need help w girlfriend

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need help w girlfriend

Post by mook » Thu Jun 28, 2018 7:46 pm

Hello all, i am a 24 yo male in the USA,
i want to ask about my girlfriend,
I am looking for help i guess, i found this site after hearing her talk about having an AO relationship with her ex, she is 22, we have been together for about 6 our relationship, we have mostly vaginal and oral sex, we have done anal several times and it was awesome.. i definitely prefer it..The problem is in her relationship with her ex witch was her only real relationship before us, her boyfriend was a little abusive it sounds, she has told me that he made her have Anal and oral sex with him like 95% of the time all the time they where together, he rarely touched her vagina if at all and would not allow her to either.. he also tied her up and hit her and such. she crys when she talks about it,.. she didn;t start to tell me all this until recently.. it is hard to hear. it also leaves me confused. on one hand i was looking forward to more anal sex, and i definitely noticed that she seemed resistant to it at first, but on nights when i was naturally more aggressive or drinking or whatever, she would let me, then seem really really Into it, like way more then normal witch left me with the impression she really liked it..I love her, i do not want to do something she does not want, but at the same time it almost feels like she likes it subconsciously but can not ask for it.. figuring out girls is crazy ! does anyone have any advise for me ?

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Re: need help w girlfriend

Post by AnnoMundi » Wed Jul 04, 2018 2:50 pm

The smartest (and also most callous) advice that I've come across is to never get involved with a woman like that. Not that she is bad, or doesn't deserve your help, but just that down that road lies a metric fuck ton of problems that will mess up your life as well. Since you already are involved your first priority should not be about getting anal nookie, but sorting out the mess in her head with her. Because if you don't it will fuck you up eventually.

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Re: need help w girlfriend

Post by Huntermax » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:13 pm

I have to agree that this is a damaged girl that you don't want to let yourself get too close to. She enjoys drama. Zero, to very women enjoy real abuse, but many of them do enjoy the drama that goes with the abuse, and some enjoy abuse itself. It sounds like she is reliving her time with her ex when you become more aggressive.

It's also true in general that many women will act submissive, but only when you act dominant. They may even want to act submissive, but are wired to push your buttons and your boundaries and to do confusing things. They are wired this way to throw you off and see if you are a man, or a boy, or something less. So she acts like she doesn't want it, and maybe she kind of doesn't it, but she likes aggressive dominant men and so when you act that way, she does want it and lets you have it.

This is of course an immature woman. Most men would want a women that will just be honest, and consistent. One you can talk openly with about what you want and what she wants. Instead what you have is a drama queen whom puts on you, the bad things her ex did to her. The bad things that she allowed him to do, and that part of her probably enjoyed, while the other part of her hated it and hated herself for enjoying it.

Long story short, this girl has the wiring to become a stripper, porn star, cam girl or escort. But she's not going to make a great long term girlfriend or wife material. And you thought you were on here to get anal only advice. That said, I'd still go anal only for a little while with her and then move on.

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Re: need help w girlfriend

Post by analsexonly » Thu Aug 02, 2018 5:47 am

I'm going to disagree with everyone—while things may not work out between the two of you, I wouldn't give up so easily, especially if you like each other. Relationships can be messy and everyone is "broken" at some level, that doesn't mean you should automatically avoid everyone who shows a sign of complexity.

Instead, try to keep up the dialogue and talk with her about it. Tell her that anal is something you'd like to explore more with her, but you don't want it to be abusive, you want her to enjoy it too and have it be something you can share together. The problem with her ex is that he was abusive, not that they were anal only together. And while negative associations can form from such things, it sounds like she still does like anal, and if she's open to doing it with you and enjoying it together, you can probably help replace those negative associations with positive ones for her.

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Re: need help w girlfriend

Post by ProfessorOfService » Sun Aug 05, 2018 1:11 pm

I totally agree with AnalSexOnly!

Huntermax, opinionated much? Every woman who's ever been dominated or abused should be written off by society?? it's ok to use her anally for awhile, but never respect her? She should become a stripper or sex worker because she was abused by a boyfriend??!!! You state some VERY ugly sentiments there! I would advise all women to steer clear of anyone with the attitudes you espoused.

I do agree with something the otherwise egregious first reply said. You need to focus on figuring out the woman, her needs and the effect the abuse had on her, before you worry about what kind of sex to have with her. Maybe she's a submissive or a slave or maybe she's been trained that way. Or maybe she's just a nice girl who became an abuse victim. You need to be very patient and understanding with her and help her figure out how much of that stuff she wants or needs and how much of it she hates and wants to free herself from.

I would never advise anyone to abuse another. But caring domination is DIFFERENT from abuse. If you are dominant or enjoy certain things that get her going, and she doesn't hate them, herself or you the next day, then work with her to determine what things those are and see if they are a good part of your relationship.

If you don't have patience, you are turned off by her, or you can't maintain respect for her while engaging in ways that she needs, then it might be better if you find a simpler, less complicated, vanilla relationship. But obviously if you're here, then you don't want a simple white-bread, cookie-cutter relationship. If you like each other and you both enjoy certain alternative activities, then you might be perfect for each other.

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Re: need help w girlfriend

Post by FarmerDan » Sun Aug 05, 2018 6:59 pm

Great answer, Prof!

One of the joys and rewards of anal sex - for most people - is that it requires exceptional levels of communication to attain and enjoy. The recipient requires a high level of trust in his or her partner to achieve good results. Without that I found (in my novice days) that anal can be painful even for experienced players.
It's a lifestyle folks not a 2 minute sprint

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Re: need help w girlfriend

Post by Grandadmiral » Wed Aug 08, 2018 4:06 pm

It sounds to me as if you need to slowly make anal sex about passion and reward, by making love to her and her ass. It also about rebuilding trust, her trust that the relationship and the sex shared between you is as much about her needs as it is about yours. It sounds to me that her previous relationship was about control, and the sex was solely about his needs, and anal sex became an obligation she was compelled to offer. It wasn't a reward.
You need to let her decide when she wants it, and help her see the act not just as a reward for herself, but as an extension of the intimacy between both of you. It should be kept within her control, but you can still help her navigate.

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