How I think I become to be anal minded

[MindUnlocker]

This months I've been thinking about my way to understand sex, trying to understand why my anal obsession, and what unleashed it.

Its a theory I'd like to share.

I remember the very first times with my wife, no anal, deeply in love each other, addicted to her. I remember her getting crazy with just a finger in her vag, and all that, all the learning was fun and natural, it was happiness no doubt about.

We reject condoms, we wanted to feel each other, and I never wanted she take pills or other chemicals in her body, so I worked well to get out of her before cumming myself.
She always needed I cum inside her, but both know well that was not simple as do it, the consecuences of a new baby was not in the plan.

I remember myself making mental maths while she was cumming, giving her time to finish and getting myself out to cum too. Sometimes was very close get her pregnant, sometimes she leaves at middle orgasm, sometimes was perfect times. Funny, and not much frustrating for her. Nothing avoid us to repeat in the next half hour.

But that unnatural (and common) behaviour... would have their consecuences in the future.

Blowjobs (and specially cum inside her mouth) was not bad, but never really satisfy me although was the only real option to do it inside my wife. (Nowdays I fucking hate when I see an anal video and the man cums out... I can't avoid myself damn him)

After some years we try anal, and hey, that was pure blessing, to not need to get out. I liked, a lot, and she was somehow curious about, but nothing that really take their real attention.

Of course, I wanted more, and she adapted to me as well as she could, not really always, but it happened every now and then.

After twenty years and two childs, I was automatized. When she was about to cum, I was still hard and enjoying the situation with no possibility to cum myself, but getting fun making her to believe I was about to discharge a load inside her, moaning, growling, whispering in her ear how I was about to full her of cum and probably getting her pregnant.

But my automatization was growing out of my own control without realize myself, and I started to "drop the anchor" too early. Unlike at the beginning, when she stated to reach the orgasm, I started to laught a little bit, remembering all that "fake" orgasms I gave to her and how fun was. But the ugly truth is, I was not horny by the situation when I should to be, I started to fell myself semi hard in that critical situation, and people, that is Not funny at all. The only thing that really got me hard is to fuck her ass. I'm doing a thing, but my mind is in another one. I can't stop think in the hole where I can freely cum, till the point herself realizes about that.
She is not sad to see that situation, but is starting to be annoyig for both, at least, she understands about that 20 unnatural years doing weird things in my mind to let both enjoy and not screw up with another baby. Our two kids have been intended, so no complains about my method and timings for her side.

She is trying to fit this situation, but the fix should be in my mind. Although honestly, I have no clue about how to revert the situation and got back to stay horny as before while I provide her an orgasm as in the past was usual.

I'm in a horrible point struggling against my own instincts, trying not to fuck her ass every minute we are together and with no kids around.

The other day, we started to fuck her as she loves it, and after a while she started to watch my face, she told me, hey, come back, where are you?. Sometimes I can't look her at her eyes. I can't believe what is happening to me. She put in four and offer me her ass, but she was not horny at all.
I went inside her, absent, confused inside my own mind. The only thing I feel, was a deep deep relief. I was stuck inside her ass till the balls, eyes closed feeling my own body. Feeling my blood rushing my brain with no control, feeling how everything destroyed in my mind started healing, all the ruins reverting back to their original position, all the cogs starting to turn again, all the chains and limits blowing up.
She asked me, are you ok?. I still was grabbing firmly her hips, feeling myself deep inside her guts, still in silence.

I started moving slowly, I notice how I was growing myself again to my real size, I stopped to be logic, to discard preconceived ideas about what should be or not. I just let my inner primal hunter go out and I started to fuck her ass with no mercy, ramming her as I really needed long time ago, being again who I was in the past. She never complained or let me know if I was hurting her or if she was enjoying it. The only rational thing I was hoping was not hurt her.
I started to... love her, as usual, as always, turned her back and make anal missionary looking at her, looking her eyes, looking her little smile, looking how her eyes was trying to close and their mouth got open and breath, kissing her, crossing our tonges, looking at her ocassional frown when I was being too hard and finally launching my load in her guts. She was perfectly ok.
That was what you really needed, uh? was all she said.

