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Letting off steam

Posted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 9:31 am
by kingsman
I know this isn't going to be popular, but I feel I have to say it.

Discovering this forum, the blog and the whole community was amazing. I feel truly at home here and I think we all know how it is to know that the lifestyle is something to aspire to and completely normal.


I took a break from here for a few months, partly because of other stuff IRL, and partly because I got a little tired of posting often with little other engagement. I returned but was dismayed to see we are still plagued by the same problems.

Many new members and introductions but once signed up they mostly disappear with no engagement. Then there is the constant posts both in the forum and the blog about these sexually voracious vaginal virgins. I don't know about the rest of you but I'm seriously thinking we are being trolled. Am I really alone in thinking that many of these tales are pure fantasy? And worse, many people indulge the authors of these tall tales. My worry is that this discourages genuine newcomers who are curious as it is difficult to take much of it seriously.

All this makes me sad as there is really nowhere else to go.

I'm not pointing fingers at any specific individuals and don't want to ruffle any feathers but I had to get it off my chest.

So how do you feel?

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 2:03 pm
by analsexonly
It is always possible that there are people who post under false pretenses. We do not want or encourage such behavior, but it is nearly impossible to prove one way or another, so we tend to take people at face value and try to provide them with a positive response in the event they are being sincere, or to benefit other readers even if they aren't. In the rare event something may in fact be quite obviously false, we may deal with it more directly.

I sincerely doubt that it is deterring people, or that many people are posting in an insincere manner. Regarding you particular example of vaginal virgins, I can tell you that that's a topic that has grown in interest and I've specifically had people reach out to me regarding that topic because they've seen other people talking about it and don't feel as unusual or like a self-perceived freak as a result. This is something I've seen happen repeatedly over the years of this community existing: topics come and go in waves and get fueled by other people talking about them and triggering conversations for other people as well. The blog itself has 500+ unique visitors per day, and most don't interact directly with the community, but it's not too surprising that when people see a topic that sparks their interest or relates to them, they'll also reach out about it.

I have no doubt that it also inspires some people to write fictional accounts and share them as if true, unfortunately. But acting suspiciously towards every member and trying to find faults in their posts leads to a paranoid, unhealthy community. It's happened before, with accusations flying towards anyone who ever gave the perception of contradicting themselves, and it led to a lot of members leaving and never coming back, and to the enforcement of rules against publicly calling out anyone.

If you have specific concerns about someone, contact a moderator privately, do not make public accusations.

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:36 pm
by LuvMyWifesAss

I couldn't agree more. I've had several email discourses with others who feel the same way. I think it discredits the forums, to some degree.

As well, there are a lot of good, foundational posts that get lost in the shuffle, like those dealing with penetrating beyond the rectal valves, anal sex education, etc. Yes, these are both mine, but I can't think of some of the other good ones by others at the second. Maybe some of these should be sticky posts at the top of the forums. Although some of this may be covered in the guide, it lacks the interaction of the forum.

I just don't know what the answer is, but I really would like to see the forum get back to what it once was. At least when there was a post it usually seemed genuine.

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 9:54 am
by ksaleh
I already have written here how excellent the existence of this forum. We agree that discovering this forum and the whole community was amazing. The low participation in the forum also makes me sad.

But I must say that we felt quoted in the pate of "vaginal virginity", because we are a couple that fits this classification. I think it fair to suspect everything you read on the internet (after all, nobody knows who is on the other side of the screen), however, it seems misleading to assume that all such realities are merely the result of perverted and unreasonable fantasies.

Perhaps the focus on this is euphoria of finding people who understand, share the same thought and preferences and finally see themselves as people not as strange people as they thought they looked...

The low engagement in the forum is very bad. But I confess that this kind of suspicion is very discouraging. We do not frequently participate in Discord, but we already interact there and even share some of our photos dedicated to the community. Photos of us together! In some of them my wife's hymen was quite apparent, for example.. I'd post one here if the rules allowed. But I also feel that I do not have to prove our authenticity to anyone.

We are trying to get pregnant without abandoning the AO and we have recently we posted about this. Too bad that this kind of idea seems so outdated or unrealistic.

If you allow a suggestion and do not just whining, I think it could improve the integration of the forum topics in the Discord. The free chat mode is a bit uninteresting. Channels in the Discord separated by topic topics and strictly focused on the discussion of topics presented here in the forum seems a good way to improve engagement.

Anyway, sorry for the unburden.

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:08 am
by kingsman
@ksaleh I neither know or care if your partner is a vaginal virgin. My remarks were not directed at specific individuals, rather the largely quantity of submissions or posts by people claiming to be so. It's not that I consider it impossible but simply that for a number of reasons I won't go into I find it highly unlikely to be true in general.

If your partner is still a virgin, then good for you. However, this particular fetish has no appeal to me. It obviously does tickle someone's fancy though as the same thing crops up again and again.

I'm sorry that you find my suspicion discouraging - I myself find the fake narratives discouraging. And I can't help having well attuned bullshit detector's. Not that one really needs them.

Most of the phony stories start in much the same way, "Hi i'm Juliet from France. I'm 26y old and I'm an anal slut!". Seen one, seen them all.

