone, but not stressed enough my anal position. Now I'm in it and realising that if I continue as it, it will be me sacrificing (story of my life), in the bedroom. I will know better next time.

Good. We live and learn.
Where vaginal sex is the frog to be kissed, I'm just not ready to kiss frog after frog as an indirect approach to finding an anal centric life partner. And I'm not really interested in training someone. Not every one that gets trained applies what they've been trained in. I could be wasting my time, time I could have spent waiting for the right person.

Well if you dont want to train anyone, then you will have to find someone who is already qualified! This means you will have to make your life driven by a search for an anal loving partner. We are back to square one it seems!
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analonlylondonebony
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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by analonlylondonebony » Sun Feb 22, 2015 10:43 am

An update. Hurrah, it's over! That's all I'll say. The problem was solved of it's own accord. Men will be men and disappear without a trace. To my relief in this instance. If he could treat me that way, is that really a person I was supposed to be keeping happy at my own expense. There was another encounter, anal abandoned as a lost cause because he couldn't stay hard enough to get it in. Even slipped off the condom and tried to get it in without - perhaps my fury when I discovered what he was trying to do (fortunately) he still couldn't get hard. But he's very lucky he didn't as I'd have made his life a living hell for that breach of trust.

All in all, I didn't bat an eye-lid when the communication dribbled to a stop. Apart from good conversation, we didn't have anything in common.

It's reinforced my determination that there's no room for compromise in a relationship. I'm no one's sacrificial lamb when it comes to sex, especially someone that is here today and gone tomorrow. If you don't like what I like, and I don't like what you like, then we should move on.

To correct a remark from Keepitreal (sorry, I really didn't have the time to correct all the assumptions in your other replies) I wasn't in love with him or falling in love with him. But wishing I hadn't allowed a relationship to start with someone so incompatible. I counsel so many who've gone into relationships assuming that give and take will get them by and realise that they're hating having to miss what they really want. I couldn't believe that I was allowing myself to walk down the same path.

I could have been seriously unhappy, and worse still, would have ended up either making up an excuse never to have sex again, or have a lover on the side. Something I really would rather not do behind someone's back.

Yes, Keepitreal, you finally get it. I do want an anal only man. My introductory post here made that clear. I've learnt what makes me happy. That's why, of all the forums I could have posted on about this, I chose an Anal Only forum, expecting not to be told that I was selfish to be putting someone else's pleasure above my own discomfort. I'm unwaivering in that, and this near miss disaster has strengthened my determination.

And I assume your request for the radio show link was tongue in cheek right? Should I scan my birth certificate and upload that too while we're in the spirit of sharing! LOL!

The book is Anal Sex Position Guide - It's on a book shelf in a private room that not many would have cause to enter, but if they did, I shan't be hiding it from them. I won't even hide it from children that may walk into the room. When you hide things and people find out you are hiding something, they assume a power over you that they don't deserve.

And just because someone had commented there may be men on this forum pretending to be women is hardly justification to insult someone without any iota of proof. It's probably put off other "real" women from doing more than lurk here.

There were a few other comments you made or assumptions - please don't read more into my comments than is there. It was simple ... I had found myself in a situation where I only realised how incompatible I was with someone after we'd gone to bed. And dumping someone just for not being right in bed is really not that easy for me to do. I'm not on a desperate search, I don't need to get family involved in it, it isn't a problem I find myself in desperate need to discuss with a friend and I certainly don't need to sign post this very private area of my life to work colleagues or family in the hope that they'll help me find Mr Right.

I'm happy to discuss it here, under my pseudonym, if only to just get it of my chest. Writing the original post was very helpful for me. It shared a dilemma that I'm sure I'm not the only anal only woman (or man, for that matter, to face). And had he not been so cowardly and typically male to disappear without a trace, I would have had to break it to him that we had no future together.

I am now happily single and not about to make that mistake again! I actually feel like I can breathe again (and remember counting the days as his silence grew longer, fingers crossed, hoping it would get to the point of no return where flimsy excuses just don't wash it.).

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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by marcus » Tue Feb 24, 2015 3:59 am

Hhhmm. I don't see why an anal loving guy can't also be a conventional guy. After all, I see myself as fairly conventional. I can't help feeling it's a mistake to put them in some special category, as distinct and separate human beings.

Just keep casting that net. Surely anal loving guys aren't that hard to find? Just take a look at this poll http://www.topix.com/forum/news/sex/TPEGCIL62HDAIC5C5

Vaginal sex vs. anal sex
31% of men say they prefer anal sex.
20% of men say they prefer vaginal sex.

Okay, possibly not the most rigorously scientific poll but you get the idea.

Regardless, I don't think you should have to compromise, especially on such a key point. And lastly, I understand your annoyance at the direction of a number of the questions and the assumptions behind them. It's a waste of time to have to address points people imagined, rather than what was said.

