My wife and I are in our 40s, married for 13 years now with three little kids (ages 10, 7, 5). Our times for uninterrupted intimacy are limited to say the least.
I first got into anal in my 20s with girlfriends at the time. One girlfriend I lived with seemed to enjoy anal sex more than anything else. She probably would have embraced this AO concept! Another girlfriend introduced me to receiving anal pleasure by fingering me.
That was all over 20 years ago. My wife has never seemed interested in exploring this and I didn’t push it as I was very content with our sex life and we were both very busy with kiddos, jobs, etc. But it was still something that I was interested in, still something I would fantasize about.
But in the last year, everything has changed! And suddenly, anal play is now a regular part of what we do.
This all started just about a year ago. My wife has long known that I adore her ass, so she’ll often switch to rear-entry to finish up sex since she knows it will put me over the edge. During one of these sessions, I got a little bolder and instead of just running my hands across her rear or circling her anus with my finger, I gently inserted my thumb into her ass as we were going at it. This was definitely something new, so I asked, “Is this ok?” and she replied that it was (which of course pretty much triggered my orgasm.) But verbally getting that OK was huge for me in that I didn’t feel like I was trying to sneak into her backdoor.
A couple of months later we had a weekend getaway for ourselves and while giving my wife a long, slow erotic massage, I stepped it up a notch to include to some deep anal fingering. And she was definitely enjoying it! I ordered some finger cots and that made a huge difference for her. She’s very into hygiene, cleanliness, etc. and the finger cots seemed to allay any concerns about our anal activities being “dirty.” She returned the favor to me with a long massage and fingering.
It then became much easier to continue this at home, so I would often slip a finger cot on while eating her out, to add some anal probing to the experience.
I purchased a set of those jeweled butt plugs and showed her and she kind of rolled her eyes (!) After more research, I found the Njoy products and ordered a larger butt plug. We didn’t get a chance to try these out until later in the spring. But then in a whirlwind series of nights, my wife tried all but the largest plug, settling on the Njoy one -- and we had vigorous sex while she had this in. And on one of those nights, she got on all fours so I could perform analingus on her -- talk about a dream come true!
And just the other night, while kiddos were doing a sleepover away, we had a great session with a beautiful long steel dildo that has a beaded end. I was amazed at how deep my wife took it in her ass and again she returned the favor on me, while sucking me off.
I definitely think she’ll be open to anal sex after seeing how easily she took that dildo and I’ve already purchased a set of condoms if that helps ease her mind. Beyond that, I have lots of other things I’d like to try: simultaneous dildo play while in a 69 and sharing a double dildo ass-to-ass while we masturbate, for instance. We are heading away next week for a trip alone for a few nights, so I'm hoping we can continue to forge ahead with our anal exploration.
I guess the biggest revelation (and joy) about all of this is that it’s not like I have to hope for a special occasion where my wife will “let me” have anal sex with her, which is how I’d always imagined it would be. Instead, I’m over the moon that we both know that anal play can now be part of any kind of sexual tryst that we have.
Married for almost 14 years and now every night I can’t wait to get my hands on my wife. And really, I think it’s this openness to anal which has triggered this for both of us. I don't see us headed to AO as in "anal only" but I'm enjoying the AO of "anal often."
We got the kiddos to bed last night and my wife and I snuggled up with the lights off, talking about this and that. She was turned away from me as she often is due to shoulder discomfort -- which I now don’t mind at all! I started rubbing her back with one hand and then slipped my other hand under her pajama bottom to start rubbing her rear end. She said, “Ok, that’s a little too much. Pick one thing to rub: my shoulder or my bum.” Was not a hard decision to make!
So as we talked, I massaged her ass cheek slowly. I started working my hand downward, with my thumb leading the way. And then slowly, I moved my hand inward until I could sense my thumb was just at her anus. Now in the past, she would probably have put an end to this right at that point, most likely by rolling over or maybe even verbally telling me that was enough. But as has been the case in this wonderful year, she seemed completely ok with where I was.
As I slowly moved my thumb onto her anus, our conversation came to a close. I continued massaging her ass cheek with my fingers and then responded to the occasional pulsing/contraction of her anus by matching that rhythm with my thumb. I could feel her anus open slightly with this motion.
