Dating and sex

Curious about the anal only lifestyle or anal sex in general but have questions or concerns? Ask away here.
kat
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Dating and sex

Post by kat » Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:05 pm

So I said in my intro post that I basically can't have vaginal sex due to a medical issue, so I need some advice as far as dating and sex.

How should I bring up the idea that vaginal sex is not going to happen? When should I bring it up?

analtom
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Re: Dating and sex

Post by analtom » Sun Sep 27, 2015 5:16 pm

Hi Kat,
From your other thread, I want to say sorry for all you have been through. I would bring it up when sex becomes a conversational topic. Usually for me the conversation goes from her talking about past relationships and then eventually things turn to sex. Like you, I have news most don't want to hear. Those are: I eventually want anal, and, while my penis is not porn sized, it is bigger than most. This combo usually does not go well, but I do explain that I am all about being gentle and giving the woman some time to adapt. When it comes to anal, you won't be going 0 to 60 in no time. This is one thing I despise about porn. It has many people thinking you can jack hammer almost instantly. Anyway, you are in a tougher situation than mine. I am willing and have the option to go vaginal to reach my final goal. In your case you do not have a choice. This is why you have to say something early, but not before sex becomes a natural topic or he will consider you weird. If you don't let him know early enough, it is highly likely he will accuse you of tricking him and being deceptive. Also let the man you are with know that while you take the relationship day by day, you have no intention of ultimately winding up as an FB. The bad news is that you may lose some company you like faster than you would want. The good news is that you will weed out people who have no intention of being a permanent part of your life. Good luck; I'm certain I'm not the only person here who is rooting for you.

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analgeil
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Re: Dating and sex

Post by analgeil » Tue Sep 29, 2015 1:32 pm

Hey Kat

I would actually advise you to wear a butt plug. Every man, even if not thinking about anal sex yet, loves to discover a girls ass with his hands sooner or later. So it's base should be big enough to catch his touch, but maybe still small enough to be invisible why wearing pants ;) - I'm sure that the touch of it will not only make him curious but also gives you the opportunity to tell him that your pussy unfortunately is not as playful as your asshole. The plug would also assure him that you're not playing games with him and you're comfortable with the thought of his cock inside your asshole.

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analsexonly
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Re: Dating and sex

Post by analsexonly » Wed Sep 30, 2015 7:56 pm

There is a relatively new anal only porn actress, Kylie Sinner, who has a similar condition: extreme vaginal tightness and muscle spasms, resulting in pain and an inability to have vaginal sex. She has said that early on, she would let guys try very briefly to get it in her pussy, knowing they wouldn't be able to, and would then react to the pain and tightness and tell them that she can't have vaginal sex without extreme pain, but they can have anal sex instead if they want, and usually the guys would go along with it. Later, as she accepted she would not be having vaginal sex, period, and discovered how much she loved anal, she just started telling them up front as soon as they were going to have sex for the first time that her pussy was off limits for sex and that she only has anal. She said that sometimes guys freak out about it a little bit, usually because they're inexperienced with anal themselves, but she would show them what to do and generally everyone would have a good time.

It certainly isn't something that should be awkward or embarrassing, and I think if you own it confidently and are up front about it, telling them that you're unable to have vaginal intercourse but would love to have anal instead, many guys will gladly go along. And if not, if a guy flat out refuses, well, he's not compatible with you. Better to learn that early on.

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prettypink
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Re: Dating and sex

Post by prettypink » Fri Oct 02, 2015 7:50 am

kat wrote:So I said in my intro post that I basically can't have vaginal sex due to a medical issue, so I need some advice as far as dating and sex.

How should I bring up the idea that vaginal sex is not going to happen? When should I bring it up?

The first time you have sex. I can't think when else would be appropriate.

analtom
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Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 6:12 am

Re: Dating and sex

Post by analtom » Sun Oct 18, 2015 5:31 pm

Sorry it has been a while. Busy times and posting here is a low priority. Hope this does not offended anyone, particularly the administrator of this fine site. Anyway, Pink your advice is great advice if sex never comes up as a topic. That rarely happens for me but it has happened. I usually am not that fast to sex but understand there are those people with great romantic talent and it is a normal and common event for them. If the topic does come up, however, take it from a guy – most will be taken aback and feel like they were not being dealt with in a straight forward manner. So Kat, if you are going straight to sex, then talk about it then, of course. But if sex is ever brought up in conversation then it is probably best to mention your condition. I would hate to see you lose a man who would mean so much to you and you so much to him.
Last edited by analtom on Sun Oct 25, 2015 4:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

analonlylondonebony
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Re: Dating and sex

Post by analonlylondonebony » Wed Oct 21, 2015 2:59 am

Hi Kat,

I have not read your first post yet but shall. I apologise if anything I say below offends! That was not the intention.

