I've been following this site and the blog for a while now, and I love it. Based on recent developments at home I've worked up the courage to sign up and post here. My wife and I have been progressing through our journey with anal sex for a few years now, and I thought I'd share it for advice and commentary. I also have an idea for the phases of anal progression... AE to OA to Ao to AA to AO. (lol)
We're in our early 40's. I've always been turned on by anal since college, but beyond rimming girls I didn't get much anal action through my later 20's and 30's. When I started dating my future wife our chemistry was through the roof, but it was strictly oral and vaginal sex at first. She had no anal experience at all. As trust grew we would sometimes role play, which led to her enjoying being spanked, dirty talk, until one day I rimmed her ass for the first time and it blew her mind. Then one night we decided to watch some porn together (which we'd never done), and when a hot sex scene turned to some tasteful anal she got really turned on. That led to our first mind blowing anal sex that night, and we both loved it. Full depth, no pain, and once she got going she wanted it hard. That was maybe 3 years ago. Let's call this AE: "anal experience"
After that, anal would happen once in a while, maybe on special occasions, when away on vacation, maybe after a night of drinking, etc. Let's say once every few months, and always with good results. If she was drinking it was more likely, as it was less painful for her with the muscles relaxed, while the greater intensity of anal turned her on more when her pussy was "drunk" and less sensitive. We were in OA: "occasional anal".
Somewhere in here I discovered the concept of the anal only lifestyle and this site, which definitely planted a seed in my mind! I should mention that often we were skipping her pussy and just going to anal when it happened. I should also say that she's never touched her clit, and just enjoyed the anal sex even without her climaxing. Our honeymoon included a lot of anal, so I was a very happy newly-wed!
Over say the last 6 months now the frequency of our anal sex has really increased, including lots of dirty talk during anal about how hot it is, how much we like it, her ass being built for it, etc. Then we turned a corner maybe a month ago where we can have anal with no pain for her during warm up with no booze, and multiple times in a row. She said that it "just feels comfortable now", and that "she never though we'd get here.", meaning that this was a good thing. I had also got her a small butt plug that we've just used in bed once and a while to add a little double penetration action before moving to anal later. We are currently in Ao: "anal often"! (Fall 2018) The little "o" is intentional, haha.
There has been some moments of 2 steps forward, 1 step back, where she complained that I only want her ass, or can't cum in her pussy, and I'm sure she's struggled with coming to terms with her enjoyment of anal at times. So in these instances I've always sort of held back on initiating anal, reassured her that I love her and her whole body, that it's not weird or a power thing, it's just something we're enjoying. This has helped and each time I've let her re-prompt me to do anal on her timeline. Typically she initiates anal under the guise of this being a treat or reward for me, but I dirty talk back that it's really a treat for her and for us...
The next phases I'm dreaming of are AA: "anal always", and hopefully one day AO, and we all know what that stands for. Anal always for me means that even with vaginal sex we always finish up in her ass, which would be amazing. Beyond the overall superior sensation we have a 18 month old baby and from a practical sense I'm into the idea of using anal for birth control as well, rather than me getting snipped or her staying on the pill. I know its not fool-proof, but as we're getting older I'd think the likelihood of accidental pregnancy would be slim.
Any advice on moving to "anal always" and "anal only" is much appreciated! One idea I had was to suggest to my wife that during the time of the month we strictly do anal. Also, I thought of focusing on helping her achieve orgasm during anal, whether clitoral or if we're lucky anal orgasms. I wouldn't be upset if she touched herself during anal if it meant her climaxing and associating that with her ass. Finally, now that our baby sleeps well through the night she recently mentioned that she misses some of our role playing / light S&M nights, so we're due to do this more often, and I will be making anal eroticism a core focus of the role play.
I know that it's "No Pussy November" right now, but at this point things are going so well that I don't really want to let on to her about the anal only lifestyle concept being a thing that's out there. I'm a little worried that she'd maybe look it up and would get turned off by the sort of anti-pussy side of things, clit and orgasm denial, ass to mouth, etc. I'm sure that it would come off as being too misogynistic for her - no offense intended to anyone who's into these aspects. Those aren't desires on my radar either, I just love anal sex.
I feel that perhaps just being patient and allowing time to take it's course naturally may be the answer. It sounds like many people on here had moved to the AA "anal always" phase of always finishing with anal, until one day they felt that the vaginal portion of their sex routine was a waste of time and worth skipping.
I know this was a major post, so thank you for reading! Hoping to join the ranks of anal only marriages out there one day!
All the best,
Everyone who comes across this site wants to go for it then. And yes, it's worth for!
Your story is very similar to others here: experienced couple is developing his sexlife to a higher level.
The major reason for us to make this step was the additional benefit of anal sex as natural birth control. As soon as my wife abandoned hormonal birth control we checked in for an anal only month. And we succeeded! And it works fine.
So welcome and keep it going, youre on the right way ...
I'm on a similar path as you and your wife, but still in the first few steps of exploring anal as part of our usual activities. We still haven't had anal sex yet, but I'm hopeful that will happen soon, based on how we've been progressing.
One thing I have noticed and seems consistent with some other women's perspective on this forum is that I think my wife will be much more willing to take that step when she is really turned on, which seem to happen (naturally) mid-cycle for her. So it helps me keep in tune with her, to be ready to step things up a bit in the bedroom.