How it all started...

[tzedien]

An update, and a question on this post. We've been doing vaginal on Sunday mornings for her as part of a kind of deal we struck and it's been working pretty well. Anal during the week and vaginal on sunday morning. For me I'd like us to be AO so I've been trying to cut little deals with her on Sunday mornings. Like, I'll take you to your favorite restaurant if we can do anal this morning, that sort of thing. It's been working a bit. Thing is, some of this is stuff I would have done anyway. Which is making me think she's more into this lifestyle than she would ever admit. Little hard to talk with her about it though, we're church people (I'm really just along for the ride) and there's a lot of that church stuff floating around in her head. Like she'd feel guilt and wicked if she ever really had to admit to it. Any thoughts on this?

[Xin]

I'm not sure of the entire context of your relationship, so forgive me if my conclusions are inaccurate. I am concerned that you may be pressuring your wife to do things she is not comfortable with, taking advantage of her own "insecurities" (as you have said) for your own sexual pleasure. To me, this is a form of manipulation, even abuse.

I recommend that you have an honest and open conversation with your wife about how important AO is to you, why it's important to you, and whether she's willing to commit to it with you because she loves you and she wants to do it, joyfully. If she secretly hates it, she might quietly resent you for what you're making her do for the sake of her marriage, and it won't end well.

Talk to her. Honestly and openly.

[tzedien]

That last response sort of turned me off the site for awhile, but I'm back to explain. There are a thousand different ways that we deal with things in life and part of what I'm trying to explain here is that my wife actually loves anal. But her past upbringing makes her very reluctant to talk about it. Instead it comes out in different ways. Like in the past I would ask her if she wants vag or anal and she would say, "I'm tired, whatever is quickest." She actually knows where that's going. I would never abuse my wife in any way, and in the context of this site it fells a little strange that someone would bring this up. I've read some of the posts here and I think my post is the only one I've seen where someone mentioned abuse. One post I read actually talked about prostate milking (not even sure how that would work) but no mention of abuse there.

[zarafan]

That last response sort of turned me off the site for awhile, but I'm back to explain. There are a thousand different ways that we deal with things in life and part of what I'm trying to explain here is that my wife actually loves anal. But her past upbringing makes her very reluctant to talk about it. Instead it comes out in different ways. Like in the past I would ask her if she wants vag or anal and she would say, "I'm tired, whatever is quickest." She actually knows where that's going. I would never abuse my wife in any way, and in the context of this site it fells a little strange that someone would bring this up. I've read some of the posts here and I think my post is the only one I've seen where someone mentioned abuse. One post I read actually talked about prostate milking (not even sure how that would work) but no mention of abuse there.

Sorry, Tzedien: either you are not a native English speaker or you are deliberately misconstruing the fact that there are more than one kind of abuse; psychological and emotional manipulation are also forms of abuse, as is feeding off your wife's insecurities.

I like anal sex; we all like anal sex--that's why we're members of this group. But insisting on having sex with your wife "every night" in a way that doesn't produce orgasms for her seems very selfish to me; if you're getting off six times a week and she's only cumming on Sunday mornings, that's a disconcerting imbalance.

I've told this story before in other posts: my last girlfriend was crazy about anal and loved to do it all the time with me, and when we couldn't be together--since we weren't able to live in the same city because of work commitments--she loved to discuss anal sex with me all the time. That was in the first year of our relationship. Then she decided that she didn't really like anal sex that much, and would only do it to humor me. Then she decided she didn't want to be in a relationship with me at all and we broke up. That was nearly two years ago.

Moral of the story: you shouldn't ever be content to be in a relationship where your partner is merely humoring you, especially not sexually. The best kind of sex isn't anal sex, vaginal sex, oral sex, etc. It's sex in which both partners--or all partners--are equally satisfied with the experience.

In other news: I'm sorry I haven't been posting on the list much over the past several months; I haven't had any news to report, anal or otherwise, and some of the threads--though entertaining and arousing--have struck me as implausible to the point of fantasy masquerading as confession. I hope everyone here who is a real person is doing well and enjoying plentiful anal sex!!!

[tzedien]

No. I speak english and understand the concept of psychological abuse. And by the way, I agree about fantasy posts on this site. You'll be happy to know that I'm a real person with a real story. I'm sure all of your relationships are open, honest, full of meaningful discussion.... hell you probably never even fight with your partner. But what I've been trying to explore is the other half. Maybe a Catholic girl who has trouble dealing with her own inner truths. Who can't really communicate openly about things that cause inner guilt. Don't rush to judgement my friend. I appreciate your concern, but if there is anyone in this relationship suffering psychological abuse, it's me.

[LuvMyWifesAss]

An update, and a question on this post. We've been doing vaginal on Sunday mornings for her as part of a kind of deal we struck and it's been working pretty well. Anal during the week and vaginal on sunday morning. For me I'd like us to be AO so I've been trying to cut little deals with her on Sunday mornings. Like, I'll take you to your favorite restaurant if we can do anal this morning, that sort of thing. It's been working a bit. Thing is, some of this is stuff I would have done anyway. Which is making me think she's more into this lifestyle than she would ever admit. Little hard to talk with her about it though, we're church people (I'm really just along for the ride) and there's a lot of that church stuff floating around in her head. Like she'd feel guilt and wicked if she ever really had to admit to it. Any thoughts on this?

Tzedien,

I hope you're still checking in every once in a while. I'm sorry I didn't respond to this thread earlier.

I don't think there's anything manipulative about making a deal for anal sex, as it's her choice to make. For that matter, as you're married, it's all hers to do with as she pleases anyway. Of course, she knows this. She also knows these are things you would probably do for her anyway.

My wife dealt with some of the same issues when we first started having anal sex. Having come from a very conservative Christian upbringing, she was concerned anal sex may, in some way, be sinful. I don't really want to start a theological debate here, but I pointed out to her that every time sodomy is mentioned in the Bible, it seems to be in reference to a man laying with a man. Although it helped, it still took her some time to get over feelings of guilt. Of course, the fact that she loved anal sex so much (as your wife seems to) helped.

Anyway, I was hoping for an update and see how things are going.

[Haunter]

I will tell you just this, but it's an extremely important experience of mine:

I used to be a very focused catholic. Now no more (even if many teachings are still precious, in my mind). Back then, all those fault feelings about sexuality, masturbation and so and so on made me feel upset and fighting within myself. As soon as I slowly got rid of all those unnatural rules I felt much better with myself, and realized they were absurd. You can be an excellent good and positive person without denying your sexual preferences. Trying to doom them is just inhuman in my opinion. Make a huge present to yourself: be free!