Interested, willing to give it a go

[Gwen970]

After a rather explicit conversation with a friend of mine, through a roundabout way, I came upon this website. Long story short, I had some complications from my pregnancy / delivery that has made vaginal intercourse both painful and difficult. I'll spare you the details but after a 15 months and three corrective surgeries that have not worked at all, something had to give.

My husband has been a very patient man and while I'm not new by any means to anal sex, I've never really thought of it as a primary means of sexual Intercourse in a heterosexual relationship. While I am unlikely to give up giving / receiving oral sex, I'm actually very open to anal Intercourse as a "standard" since i'm unlikely to ever have vaginal Intercourse again. Even fingers hurt inside my vagina.

I'm 33, my husband is 35. We've been together for 14 years, married for 12. We have indulged in anal sex for about 10 of those years but it was something I was once very put off by the notion of. One chemically enhanced night later, it was an at least once a month thing that eventually became 2-3/month.

My personal challenge is around engaging in anal sex 2-4/week as both of us have high sex drives. It's more about being clean and the ability for being spontaneous. But it's something I am not only willing to try but am determined to make work. I have orgasmed a handful of times from anal only stimulation (no clit play, no nipple play) so I know it's possible, just a matter of learning in a more consistent manner.

So anyways, hi. Going to document my trials on here. Read some good things, hoping to add to them. My husband is unaware of this but will let him know on the 1st. I'm both excited and nervous. More than anything, after 15 months plus my last trimester of very little sex, we both really want to restore that intimacy and connection and anal has always been extremely intimate and intense for us.

Wish us luck.

[Krista]

Welcome Gwen,

Can't wait to hear how things progress for you.


Krista

[Gwen970]

I'm nervous to be honest. We've only had intercourse 5 times in the past 15 months (minus 6 weeks for healing post-baby), all of that vaginal. We've had a lot of oral but he doesn't cum from oral sex so he generally just masturbates himself while going down on me. But we haven't had anal since I was 6 months pregnant which was the limit for where it was comfortable and still enjoyable. It used to take me 3 or 4 days after before I'd feel not as tender back there. It wasn't from lack of prep or foreplay, he's just girthy and we've been a bit "vigorous" sometimes.

Back then it was a 2 or 3 times a month thing so like once during my period for sure, maybe twice, and almost always around the middle of my cycle because I've always been pawing at myself around that time anyways and then just another time when the mood struck us. But I miss having sex 3 or 4 times a week and doing that via anal makes me a bit nervous. I won't know until I try it. And other than a handful of times out of probably a 200 or so, I've for the most part enjoyed anal and have had an orgasm from anal stimulation alone in probably a 3rd of those. So it's not like I don't like it, I do, a lot sometimes, just that as our new "normal" will be interesting.

But baby steps. Friday night will be the magic night. I'm kinda excited just for this time alone much less what could lie beyond it.

[Krista]

I think you are right.

I think the biggest step for most people that want to take this on isn't if they enjoy anal it's getting themselves to a point where they can do it as frequently. And there is so many factors from prep, to his size to his technique, to our readiness and tolerance.

I took FarmerDan's advice and ordered a set of plugs to help get me ready and more tolerant. Reading on here it totally makes me jealous of the young ones that are still vaginal virgins but have anal regularly. I think Vaginal sex is so easy so if and when they do decide it's an easy step. Haha it's like how I wish I learned to drive a standard before automatic.

[amorous945]

Hi, Gwen, and welcome! Although I'm not very "girthy," like your husband, I assure you that in time you'll be able to have anal sex 3 or 4 times a week without difficulty. Up until recently, and that because of time constraints, my wife and I had anal sex 3 to 4 times a week for many years. You may not be able to at first, but from our experience and that of others, once you become regular with your anal play, the easier it becomes. I would encourage you to play with toys and lots of self anal play when you're alone. People talk a lot about "anal training" on here, but I believe that most all things are "mind over matter." Being in touch with your own body is the key, in my opinion. Good luck, and have fun!

