Interesting conversations these days again. A couple comments on some of the discussions got me thinking - folks talking about how we suspect many people enjoy anal - increase in anal in porn is evidence. A concern raised that anal may be seen as kinky but not deviant & that including it in discussions of other activities - such as wife swapping, etc - may scare other people away.
1) These things made me wonder about ways to contribute to "normalizing" the idea of anal. Do others have any ideas of ways we can contribute to this?
2) has anyone ever "come out" as enjoying anal? Or as an AO couple! To friends? Family? If so, how did it go? Did anyone express their interest? Disgust? Anyone change an opinion? Ideas of how to do this?
Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
I cannot imagine ever discussing anal sex with family members under any circumstances. I would also be unlikely to initiate such a discussion with friends.
I realise women are more likely to discuss sexual matters with others, but for most people it is outside of their comfort zone, be it anal, oral or vaginal - except in a general sense.
And if you think about it, what is there to gain? People don't, after all, come out as oral lovers.
I realise women are more likely to discuss sexual matters with others, but for most people it is outside of their comfort zone, be it anal, oral or vaginal - except in a general sense.
And if you think about it, what is there to gain? People don't, after all, come out as oral lovers.
Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
marcus wrote:I cannot imagine ever discussing anal sex with family members under any circumstances. I would also be unlikely to initiate such a discussion with friends.
I realise women are more likely to discuss sexual matters with others, but for most people it is outside of their comfort zone, be it anal, oral or vaginal - except in a general sense.
And if you think about it, what is there to gain? People don't, after all, come out as oral lovers.
Point taken. However I think there r unique little situations that arise from time to time. Interestingly, after I had posted this my wife & I were playing poker with some friends and after a bad hand one of our friends remarked out of frustration about losing a hand "I'm buggered!", to which my wife quipped "I've been known to be". A few raised eyebrows... A knowing wink at me...
Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
I did tell a friend about being anal only but i don't think he believed me. But it didn't get a bad reaction and i think he was very interested in the idea which was new to him.
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Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
Not going to happen...
Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
So this came as quite a surprise to me...last night my wife was out with her girlfriends for some drinks. She got home pretty late and had obviously had a bit to drink. I was already mostly passed out but talked to her a bit while we fell back to sleep together and she told me that she and her girlfriends got talking about sex and she ultimately ended up divulging our sex life to her friends.
She said that they were talking relationships and such and one of the other ladies started to bitch about 'men always obsessing about anal sex' (OH DEAR). The other friends all joined in voicing that they think anal sex is gross and/or painful and out of the whole group, two of them were dead set against it and one confessed to having done it once and didn't like it. At first, my wife was reluctant to be honest about it but she decided that it's time to start trying to work against the negative stigma and so she told her girlfriends that she does it and actually rather enjoys it.
They were blown away and evidently this turned into quite a long question-and-answer session where they seemingly peeled back the layers of her comment to ultimately learn that I am a complete anal fiend and that my wife and I have anal sex at least twice a week and that it is pretty much the standard for us now. One of her friends then confessed that "she had a friend" who did anal pretty regularly and told her that when you do it more often it gets easier and more enjoyable. I have no idea if she was actually referring to herself, but I'm inclined to believe it was actually a friend based on this being the girl who had already admitted to having done anal but just not enjoying it. They ended up asking for all sorts of information, such as how to work up toward it with toy play, etc, how she cleans for it, etc. Hopefully some interest was created.
Anyway, I was pretty blown away to hear this because she would normally never talk about that kind of detail with people, but since she had a few drinks in her I think she started to have fun getting to brag about our sex life. I like that she was willing to discuss it and obviously I have no shame about it. Still, I've always had a nagging worry that if she ever discussed our sex life in extensive detail that her friends might try to convince her that it's not normal and that she's just letting me use her somehow.
It will be interesting to see if there's any more follow-up to this occasion once the booze wears off and the ladies are all together at work again knowing what they now know.
