Introducing myself

[Robert]

Hi all, I'm Rob. I've been reading this board for some time now and decided I should finally sign up.

I've set my status to "curious" but the reality is that I'm looking for advice on how to proceed. I'm not anal only yet but that's my ultimate goal and I'm hoping you lot have some experience to offer a newbie like myself.

For background, I'm late twenties, in a long-term relationship. For just over a year my girlfriend and I have been having anal sex, but only every week to ten days. She was my first anal partner but she had done so with an ex. It took many attempts to persuade her to do so with me but once we'd done so she agreed to make it a regular part of our "activities". For me just getting to try anal fulfilled a long held dream and was even better than I even hoped. Now I'm at the stage where I would rather not continue with vaginal sex at all and each time we do have sex anal is on my mind. I've not declared my ambition to her yet and am not even sure how to go about it or how she would react.

That's about all I can think of for now. Looking forward to joining in all the discussions.

[analsexonly]

Welcome!

Personally, before I brought it up, I'd spend quite a while doing everything you can to make sure that the times you do have anal sex with her are immensely pleasurable to her, so it's something she really enjoys doing and actively wants. From there, you can gradually try to increase the frequency with which you have anal. I don't think it's generally going to work to jump from having anal every week to ten days to fully going anal only, unless both partners share the same desire up front.

[marcus]

Hello Rob. I agree with most of what analsexonly said, especially about making anal all about her pleasure, not necessarily your own.

It took many attempts to persuade her to do so with me but once we'd done so she agreed to make it a regular part of our "activities".

That's normal. Often initial fear and reluctance gives way once they see that it isn't as bad as they had thought it would be. Count this as a success, this is as far as most men will ever get, having regular anal sex every week or so.

Now I'm at the stage where I would rather not continue with vaginal sex at all and each time we do have sex anal is on my mind.

I totally sympathise with you. It is a dreadful thing to be having sex with the one you love, but not in the way that feels most natural to you.

I've not declared my ambition to her yet and am not even sure how to go about it or how she would react.

I would be very careful of actually suggesting anything of the kind. Be patient, and for now just see if you can slowly increase the frequency of anal. I do think it is perfectly acceptable, however, to confess that anal is your preference. Tell her how great it makes you feel and how special it is that the two of you share that.

[Robert]

Thanks.

What kind of things would you all recommend to make our anal sessions extra good for her? It's not like she doesn't enjoy it when we do. In fact it's almost certain that she'll get at least one very good orgasm. Any other kind of sex and she struggles to get there so it doesn't make sense that she won't have anal more often

[urabus]

Robert,

From my experience, use of butt plugs are a great way get into it. They are geat as foreplay and help for any longterm desire for anal sex because it sort of trains the muscles.

[Robert]

Robert,

From my experience, use of butt plugs are a great way get into it. They are geat as foreplay and help for any longterm desire for anal sex because it sort of trains the muscles.

Urabus sorry I'm completely ignorant about plugs. What should I look for? Any recommendations? I know this may sound silly but how would we go about using them? Do we just pop it in a little bit before sex? Or are they meant to stay in most of the day?

[the2beans]

Robert,

From my experience, use of butt plugs are a great way get into it. They are geat as foreplay and help for any longterm desire for anal sex because it sort of trains the muscles.

Urabus sorry I'm completely ignorant about plugs. What should I look for? Any recommendations? I know this may sound silly but how would we go about using them? Do we just pop it in a little bit before sex? Or are they meant to stay in most of the day?

It varies from couple to couple. Some people love them, some say they don't see the point. Some use them for prep, some for long-term play.

My wife and I use them every time as a warm-up. As foreplay gets going, I will slide a plug into her and then resume with things like backrubbing and stuff so she can get very well relaxed for the main event. We start with a plug that's about 2/3rds my size and this helpers her anus relax and get used to that size before she accepts me. Long-term wear is not necessary, but may be desired for other reasons than preparation. Last week she put on her plug before I got home and we ended up lounging in the living room together for an hour or more before we went to the bedroom. She noticed that the extra time wearing it (even though it's not a very large plug) did have a marked effect on loosening her up for sex. Typically we use the plugs for 5-10 minutes at most and it just helps to make the initial penetration easier. Within a minute or two it's just good times.

[urabus]

I agree with the2beans. And to add, there are a range of not only sizes, but shapes too. Some are bulb shaped that are initially more difficult to insert and potentially have a better stretch. Some are more slender and penetrate deeper. Basically for longer term wear the 'neck' of a plug needs to be quite thinner than the body and base of the plug. Just with any anal play, use enough lube.

Perhaps this topic needs a thread of its own.

[taylork]

Welcome Robert.

That sounds just where i was with my gf, having anal about once a week but thinking about it every time we had sex.
Other people leave it at that but we know know vaginal sex can never be as good.

Don't be waiting on your gf to change. You have to do something about. In my case she agreed to a trial month of anal only but that changed her view on sex completely after.

Wish you the best of luck.

[Robert]

Would this be ok to start out with? http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16053
The description says ideal for beginners and I don't want to spend too much if she doesn't like it. Then again I don't want to have to spend more later on something better.