Jealous about her ex

[Mark1987]

Hi, i'm married for a few years, we have two children. Recently i discovered some details about my wife's relationship with her ex. It turned out that he was anal only with her and they did many fun things, i did find some photos also(my wife does not know that i saw them). I know that it was before me so i should not be jealous. But i cannot stop thinking about the time they had together as she was younger. With us it was not as crazy even at the begining. And now most of the evenings she is just tired. I dont know what to do. I understand that it will never be the same. But i have the feeling that it does not depend only on the situation with kids and age, i think that that guy could just light the the fire in her and i cant. Did someone of you was jealous about your partners previous expiriences? I cannot stop thinking about it.

[Backdoorlover]

To be honest I think the best approach is telling her you found out and want that too. I see no wrong in telling her.

[brad24uk]

Try not to see the negatives, Your wife had a fun past, she experimented and has a real desire and love for anal sex. She sounds like a great woman and she has chosen you to be her husband, life does get in the way at times, Even if its not often are you still having anal sex with her? and does she ask for it?

[Mark1987]

Try not to see the negatives, Your wife had a fun past, she experimented and has a real desire and love for anal sex. She sounds like a great woman and she has chosen you to be her husband, life does get in the way at times, Even if its not often are you still having anal sex with her? and does she ask for it?

We have sometimes anal sex. But i have the feeling that if she was still with her ex she would have more fun... i never asked about her ex boyfriends. She met him accidently after many years that is why the problem came up. I know that he wrote to her after that meeting on facebook.

[MoMa]

This is simply one interpretation of what you THINK it would happen if they were still together.

You create the problem in your mind and you lower yourself, comparing yourself to the other guy. Trust me, the intimacy issues between you and your wife are not associated whatsover.

Probably, if they continued being together, similar issues would have arisen, due to you not accepting her past due to your insecurities.
It not a coincedence that you never asked about her ex boyfriends, since subconciously consider them a threat and now an ex comes and threatens you status quo, which has nothing to do with the reality of the situation.

I'm saying that, considering that I'm in a polyamourous relationship and in those cases you cannot hide the jealousy under the carpet. She fucks other people. sometimes with bigger dicks, so I deal/dealt with those issues. I had a jealousy episode once because she "gave" her ass to a lover.
Which when I talked to her, she actually didn't give it, she just wanted it herself. I made her enjoy anal, so she seeked also anal from the other lovers and of course, nothing changed on how we fucked together.

It was all in my head

Dealing with them, doesn't mean they are easy. It means you face them and communicate in deeper levels, of what is actually your root fear.
It's not the all anal, it's not "she gave her ass to him and not to me".

Maybe the fear of not being relevant anymore, how you see yourself as a lover, etc.

As others, suggested, talk directly. If you can't, then I suggest to read "No More Mr.Nice Guy."

You seem like one of them. I was one

[Backdoorlover]

We have sometimes anal sex. But i have the feeling that if she was still with her ex she would have more fun

This here is not correct. Your feeling is not the truth. It’s driven by negative feelings like insecurity. I wonder why you don’t talk to her about it ? Do you feel like you can’t talk to her about your anal desires or did you already do it and did it not go well ?

Many questions here.

[Mark1987]

This is simply one interpretation of what you THINK it would happen if they were still together.

You create the problem in your mind and you lower yourself, comparing yourself to the other guy. Trust me, the intimacy issues between you and your wife are not associated whatsover.

Probably, if they continued being together, similar issues would have arisen, due to you not accepting her past due to your insecurities.
It not a coincedence that you never asked about her ex boyfriends, since subconciously consider them a threat and now an ex comes and threatens you status quo, which has nothing to do with the reality of the situation.

I'm saying that, considering that I'm in a polyamourous relationship and in those cases you cannot hide the jealousy under the carpet. She fucks other people. sometimes with bigger dicks, so I deal/dealt with those issues. I had a jealousy episode once because she "gave" her ass to a lover.
Which when I talked to her, she actually didn't give it, she just wanted it herself. I made her enjoy anal, so she seeked also anal from the other lovers and of course, nothing changed on how we fucked together.

It was all in my head

Dealing with them, doesn't mean they are easy. It means you face them and communicate in deeper levels, of what is actually your root fear.
It's not the all anal, it's not "she gave her ass to him and not to me".

Maybe the fear of not being relevant anymore, how you see yourself as a lover, etc.

As others, suggested, talk directly. If you can't, then I suggest to read "No More Mr.Nice Guy."

You seem like one of them. I was one

I will think about that. Thank you.

[notnice66]

It is clear to me that the reason this bothers you is that you secretly want your wife to cuck you and take her ex's dick in her butt again. You want to see her truly aroused, passionate and enjoying sex again. I suggest you ask her to invite him around and offer to clean her arse afterwards. I am sure you will feel much better about things once you see her properly satisfied again.