You have my sympathy. And a tinge of envy. Why the envy (like I said, I have not read your first post yet). Even here on this forum, members have challenged my right not to want vaginal sex at all. Because I have a pussy, I'm supposed to put up with vaginal demands, so as not to be "selfish". I realise it would be different if I did not have a pussy (like a T-Girl), or could not use my pussy (even if I wanted to). It is tiresome having to explain my own normal to the ignorant.

The sympathy part is that, to be honest, there is no easy way to bring up the anal sex preference without a man instantly dismissing you as just a piece of ass, that he's going to tap, but with on intention of actually investing emotionally in you.

At least you are lucky in not ever having to go through the pussy route until you can cough discretely and ask if he's considered the other hole. Then hope he isn't going to recoil in horror at the suggestion. Or treat it as an optional (twice a year) extra.

My suggestion would be to raise the issue of not being able to have vaginal sex and leave it for him to come up with alternatives. The average ma will think that you giving him a blow job or hand job is a solution. A decent man will realise that you have no erogenous zones in either your mouth or your throat so expecting a blow job while offering nothing in return is neither fair, nor sustainable, if the lady has an iota of sense, or at least a little self esteem.

Jjust let it come from the man's lips, to suggest anal sex, when you tell him that vaginal sex is not a possibility. If the man has suggested something as "out there" to the normal world as anal sex, he will do some from a place of reverence, almost apologestic, probably half not expecting you to agree to it.

At this point, it is up to you to milk his "selfish" demands for all you can. Act as if you are open to the suggestion. Only later admit that you thought he'd never ask. :) Don't let his narrow minded imagination run away with the visual of you giving your butt up to every man you meet because no decent woman admits to preferring anal sex. Only a truly anal-only man can still see you as a person to be respected after learning that you actually prefer anal sex (whether out of preference or out of necessity). Most men feel, and like I said, even on this so called "anal only lifestyle" board, that they shouldn't be barred from any hole. The pussy must be part of the deal. Only a really sympathetic man will take you seriously. And he may need to be coached on this.

There are cultures where ladies restrict sex to anal only, with the co-operation of their men folk, especially in communities where the ladies are expected to be virgins, and the penalty for not being a virgin (with the bloody evidence) can be a life-time of communal shunning as the bride that did not bleed. In those communities, the men don't assume the woman is any more a slut for having sex with her arse than he might assume if it were her vagina. It is not a big deal. There is a respectful understanding that the arse is a compromise for which the man is grateful. It's an open secret amongst the singles. But then, in these societies, you date with marriage as the long term goal.

As you are probably realising, in the West, probably no thanks to porn, the lady that has the nerve to say the A word first, is not the kind you take home to meet the family. She is typically only going to be good for NSA, or a pretence at commitment, until someone more chaste turns up. Her vaginal only counterpart that has a different anonymous one night stand every Saturday night, is more acceptable to consider.

But there are some men that can never consider a relationship without vaginal sex, but they won't be honest enough and will probably fuck your arse, to put it crudely, just to dump a load. Unless you are happy with such an arrangement and a string of one-hit wonders littering your emotional time-line, take your time and find out how consistent he is in his assertions that vaginal sex is not a must have on his coital menu.

Best of luck. Further down I thought I caught a glimpse of someone recommending that you walk around with a butt plug up you. But I must have read that wrong. Give me a second ...

p.s. I have been accused of being a man pretending to be a woman on here! That's the fair price of voicing an opinion in front of a misogynist. Being an anal only female can rub the most unlikely people up the wrong way.

kat wrote:So I said in my intro post that I basically can't have vaginal sex due to a medical issue, so I need some advice as far as dating and sex.

