Hello all

[F655A]

I happened upon this site today, and realized I might maybe fit in.

I'm straight male, and have been AO, solo, for 2796 days. This was not by any premeditated choice, but rather due to the fact my wife became asexual/anti-sex in 2008. Since it has been natural for me to be faithful to my marriage pact, and since my wife has been immovable in her aversion to sex, my life-long anal fascination has since emerged as my sole sexual haven and refuge. Anal is by now so natural to me that I wonder what regular sex would be like, or if I'd even be much interested any more.

I figure it can't hurt to join up, speak up, and find out how many others are out there who may be similar to me.

[analsexonly]

Welcome! I'm glad to see more people joining who fit within the realm of anal only but have a different interpretation on it from many of the others here. That's quite an impressive length of time to be anal only solo. Do you fully refrain from any other stimulation? Do you use any sort of chastity device, or just your own self control? Are you able to orgasm anally? If so, how long did that take you to develop?

[F655A]

I don't refrain from other stimulation, but find that anal stimulation provides the complete sexual experience. My wife claims I prefer it. I didn't think I preferred it, though I'd always felt somehow incomplete without it.

I edge always, and rarely orgasm, since I feel an orgasm is something that I want to experience with a significant partner. My self control is all I need.

Reading these pages make me interested in having anal orgasms. It would not be difficult for me to achieve, I think. If interested, I'd be willing to let you know when I succeed.

[Pygophiliac]

Hi F655A,

That is true commitment, staying in a marriage in which your spouse is asexual and remaining otherwise faithful (i.e. you don't engage in play, anal or otherwise, with anyone else). I think only a Puritan would begrudge you the solo anal stimulation that brings you sexual pleasure. I'm guessing that you both have found some workable compromise, or you wouldn't have lasted this long.

I think this is something that needs to be discussed openly and honestly both before and after marriage (with the understanding that people do change over time in terms of their libido and sexual appetites or desires). Not every couple is as willing to work things through as you two have been.

May I ask whether your wife was interested at all in anal while she was still sexually active? Were you two otherwise compatible before she stopped wanting sex altogether? I hope that she doesn't place any moral judgement on you for still wanting sexual pleasure, or for engaging in anal stimulation to do so.

Best wishes,
Pygophiliac

[F655A]

During our honeymoon phase, which lasted about 7 years, I felt extremely lucky to have found such apparent compatibility. After the first few years, though our vanilla sex was frequent, she eventually let on that once every day was more than enough for her. I was ready for her 3 times a day, every day. As for anal, though she never developed a fondness for receiving it, and eventually refused it, she seemingly took great enjoyment giving it. I figured I could work with that.

How/why she changed after 14 years has very much to do with an almost complete loss of hormones. We married during her perimenopause, but I still had no clue that when full menopause hit, it would bring such a dramatic alteration in her. Coupled with buried psychological issues that came out, stemming from childhood sexual abuse, the end result was disastrous for our intimate life together.

I think she judges me for wanting sexual pleasure, as if it were an infantile weakness I have. Worse yet, she also judges me a a kinky perv, for the practices we had shared, and for what I had trusted was an intimate secret that only she and I shared. As you can imagine, the topic of sexuality is something we never discuss, not any longer.

[Pygophiliac]

I think she judges me for wanting sexual pleasure, as if it were an infantile weakness I have. Worse yet, she also judges me a a kinky perv, for the practices we had shared, and for what I had trusted was an intimate secret that only she and I shared. As you can imagine, the topic of sexuality is something we never discuss, not any longer.

Damn. I was hoping that the judgmental aspect wasn't present and that you two could communicate openly without either claiming some sort of "high ground". When sex is much more important to one partner than the other, the two need to come to an agreement that satisfies both of them *and* they each need to respect the other. If there is some element besides sex that is keeping the marriage together, and you two are otherwise communicating openly (i.e. about everything *but* sex), then I can understand why you would want to remain in the marriage. But the fact that you two are so far apart on the sexual element, not just in terms of desire but philosophically, is a cause for concern.

I'm not a marriage therapist, and I won't pretend to know you well enough to advise you on what to do about the marriage. I'm speaking here as a fellow anal aficionado with more than a few decades under my belt, and with my own particular agenda: to keep you anally active in the most practical way possible (whether it's with another person or with yourself). I'm advising you what to do about your anal desires. Honor them.

I freely admit that I'm biased, and here's my anal-loving take on the matter: only the most puritanical and prudish person would consider what you're doing as unfaithful or harmful. I would argue the opposite, that you're doing what you can to work within the marriage. Don't let someone (your wife, your religion, your counselor, your doctor) take your anal bliss away.

[F655A]

Ha! Thanks for the encouragement, and for taking the time to offer it!

Honestly, I think the only reason we're still married is because she is completely dependent upon me. She has never earned an income in her life, and her consistent physical and pyschological frailties have made me despair of ever seeing her carry her own burden.

I don't know if it is weak-kneed indecisiveness, or a desire to be abused and taken advantage of, or just pure agápē on my part that keeps me in the relationship. I flatter myself that I have developed the Zen of accepting the path upon which my past decisions have placed me.

Alas, however, she and I no longer truly communicate together on any topic. I meet my needs when and as I can, but don't for a minute consider my situation an ideal one.