She said that they were talking relationships and such and one of the other ladies started to bitch about 'men always obsessing about anal sex' (OH DEAR). The other friends all joined in voicing that they think anal sex is gross and/or painful and out of the whole group, two of them were dead set against it and one confessed to having done it once and didn't like it. At first, my wife was reluctant to be honest about it but she decided that it's time to start trying to work against the negative stigma and so she told her girlfriends that she does it and actually rather enjoys it.
They were blown away and evidently this turned into quite a long question-and-answer session where they seemingly peeled back the layers of her comment to ultimately learn that I am a complete anal fiend and that my wife and I have anal sex at least twice a week and that it is pretty much the standard for us now. One of her friends then confessed that "she had a friend" who did anal pretty regularly and told her that when you do it more often it gets easier and more enjoyable. I have no idea if she was actually referring to herself, but I'm inclined to believe it was actually a friend based on this being the girl who had already admitted to having done anal but just not enjoying it. They ended up asking for all sorts of information, such as how to work up toward it with toy play, etc, how she cleans for it, etc. Hopefully some interest was created.
Anyway, I was pretty blown away to hear this because she would normally never talk about that kind of detail with people, but since she had a few drinks in her I think she started to have fun getting to brag about our sex life. I like that she was willing to discuss it and obviously I have no shame about it. Still, I've always had a nagging worry that if she ever discussed our sex life in extensive detail that her friends might try to convince her that it's not normal and that she's just letting me use her somehow.
It will be interesting to see if there's any more follow-up to this occasion once the booze wears off and the ladies are all together at work again knowing what they now know.
Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
Well, that just goes to show that you never know.
Humans are, primarily, social beings, and will do and say almost anything either to a) not be singled out or b) to make sure they fit in. As soon as enough people break the consensus then they'll all be wanting to say they like anal!
Humans are, primarily, social beings, and will do and say almost anything either to a) not be singled out or b) to make sure they fit in. As soon as enough people break the consensus then they'll all be wanting to say they like anal!
Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
And one thing which stands out:
I get the impression that this is often raised, which does support my view that an interest and/or preference for anal is more common than not in men. We've been led to believe we are in a minority when in fact I would suggest we are more the silent majority.
the2beans wrote:one of the other ladies started to bitch about 'men always obsessing about anal sex' .
I get the impression that this is often raised, which does support my view that an interest and/or preference for anal is more common than not in men. We've been led to believe we are in a minority when in fact I would suggest we are more the silent majority.
Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
marcus wrote:And one thing which stands out:
the2beans wrote:one of the other ladies started to bitch about 'men always obsessing about anal sex' .
I get the impression that this is often raised, which does support my view that an interest and/or preference for anal is more common than not in men. We've been led to believe we are in a minority when in fact I would suggest we are more the silent majority.
I don't think I'd even call us silent. I think it's fairly evident that anal sex is a very popular desire for a great many men. That seems to be quite out in the open and accepted now. What is silent or not accepted is that women can and do enjoy it just as much as men when they get into the correctly and with the right partner. We talked about this a bit more today briefly and she also suspects that the seeming interest from her girlfriends was probably more an attempt by them to make my wife feel OK about admitting it because before she spoke up, they were all pretty much just saying it was disgusting and made no sense whatsoever, etc.
Re: Normalizing Anal? "Coming out" as anal lovers?
You have a really great wife there the2beans. She's right not to be ashamed of it. My gf has talked to her best friend about how much we have anal, but only because she trusts her. I don't think she'd ever admit it to a group like that.
The whole thing is social conditioning because as your wife found out though, they were all very interested once she made it acceptable to say so. It's not just us guys who like anal so much, but its like its now the last taboo for women to say so.
The whole thing is social conditioning because as your wife found out though, they were all very interested once she made it acceptable to say so. It's not just us guys who like anal so much, but its like its now the last taboo for women to say so.