Good luck in your continuing search.

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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by analonlylondonebony » Sat Mar 28, 2015 2:31 pm

Hi marcus,

To me, a conventional guy is one that is predominantly into vaginal but may or may not be open to the idea of anal. But at the slightest hurdle, will abandon the anal. So, like the guy I was involved with. When he couldn't get hard enough for anal penetration, it was no biggy to him because the vagina was there. The mindset of an anal guy means that probably only genuine fatigue, or a health issue, would make anal impossible, in my opinion.

When i've been strident in setting out my preferences during early communication, then as we near an actual meeting, the guy starts asking, what else do you like? And I refer them back to our original correspondence, then comes the "yeah, but" arguement because they feel they're being deprived of something they feel they have a right to. An anal man feels deprived when he can't have anal, no matter how unrestricted his access is to the vagina. A pussy man feels deprived, no matter how much anal you offer, if he can't have the pussy.

I think that poll is a load of tosh! In reality, men love the idea of anal. But when it comes down to it, have a take it or leave it attitude and are as satisfied that it was an option, even if they, in the end, didn't take up the option.

I'm on this forum because I feel it's a place where most of the men and the women can understand wanting an anal only life-style. Not anal as well lifestyle. Or anal under the right conditions lifestyle.

marcus wrote:Hhhmm. I don't see why an anal loving guy can't also be a conventional guy. After all, I see myself as fairly conventional. I can't help feeling it's a mistake to put them in some special category, as distinct and separate human beings.

Just keep casting that net. Surely anal loving guys aren't that hard to find? Just take a look at this poll http://www.topix.com/forum/news/sex/TPEGCIL62HDAIC5C5

Vaginal sex vs. anal sex
31% of men say they prefer anal sex.
20% of men say they prefer vaginal sex.

Okay, possibly not the most rigorously scientific poll but you get the idea.

Regardless, I don't think you should have to compromise, especially on such a key point. And lastly, I understand your annoyance at the direction of a number of the questions and the assumptions behind them. It's a waste of time to have to address points people imagined, rather than what was said.

Good luck in your continuing search.


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Re: I'm About To Make A Mistake, I Think

Post by A-man » Sat Mar 28, 2015 7:28 pm

analonlylondonebony wrote:Hi marcus,

To me, a conventional guy is one that is predominantly into vaginal but may or may not be open to the idea of anal. But at the slightest hurdle, will abandon the anal. So, like the guy I was involved with. When he couldn't get hard enough for anal penetration, it was no biggy to him because the vagina was there. The mindset of an anal guy means that probably only genuine fatigue, or a health issue, would make anal impossible, in my opinion.

When i've been strident in setting out my preferences during early communication, then as we near an actual meeting, the guy starts asking, what else do you like? And I refer them back to our original correspondence, then comes the "yeah, but" arguement because they feel they're being deprived of something they feel they have a right to. An anal man feels deprived when he can't have anal, no matter how unrestricted his access is to the vagina. A pussy man feels deprived, no matter how much anal you offer, if he can't have the pussy.

I think that poll is a load of tosh! In reality, men love the idea of anal. But when it comes down to it, have a take it or leave it attitude and are as satisfied that it was an option, even if they, in the end, didn't take up the option.

I'm on this forum because I feel it's a place where most of the men and the women can understand wanting an anal only life-style. Not anal as well lifestyle. Or anal under the right conditions lifestyle.

marcus wrote:Hhhmm. I don't see why an anal loving guy can't also be a conventional guy. After all, I see myself as fairly conventional. I can't help feeling it's a mistake to put them in some special category, as distinct and separate human beings.

Just keep casting that net. Surely anal loving guys aren't that hard to find? Just take a look at this poll http://www.topix.com/forum/news/sex/TPEGCIL62HDAIC5C5

Vaginal sex vs. anal sex
31% of men say they prefer anal sex.
20% of men say they prefer vaginal sex.

Okay, possibly not the most rigorously scientific poll but you get the idea.

Regardless, I don't think you should have to compromise, especially on such a key point. And lastly, I understand your annoyance at the direction of a number of the questions and the assumptions behind them. It's a waste of time to have to address points people imagined, rather than what was said.

Good luck in your continuing search.



I think you’re right, Analonlyebony. Most of the guys that do like anal probably need the other stuff too from time to time. For sure.

As a true anal only guy (one that only needs anal ever), I’ll just add a word of caution: sometimes I’ll bring up other forms of sex just to “probe” and see how “anal only” she is. It’s just my way of feeling out how compatible we are without being too “anal only” right off the bat. Some of the guys you’ve been dealing with/messaging might be doing something similar (obviously not the guy you were just with though).

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