analonlylondonebony wrote:I think maybe writing it down here, as there's no one else to share it with that could understand, it may help me do what I know I need to do.
It's worth talking to your close friends or even family members about these things. Naturally you would have to pick the people quite carefully as you'd need them to have open-minded sensibilities... but anal sex is no longer the taboo it used to be and women are always happy to offer their opinion when asked (and even when they are not asked!).
As most anal only women know, it's almost impossible to find a proper relationship with a like-minded man, where you care passionately for each other, and can go straight to anal without the mandatory vaginal ice-breaker. The moment we try and voice our preferences before things go too far, the guy's labeled you in his mind as NSA booty call material. Not a future wife or life partner.
You are obviously mingling with the wrong crowd if you're having this trouble. Try sparking up relationships with younger men, as they are part of the brave new "porn generation" so will invariably be mesmerised by an Anal-Only woman. Indeed, you may find your situation doing an immediate 180 as AO woman are so rare and cherished - you'll have a queue of young guys declaring their love for you (and your ass!) and begging you to be his wife! Never-ending anal would be a dream come true for them!
There's never a good time to bring it up and it seems, and I know a lot of the guys here have experienced it too, there's no good time to bring up the anal sex question, without being labelled a pervert.
Perhaps you are being a little impatient and expecting too much too soon. Approach this as a romantic game of seduction, where you slowly but surely reel him in to your physical demands. Go through the motions of vaginal sex but then gradually entice him with the appeal of your delicious ass. Tell him you want to experiment a little... mention the benefits of semen being absorbed in your rectum... describe to him how much tighter it would feel... giggle as you wink to him and say it would make you feel naughty... grab his hands and rub them over your pert and succulent buttocks etc etc. All women know how to turn a man on, so use it to your calculated anal advantage!
I recently struck up good rapport by email and phone calls with a great guy. The conversation is deep and stimulating, whether talking politics, cooking recipes, or what goes on in public saunas. I warmed to his open-mindedness and the fact that he thinks for himself, and not with the herd. I said nothing about my anal sex desires. But one day he brought it up casually, in a matter-of-fact way.
A man who brings up anal sex in a matter-of-fact way, is most definitely not going to reject a woman who has preference for it. When you have your next conversation with him, do the same; bring up anal sex casually and say that you'd like to try something a bit different with your next intimate encounter, by focussing PURELY on your perfectly sculpted backside!
My mistake then was that while I immediately showed my hand as a woman that does anal sex, I failed to stress that I'm anal only. Although I was pretty sure I'd made it clear it was my preference.
As you say yourself, you failed to stress that you are AO, which is precisely the problem. Fear not though, you have ample opportunity to make your point crystal clear using the art of seduction as I mentioned above. Or you can be more direct and just tell him you can only orgasm through anal, however I would recommend using the slow and steady approach as that will guarantee success!
And this is the problem with the non-anal only world. Stating it as a preference, all he hears is the flexibility.
And what is so bad about being flexible? Great sex comes from give and take. It may not be to your liking, but he could have an overwhelming primal urge to eat your pussy like crazy... therefore indulge him, like any good lover would... however under the gentle proviso that afterwards he will satisfy your own overwhelming primal urge... to get butt-fucked like crazy! An additional motivator would be to watch porn together... making sure that the movie you pick has plenty of anal action in the style you enjoy! His reaction to the ass fucking scenes will give you a clear indication of his level of interest.
So we met, and to my horror, and disgust, he was fingering my vagina. I feel repulsed and cold remembering that. Even though I expressed discomfort verbally (which meant he'd pull back the intensity, then build up the speed again, and even though my body language must have told him that I was totally not into it, he was typically oblivious to my lack of enthusiasm. The only reason we ended up naked in the same room was because I'd over-estimated his love of anal sex.
I see. In this case, if your physical needs have become so intolerant of other forms of stimulation, then you must communicate them to him in a calm and persuasive manner. Men are not mind-readers and extremely bad body-readers, and all of us are desperate for women to clearly verbalise what they do and don't want. Again as above, either "tell" him you can only orgasm through anal, or "teach" him you love anal through artful seduction.
For when the time came, at my instigation, after the obligatory vaginal sex (cringe and puke at the memory, but I've had decades of faking tolerance of it which most men seem satisfied with) and we went for anal, it took a while, He just wasn't hard enough. I knew then his mind wasn't really in it. He is far from an anal sex addict. #epicfail
Very unusual. If a man is hard enough for pussy then he is hard enough for ass. Do you mean that he lost his erection when you offered him your sweet derrière? If so, then give him a world-class blowjob to get the blood rushing through his veins again... then quickly slip that badboy in the rear! Once he is inside your exquisitely tight ass, he will most certainly get his mind on the job!
Henceforth, turning him in to an anal sex addict, depends entirely on you and your anal skills and erotic experience. You do not seem lacking in these departments so his addiction is pretty much a foregone conclusion!
Disappointment is an understatement. But he's in his element and thinks he's found the woman of his dreams. My stomach turned when he went into graphic detail about how much he'd enjoyed performing oral on me. Not once did he mention the anal sex, or looking forward to that. He and I are looking for different things.
At this stage it does appear so. However its entirely down to you whether you're willing to take the steps required to change this situation. Or whether you simply want to cut your losses and move on. Considering your apparent lack of success in finding an AO partner so far, I would hope you first make every attempt to "tell"or "teach" this guy what you want, before deciding to call it a day.
Any wonder that I've avoided a repeat meeting with him since. Come up with good excuses. I still enjoy our chats on the phone. But I'm either going to have to keep on making excuses about being too busy or having an early start the next day; allow him over and have the kind of sex I thought I'd said good-bye to; or risk hurting his feelings by telling him that much as I adore him as a person, the sex is worse than mediocre for me.
Like I said, either "tell" or "teach" or just politely let him know that you've grown to love him more as a good friend than as a sexual partner. Do not worry about hurting his feelings as men are happy to have the adoring friendship of a sexy woman, even if there is no sex to be had (especially if he has already had the sex!). Such is the power of beauty and happy memories (and bragging rights!).
My ideal man meets my needs. Not me forsaking mine to meet his. I don't want to be one of those people in a relationship where I'm glad to avoid sex, or pretend to be asleep when he joins me to avoid sex happening.
Yet again, I would say you are being a little stubborn and selfish in this regard. It is very rare for anybody to find the perfect person for them, especially from the get-go. Most deep and lasting relationships evolve over time, with both partners teaching and learning from each other as they grow blissfully together in to one ideal couple.
It breaks my heart to have to have "that chat" with him. But it will break my spirit to lie back and try to think of England while my pussy is being mauled by a man that can't read the signals of lack of interest.
As I keep saying, you need to offer more than just "signals"... and don't forget, you could try to find pleasure in the fact that he is gaining pleasure from you... then convince him to return the favour.
Ladies, what would you do? Decide your better off with a man who treats you like a princess, but leaves you feeling unfulfilled; or resign yourself to a life of brain-dead booty calls.
Neither, as explained in detail above.
I simply have nothing to look forward to with him and he'd have to give me permission to take on a lover ... or ... there is no or because if your heart isn't in something, it isn't in something.
Are you sure you haven't made your mind up already...?
Incidentally, how attractive would you say you are on a scale of 1 to 10? Is there anything you could do to improve your overall sex appeal? In your opinion is your ass your best asset? Are you looking for hard and rough anal sex or gentle back-door loving?