After 5, 10 minutes of this, I could hear her heavy breathing and soon enough, I could tell she was asleep. And I should say, she’s fallen asleep during some lengthy nipple massages and such, so this does not offend or bother me in the least.
I continued rubbing and massaging her rear and her anus for a good 30-40 minutes maybe, though it’s hard to say because I was drifting in and out of sleep myself. I could feel from the touch, that any further entry of my thumb would require some lube. I have lube and finger cots at the bedside table, but reaching over for those would result in my wife waking up and (I know) rolling over to end this moment, so I just drifted along to enjoy it. And I have to say, I felt a near euphoria as I thought about the situation: here I was, next to my beautiful wife and she was freely offering me her anus to play with.
Finally, with my arm getting tired, she roused a bit to shift position, and I removed that hand and embraced her with my other arm, with hand clutching one of her breasts. And we fell asleep that way.
Was a wonderful way to close my day and as I thought about it this morning, I realized it truly was an “anal only” experience!
So our first night away in a long time gave us a chance to talk a bit about where we are sexually. I’ve read many accounts on this forum that preach the importance of strong open communication. I asked my wife if there was anything she wanted us to do, since I’d been the ringleader with initiating new things in the last year. She said she was fine with that being the case but she did want to point out how much she liked getting attention at her neck, whether kissing or biting. Now, I’ve known this since we first got together, that some neck attention gets my wife going from 0 to 60.
She prefaced talking about this by saying, “Well, I know you’re obsessed with my butt…” and it was nice for her to acknowledge that in the open! As I said in my first post, this openness to anal in the last year has been amazing. So I gave her some neck loving and we had a really nice session of lovemaking. I let her kind of take the lead, so there was no ass play that night.
The next night I had a big set piece planned. I made “69 kits” for us that consisted of a large silicone anal screw type dildo ( with a handle) and individual bottles of lube and finger cots. The idea was that we would begin with a typical 69 and then add some anal fingering before working the butt screws in. But I don’t think I communicated it well to my wife and in fact, I had visualized this so many times, I think I was a little too eager.
So I showed our new toys to my wife and she was game to try. She suggested I get on top as she was afraid she would “crush” me (she’s self conscious of her weight but I weigh more than her!) So we got in position and I think she misunderstood the overall intent, which was to start with oral as a regular 69 before adding the anal element. Instead, my wife lubed up her dildo and started working it in my ass. So I did the same with mine even though I had just started licking her pussy. I wanted to suggest she take my cock in her mouth but it’s not the easiest position in which to converse! After a bit, she admitted the screw wasn’t doing much for her in her ass (I hadn’t inserted much of it) but she was happy to continue to work hers into my ass. But it was obvious it wasn’t doing much for either of us, so we stopped and moved onto some rear entry sex.
I felt like I had really muffed things up by not communicating the plan better and I was worried it might be a setback for us with anal experimenting. A couple days later we were packing up to leave and my wife found the black plastic bags that the butt screws came in. “Do you want to save these bags to put those in?”, she asked and I was instantly relieved that she wasn’t bothered by the reminder of them.
And then it got me thinking again at how much has changed in just the last year. Just one year ago, if I told my wife, “I got us a pair of matching anal dildos with handles and I want us to get in a 69 position so we can simultaneously work them into each other’s asses,” she would have said “Hell no” or looked at me like I was crazy. But when faced with this a couple of weeks ago, my beautiful wife instead said, “Ok, but you should be on top.” That IS progress I think!
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My wife and I had a surprise night to ourselves the other night when kiddos did a sleepover at grandma’s and it gave us more time for intimacy and conversation. It was a really fun night! I brought up the failed “69 kits” experiment and we laughed about that. I gave her a nice long massage with attention to all of her hotspots: neck, breasts, pussy and ass. We tried out a new g-spot vibrator on her and then watched some porn together. She stroked my cock and played with my nipples while we talked about how just insanely turned on I’ve been this past year due to our anal play.