I become a natural assfucker, I need it, its a torture to have a partner "able to", but not always ready. I hate the chains in sex. I hate realize myself its getting really hard to stay at max when she needs to cum (vag) and I don't know if I would be able to revert things in my mind after so many years, but I need to find the way.

How something so wonderfull, so natural, so.. "simple", could become so complex?.

I realize, I'm perverted, after all, not to cum inside her vag is a very good beginning to become perverted. What can to be a better perversion of cum in pussy that cum in ass?, is the fucking definition of perversion I would say.

I see when she is ass ready, and got her open wide, not limits, no chains, my desire for her vagina returns, specially to get her hornier, but I quicly got tired and my inner instinct wants to ram mercilessly, mercilessly, out of control, that beautiful fascinating ass.

I guess that is not an uncommon story, I see very probable this has happend to more mens and husbands, you will tell.

[Backdoorlover]

I have been married for 23 years to a woman who wanted anal, but wasn’t able to enjoy it. So we did it on very few occasions and even then I could never fully enjoy it because I didn’t want to notice she was in pain. So after years of occasional assfucks I gave it up.

And I masturbated a lot back then. Always dreaming of anal and ass to mouth sex. The things I thought I would never get.

That marriage ended because she cheated and afterwards the world changed for me. I had a new girlfriend, who after only 6 weeks offered me her asshole to use. And for the first time I discovered the joy of anal with a woman who is into it and can take it without pain. She became toxic after some years and we separated.

Imagine my joy when I met another woman who not only was the sweetest I’d ever met, but she even preferred anal over vaginal. Making clear her asshole was always available to fuck. Every day. She even agreed right away to try ass to mouth, after some mild cleaning.

Did I miss all this in my first marriage ? Hell yeah !! I lived a whole secred life in my head, in which I needed to escape in order to survive that life. In a way I think it was part of the reason why she fucked another man. She felt I wasn’t as into it as it should.

But still. All that has lead to this moment where I am together with the woman of my dreams. An asshole always ready for my cock and the best blowjobs I ever had. In 2,5 years she never ever refused me sex. I can litterally shove my cock up her ass anytime I feel the urge. I can ask her to suck me whenever I want and she will do it with the biggest smile, she makes me feel my cock is her most favorite treat in the world.

But it took a divorce and a failed relationship to find her.

[Colt1911]

@MindUnlocker my suggestion is for you and your wife to see a therapist who specializes in sexual aspects of a relationship. Both of you have much invested in this relationship. I guess I’m lucky because my wife only wants anal sex. She never experienced orgasm during vaginal penetration but cums hard and often during anal sex, which explains why she strongly prefers anal. It took her many years before she agreed to and discovered the pleasure of anal sex so I believe anyone can work through these issues. I wish you well and hope you’re able to work out your differences.

[MindUnlocker]

Thank you guys to share ideas and experiences.

I'll keep trying to fix my mental mess. I need to recode myself, or back in time my mind, or something.
I won't make my childs go through a divorce. At least, not for this.


How people do you think you became to develop your anal inclinations?. Would you be able to trully figure it out?

[semi-normal]

I wish I had good advice for you brother. There are so many men like us who, over the years, have learned that anal is our true deep desire, real sex. With a woman whom we love. It is deeper and more bonding than anything I have known. In your situation, it is not simple as you have children and huge commitments.
It is worth making efforts with the help of a therapist as Mr. Colt advises.

[MindUnlocker]

I would say I'm getting something.

I'm trying to enjoy the moment, and not lost myself inside my mind, focusing in what I want to do, but in what I am doing. Easier to stay hard in every situation.