In my 40 plus years, which includes several girlfriends, a marriage and now a long term relationship, I've yet to meet a single woman who self describes as a slut. Or whore etc. Again, not to say it never happens, but it's what we see online all the time.

My experience also informs me that women are not nearly so preoccupied with sex as men are, yet time and again we are presented with the "insatiable female" fantasy that many men would like to believe in.

I suspect that what is going on (other than some trolling) is that there are members who are unhappy with the low engagement and so they try to create talking points in order to stimulate activity. Understandable, but ultimately unproductive. Another possibility is that there are people who either aren't in a relationship, or haven't / can't have anal with their partner who nonetheless have a real interest in AO but living it vicariously is their only way of participating. Who knows ?

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:13 am
by FarmerDan
Oh dear. If this place makes you so unhappy, why bother coming here?

It's the mix of fact and fantasy that gives sex its allure. I'm sure we'd all like to believe that everything we read here is factual but we can be no more sure of that than in any of the thousands of other places, on or off line, where people discuss sex.

I'm pretty sure our mods (take a bow!) do a great job in keeping obvious fakes away, but they're not about to visit the bedrooms of everyone who writes. The occasional fairy story is a small price to pay for good advice and encouragement.

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:53 am
by kingsman
FarmerDan wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:13 am
Oh dear. If this place makes you so unhappy, why bother coming here?

I said nothing about being unhappy. Do you think it serves this community well to ignore a very obvious problem? It won't make it go away. Shoot the messenger, why don't you?

Either people knowingly give the bullshit a pass or they are even more naive than I thought. And it is not just what people say, it is how they say it - 3rd rate erotic fiction written by someone with all the worldly and sexual experience that you'd expect of someone who lives at home with mum.

I'm actually trying to appeal the the person(s) behind the fake posts as it is my opinion that they are doing harm by killing off the very thing that they like.

I have no problem at all with fantasy, just when people try to pass it off as reality, even when it is patently absurd. We all have fantasies but there clearly needs to be a separation between fact and fantasy especially when giving advice. My suggestion would be for the forum to have a fantasy or story section where people would be free to let their imaginations run wild.

Like what I say or not, but I say it because I want this place to grow and be even better.

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:59 pm
by ksaleh
I partially agree with you but I do not understand your indignation. In our first participation here I made it clear that our account is joint of the couple but only I who write, she just accompanies and reads and gives suggestions.

Some reports are really dubious but what to do? Is not it enough to simply ignore? After all, what do you propose?

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Sun Sep 29, 2019 5:16 pm
by throwawaymedfree
It's possible that a lot of the new posters are just guys LARPING, and I wonder as well because a lot of them disappear quickly. Or, another explanation is that women who come onto this forum get a lot of private messages propositioning them or wanting something more, so they might get put off by that. The admin of this site already stated not to PM people, especially women, without their explicit permission but that doesn't mean everyone listens.

Or, another possible explanation is that once people start here and get encouraged to pursue anal more, they're too busy fucking in real life. I hope that's the case. I know I probably wouldn't be posting here as often if I was getting fucked all the time.

Personally for me, it doesn't matter if the posters are fake as I am not gonna meet anyone here in real life anyway. My complaint is that this place is pretty dead and there doesn't seem to be as much enthusiasm for anal only.

I think the best thing to do is respond and engage to posts you think is genuine, and just ignore the ones that sound fake. I am sure people suspect my posts as well, but I am glad people took me seriously instead of being hostile. A lot of posters have told me, both on the threads and in private, that it's refreshing to read my posts and that's part of what keeps me coming back here and vocalizing my thoughts.
kingsman wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:08 am
In my 40 plus years, which includes several girlfriends, a marriage and now a long term relationship, I've yet to meet a single woman who self describes as a slut. Or whore etc. Again, not to say it never happens, but it's what we see online all the time.

That's one thing that got on my bullshit sensor when reading some posts on subreddits. Even among my promiscuous female friends, nobody describes themselves as sluts, whores, cunt. These words have real meaning to them with real baggage, because people have actually used these words against them either in front of their face or behind their backs. I was wondering who these women were on reddit who call themselves "stupid sluts" and what they're like in real life if they exist at all. Even me, I fantasize about gangbangs and when I am with a partner, I have sex every day (and lots of anal!), and it's unstimulating at best and turn off at the worst by the idea of being called names.

Now sex on the other hand, it's on women's minds all the time too. Conversations among women get pretty dirty that we won't engage with guys because it brings unwanted attention that can become a real threat.

Re: Letting off steam

Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2020 3:25 pm
by amaizeg
I have been away for some time because things also seemed a bit dead to me, but I just logged in again today and the place seems to have a lot of recent posts.

As for the potential fakery, sure, there will be people who just post stuff to create an unsolicited interactive erotic story in their head. So what?

If it's fake then eventually you'll spot it if you know what actual anal intimacy is like. At the end of the day those of us who mean it are here because of our love for anal sex, and we like to talk about it, educate people about it and share how great it is.

I don't care about the fake accounts of people who might just be jacking off to this forum. I write my posts for those who feel encouraged to pursue their sexual desires and feel empowered to do so by them.