My wife said she knows that many people enjoy anal sex and said she’s open to try it. We joked that I’ll probably last just a few seconds since it’s something I’ve fantasized about so much. She said she wants to feel better in terms of overall health before we go down that path (we both feel the need to lose some weight and she’s been plagued with some frequent heartburn.)
After what was then hours of massage, sensual foreplay and masturbation, we finished our night by finally having sex. As my wife got on her knees so I could take her from behind, I felt such euphoria about our sex life. In the past, I would “secretly” admire my wife’s ass in this position. But now, in celebration of our openness to anal, I withdrew a couple of times to enthusiastically tongue her anus.
I’m giddy with the knowledge that yes, we’ll finally be having anal sex in 2019!
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But we’ve remain very open with each other and I’m getting a better understanding of what gets my wife going, in the hope of adding anal sex to our marriage. And really it’s not rocket science: once she gets fired up, aroused and active, she seems game for anything. My wife knows I’m obsessed with her ass and she knows I want to have anal sex, so I don’t have to introduce that topic anymore. It’s when I *start* with anal play that she gets reluctant and too focused on it. I’ve been so anal focused that when we do start getting intimate my mind is already racing there, so I’ve been better at just letting things flow. And really, once things get rolling, she seems game for including anal play -- it’s just the challenge of finding the kid-free time to get that ball rolling.
I recently surprised her with some new lingerie and she was eager to try it on. It’s a well made soft lace piece, kind of a romper, with an open crotch and open ass. She loves it! Said it’s her favorite piece that I’ve gotten for her. So of course that led to some fooling around and finally to my preferred 69 position with her on top of me. The open design of the romper gave me full access to tongue her pussy and also let me spread her cheeks to get up close to her anus.
We started having sex with her on her back on the edge of the bed, legs up. I sensed this could be a good position to try anal so I went to my drawer of toys to get a condom. When she saw that’s what I had, she just calmly said, “Oh, you want that to switch back and forth.” I didn’t even get the condom on because this casualness about getting fucked in the ass sent me over the edge. I was just able to start pounding her pussy again before I came.
That was last week.
I’m happy to report that last night -- in a similar situation, we finally, finally, finally, had anal sex!
And really it was a culmination of the great communication we’ve established. Kiddos were asleep and we were in bed with the lights out when my wife initiated things by stroking me. I started to finger her and noticed she was already very wet. We continued this for a while and then got into some heavy, passionate kissing which we haven’t done in ages. I got up and positioned her on her back on the edge of the bed -- same position as last week -- to start having sex. Again, I was very turned on, so I took breaks to kneel down and tongue her pussy, which she was enjoying.
Not wanting to miss another opportunity, I went and put a condom on and she said she was game to try some anal explorations. I’m not a fan of condoms and sure enough it was sapping things a bit, so I took it off and lubed up my cock and my finger. I went back to licking her pussy but added some deep anal fingering. She was moaning, so I knew that was a good sign.
Finally, I propped her up on a pillow to get better access. Working together, I slid my cock into her ass. I took it very slow so as not to cause discomfort or pain. I’ve read so many instances and accounts that stress how an initial bad experience can turn someone off to anal. So imagine how surprised I was when she asked, “Are you in my ass?” Now, I’m no Dirk Diggler, but I’m pretty good sized when at full attention!
I took it very slow, no hard pounding, but just some gentle thrusting. I couldn’t hold on much longer -- this was after all the culmination of years of fantasizing -- so as I felt myself come, I quickly withdrew to shoot onto her leg (and my pillow…) She was surprised that I pulled out. “You’re not going to get me pregnant!” she joked. She then added, “Next time we do this on your side of the bed!”
I cleaned us both up with a nearby t-shirt and then my wife said the most refreshing thing: “That didn’t hurt at all!” We both took turns to clean up in the bathroom before snuggling back into bed. My wife seemed interested now in the logistics of anal sex, musing, “You kind of have to plan for it… and you can’t start with it and then have vaginal sex… so you’d have to end with it.”
So here we are. It seems like anal sex is now an option for us and I couldn’t be happier. I’m thrilled that my wife has been open to this journey over the last 18 months and I’m looking forward to us exploring this new chapter together.