How should I bring up the idea that vaginal sex is not going to happen? When should I bring it up?


analonlylondonebony
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Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2014 1:48 pm
Location: London, UK

Re: Dating and sex

Post by analonlylondonebony » Wed Oct 21, 2015 3:13 am

My goodness, follow this person's advice and you will be treated like a butt hole with a mouth, not like a woman seeking a companion. I'm struggling to keep my breakfast from re-surfacing as I type. Someone needs to show their proof of age ...

And there is no such thing as "every man" or "every woman" does, thinks, says, or wants this that or the other. He may. And people need to respect this fact. Please don't think you have to waddle about with an inanimate object wedged up your butt, just to please man-kind. Not all men think this way.

On the other hand, if you like the idea of wearing a butt plug, please, do so and do so with gusto. But not to impress someone on a diet of 24/7 porn and no sense of reality.

I think you want to be taken seriously. Not play games or fulfill the stereo-type of an anal slut with the perfect come hither gape. What is important here is getting the proper, considerate attention of a man sensitive to your needs. The butt plug strategy (by the time a guy sees that you have a butt plug, he's probably already been hell-bent on pussy sex and the butt plug either confirms, sex crazed slut, or disappoints that he isn't going to have the vagina.

I don't know what level of experience you have with anal sex, but there are an awful lot of men that just can never feel the same way about anal sex, as they do about pussy sex. These are the ones that typically, ask if they can finish off with a hand-job, rather than ejaculate while in the butt. This is why it's important to know how the guy feels about anal sex. Will he feel that the sex is incomplete, lacking something? If so, he is always going to feel that way.

#eyeroll
analgeil wrote:Hey Kat

I would actually advise you to wear a butt plug. Every man, even if not thinking about anal sex yet, loves to discover a girls ass with his hands sooner or later. So it's base should be big enough to catch his touch, but maybe still small enough to be invisible why wearing pants ;) - I'm sure that the touch of it will not only make him curious but also gives you the opportunity to tell him that your pussy unfortunately is not as playful as your asshole. The plug would also assure him that you're not playing games with him and you're comfortable with the thought of his cock inside your asshole.


analonlylondonebony
Posts: 67
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Location: London, UK

Re: Dating and sex

Post by analonlylondonebony » Wed Oct 21, 2015 3:45 am

It shouldn't get as far as the two of them naked in bed, or about to be naked, for the topic to come up. Not every man is comfortable with anal sex. Some think it's disgusting. Some think it's gay. Some have tried it before and it was a disaster, maybe cause the lady pain, or they weren't hard enough to penetrate which made them look amateur. So they won't want to repeat the experience.

And there are some men for whom pussy access is a deal breaker.

It would be a like a lady who's terrified of anal, going to bed with a new partner for the first time, then he drops the bomb-shell that he likes anal sex and wants anal sex only.

Gotta be fair!
prettypink wrote:
kat wrote:So I said in my intro post that I basically can't have vaginal sex due to a medical issue, so I need some advice as far as dating and sex.

How should I bring up the idea that vaginal sex is not going to happen? When should I bring it up?

The first time you have sex. I can't think when else would be appropriate.


tom
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Gender: Male

Re: Dating and sex

Post by tom » Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:41 am

Thanks for the perspective Ebony. It is the Tom with analtom, but I changed my screen name. I have not surfed for porn in a very long time and came to the realization that anal and a name is used by women in porn who take anal. Yes, hahahahaha. The joke is on me. So I've changed my handle to a much simpler one. I know...I should be more porn culture aware. Anyway, in Kat's introduction, I said I could not understand why a man who likes anal would put her in the FB zone. Thanks to your analysis Ebony, I understand why now. But I can also tell you that people like me exist. We love anal with all our hearts and souls and so long as we get anal from a woman, we don't care if we ever enter a pussy again. From my perspective, when I did surf porn a few years ago, the only pictures I took time to look at were the anal ones, skipping the vaginal. Vaginal does little for me. I have it because it is the only sex most women want to have and I go along for the ride because it is the only sexual option I have with a particular woman. What times I finally get anal, it is heaven on earth. Please try to be patient in your quest to find the right man. If you persist, you are likely to find someone like me and you both will be life's greatest gifts to each other. As I said in a previous post, sorry for not responding quickly, but things have been that busy. Priorities, you know. Good luck in your quest and hope you find a man who satisfies your deepest fantasies.

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