The new guy

[prettypink]

Regardless of how this relationship turns out, it seems that you have the best of all worlds, sexually. You admit that you enjoy anal more, but if I'm understanding you correctly you're somewhat conflicted about whether or not you want this to be anal "only." I have to ask, why does it have to be exclusively one or the other? There is no law that says you can't enjoy vaginal intercourse whenever you want it, right? Given that both of you obviously enjoy anal sex the most, an occasional diversion isn't going to compromise anything or break some kind of code. I'm certain that you'll always have all the anal sex you want, regardless.

As a side thought, the conflict "may" be coming from a deep subconscious feeling that you're somehow betraying your womanhood by neglecting your vagina. I once had a relationship with a woman who expressed these sentiments to me, even though I knew she enjoyed anal sex. I've mentioned her in a few other posts. I don't know, just something to think about and examine in yourself.

I'm of this thinking as well, although it seems that for a lot of people on this forum, full satisfaction only occurs when it is agreed upon that the vagina must go unused completely.

Makes me wonder what Freud would say about this!

To answer you both:

No it doesn't have to be exclusively one or the other. Yes, as it's my body I could at any time choose to have vaginal. The situation is complicated, because A he's indicated that AO is the way he wants to go on, and B I am drawn somehow to the 'lifestyle'. To be clear, he (as far as I know) has no prior knowledge or awareness of AO as a concept. It's clear he loves to have anal and says the sex we've been having is the best he's ever had. Would he be happy to have vaginal once in a while? You're probably right in that it isn't a deal breaker, but to this point he has shown no interest in vaginal sex and I wouldn't want to push it either if I'm happy with anal only while not sure of his reaction. If you're getting at we don't have to make any kind of deal, I agree, and we just take it as it comes.

And the 'conflict'? I'm sure it's not about feeling betrayal. I'm not sure, but normally I'm in touch with my own feelings on issues just like this.

And again I don't think any of it is about self denial or anything like that.

And, yes, Freud would have plenty to say - I was probably abandoned by my mother and sexually attracted to my father

[louise]

I'm really pleased for you both. Sounds like you're really in tune with each other - if you're both enjoying the sex, then keep doing it, you needn't label it right away.

[prettypink]

I'm really pleased for you both. Sounds like you're really in tune with each other - if you're both enjoying the sex, then keep doing it, you needn't label it right away.

Are we in tune? I don't know, He does have a one track mind and I'm going along with it, although it is kind of exciting to do so. If it doesn't work out though...am I being unfair by giving him false expectations for the future?

About the label - It is what it is, so I don't see the need to do so.

[Marquis]

I think there can be something satisfying in labeling and codification in a sexual relationship. I've always enjoyed it and the discussions and negotiations.

[louise]

Are we in tune? I don't know, He does have a one track mind and I'm going along with it, although it is kind of exciting to do so. If it doesn't work out though...am I being unfair by giving him false expectations for the future?

I don't think so - like you say, it is what it is, and for the moment (and foreseeable future?) that's the way you're enjoying yourselves.
Do you think you're likely to say 'enough' and return to vaginal?

[prettypink]

Are we in tune? I don't know, He does have a one track mind and I'm going along with it, although it is kind of exciting to do so. If it doesn't work out though...am I being unfair by giving him false expectations for the future?

I don't think so - like you say, it is what it is, and for the moment (and foreseeable future?) that's the way you're enjoying yourselves.
Do you think you're likely to say 'enough' and return to vaginal?

While he continues to be interested in anal only? I guess not. I hadn't planned on this, and it's not as if I dislike vaginal...but...there is a definite energy here.
It is a strange coincidence that I had been AO in the past, again as 'his' preference. At the time it had never crossed my mind that it may be something that was common, or had a label or anything like that. Basically, I'm not sure if this is something I allow others to do or is it me who's doing the lead?

Isn't life complicated?

[Marquis]

While he continues to be interested in anal only? I guess not. I hadn't planned on this, and it's not as if I dislike vaginal...but...there is a definite energy here.
It is a strange coincidence that I had been AO in the past, again as 'his' preference. At the time it had never crossed my mind that it may be something that was common, or had a label or anything like that. Basically, I'm not sure if this is something I allow others to do or is it me who's doing the lead?

Isn't life complicated?

This is a fascinating question, actually.

Do you think you would have been disappointed if your partner was not interested in anal?

[prettypink]

Do you think you would have been disappointed if your partner was not interested in anal?

Yes, and for two reasons. I enjoy it in itself, and if they can't even try that what else will they not be willing to do?

[amorous945]

I think you've created a "monster".....lol.

[prettypink]

I think you've created a "monster".....lol.

Because he's discovered a new side to his sexuality he wasn't able to express before? But it does pose and interesting question about about if he was simply 'containing' the desire or if it has been unintentionally nurtured.