For other side, she is more strongly aware about what is happening in my head and what are my needs to keep a healthy sex life as a couple. Is not a passing whim, its real necessity.

Lastly, I don't ask or request. I take if I really needed or my mind starts to splits too much about what is really happening. I've told her, kick me out of home. If you doesn't wants this, just kick me out. And she doesn't does it. I told this seriously and she knows I want to be kicked out.
Any of the options, she accepts and enjoys when I really need it, or I'm kicked out, are desirable for me.

I've been requesting it several months, never kicked out by her, despite what that means in bed if she doesn't kick me out.

I would say lately, she is downplaying it... when she watch me, my relief, my desire, my inner animal unchained... she suddenly becomes tender and awakes in her a great desire to kiss me and enjoy what is happening not only inside her, but inside my mind,

I would say better, a very twisted path to go, never imagined it, how difficult can simple things to be. I hope this steps reach a good goal for both. Damn, not to have an instructions manual from her and from me...
Or is working little by little, and we can fix all this mess, or she got tired of all this shit (if she would be silently enduring... suffering? this situation out of my sight) and she finally kick me fucking out of home forever.

Only time will say.

[Backdoorlover]

The “taking it” part is tricky.

My previous wife told me to just use her when I needed it. So I did. And one day I suddenly was a jerk who raped her ass and hurt her when assfucking her. From one day onto another she hated anal after doing it a few times a week for years.

I now have my reservations about women who day “take it”. If she wants me to take it, I need to feel she wants to be taken. My current girlfriend is like that. She doesn’t need to tell me, het asshole tells me everytime I fuck her. She’s the true anal queen I was looking for.

[MindUnlocker]

I need to feel she wants to be taken

That's the real point. Is not to do it, but to feel both wants it, with no word, just eye crossing, just with the face expression, to know each other haves the same idea in the mind.
Of course I'd love to see her spicy and playing with the idea of anal, teasing me and that kind of stuff.

But with kids is near to be impossible. I can say she is very different when kids arrive home from school. All connection with her dissapears and then there is only childs.

I must to say, my wife told me one single time in more than 20 years about she felt raped by me, only one single time after ask her about that feeling, was a long time ago, more than ten years, and myself was giving no credit about her words. It happened more than then years ago and she told it to me about 6 or 7 years ago, 3 or 4 years after that happened. The most crazy thing was, when that happened, there were vaginal and anal sex... and she complained I hurted her... in her pussy!!!. What!? I can't... how? in the pussy?, -yes, in the pussy.
I still can believe it, I was going back to her pussy FOR HER, not for me, I would have been stay in her ass all the time. Still don't understand why she never told me about she was getting hurt in that moment (she told me I was very dominant in that occasion) and I still can't believe how can I hurt her "there", I have a normal penis, nothing special, so I guess she had some problem in that moment. It never happened again (as far as I know) and I insisted her about to tell me anything if someday happens something similar.

That makes me to ask myself if this has happened in more couples in isolated occasions. I think I'm gonna ask in a new thread.

[Backdoorlover]

Feeling raped is difficult. It doesn’t need to be a fact, cause it’s all about feelings.

My first wife was really into mouthfucks. She loved it if I shoved my cock in her mouth and fucked it. So one day the kids weren’t home, I took a shower and rand down the stairs where she was lying in the sofa. I had a hardon and just straightup put it in her mouth.

But this time she reacted totally different. She acted like I was raping her and started pushing me away. I was totally confused about this reaction. She never explained herself, only gave me feelings of guilt.

More then a year later I found out she had been fucking another guy every monday and the day I put my cock in her mouth was mondaynight. She fucked and sucked her lover that day and didn’t want my cock in it on the same day.

[MindUnlocker]

More then a year later I found out...

Wow, I know more or less your background, but still overwhelms how easy you're able to say it. I understand is a lesson you carry deep in your soul and you have it completely overcomed. I hope to be as hard as you if finally that's my case too (attending to your theory about similarities between my case and you and your first wife).