[Analonely]

You can try to engage in enema play as foreplay (if he's into that); the building up expectation might really heighten the common complicity that arises from doing anal alone. In the long run, however, I believe enemas can mess up with your natural ability to have bowel movements, might cause electrolyte imbalance (depending on your kidney health and the fluids you use), so I don't think it would be a very good idea to do it frequently (every day or every other day). However, if you eat proper and have an overall healthy diet, just having your bowel movements regularly (preferably daily) is enough to clean the space in which your husband will be going into, for the rectum only holds matter when you're about to pass it out. If he's really long, though (8"+), he might feel something when going full depth (which can be arousing to some for it reminds you both of what you're doing and where he's at), but that's just part of the deal. Most of the time (I'd say 90-95%+) there will be no surprises left in his penis and the remainder, again, is part of the deal (but really, definitely not a big deal compared to the trade-off). You can and probably should talk to him, ask if he's okay with that, but I honestly don't believe he would ever turn the whole experience down for such a petty thing.

On the issue of spontaneity, in short — practice makes it perfect. The more you do it, the easier it will be for you to accommodate him. You can use butt plugs and/or dilators depending on your intervals (and stretching goals if you have any), but engaging in daily intercourse for some time is usually the best way to improve things. If you decide for the butt plugs and/or dilators, you should just use your own discretion on the amount of time and sizes to wear (as with everything: start slow and build up).

Best of luck in your special night and may all nights to come be equally special

[LizW]

Gwen,

Good luck! You sound so committed. I am sure that will be rewarded in kind.

[Gwen970]

You can try to engage in enema play as foreplay (if he's into that); the building up expectation might really heighten the common complicity that arises from doing anal alone. In the long run, however, I believe enemas can mess up with your natural ability to have bowel movements, might cause electrolyte imbalance (depending on your kidney health and the fluids you use), so I don't think it would be a very good idea to do it frequently (every day or every other day). However, if you eat proper and have an overall healthy diet, just having your bowel movements regularly (preferably daily) is enough to clean the space in which your husband will be going into, for the rectum only holds matter when you're about to pass it out. If he's really long, though (8"+), he might feel something when going full depth (which can be arousing to some for it reminds you both of what you're doing and where he's at), but that's just part of the deal.

I've never relied on enemas. Generally speaking we know when *not* to do it (around lunch time) and out of the 200+ times he and I have done it, we've only had an "eeeww" moment a handful of those times. I'm well past the freak out part as you point out, it comes with the territory. But we're very healthy as we're both avid mountain bikers and I play co-ed soccer as well. General health back there, minus the wonders of what pregnancy does or can do, is pretty much top notch.

As for plugs, I used them in the past but really not anymore. I don't masturbate often (don't need to) but I've routinely used a finger or two for added stimulation. With foreplay, I open up pretty easily back there. He just can't "shove it in" and go fast right off the bat. Before my pregnancy, we could go without any lube, just saliva from the rimjob before. I do admit though, I'm excited for this Friday. We're going to do the whole date night thing and then I'll surprise him with that after we get home. I don't think he's expecting it since we haven't done anal since the middle of my pregnancy and that was almost 18 months ago.

[Krista]

That's awesome. Hope you have a great date night.

[Jack]

Whenever the subject turns to enemas, I always give the same two words of advice: small volume. All you need is enough water to cleanse the rectum, not the entire colon. About 8 to 10 ounces will do the trick. The more water, the longer it takes to come out. Two quarts = two hours. After the small enema, Carla and I like to fill up a fleet container with liquid lube, which I squirt up her ass, and she immediately expels onto a towel. For a newbie, we recommend the woman be in control, pressing her anus against the man's cock and pushing outward as if trying to defecate. If the woman really wants to do to receive anal, it will happen. The sphincter will obey her mind and her will.

Jack