Hello everyone, I'm glad I found you.
Even before I lost my virginity I knew I preferred a woman's ass to her vagina. Just something about it seemed so erotic, so tantalizing, so dominant. I didn't actually share this with anyone until, well, now. That's not to say I never expressed my desire for anal to my wife. I worked up the courage to broach the subject at some point before we got married, but she was highly resistant to the idea.
Overtime, we got married, and a few year later she eventually tried it, and after a few sessions found she likes it, but only when she's beyond horny. She's a one and done type of girl when it comes to Os, and when she's that turned on she becomes a two pump chump when it comes to vaginal intercourse, so she goes with anal to keep the session going longer, before finally having a screaming anal orgasm. This would happen a hand full of times a year.
Fast forward, we have our first child, and sex drops to four times a month on a good month, two much more common, and one not unheard of. It was a tough few years because despite being near forty, I still have the libido of an adolescent. For awhile I resigned myself to that's just how life is. But then at some point I had an awakening. I realized how profoundly unhappy I was with the situation, how resentful I was becoming as a result, and most importantly, it was all my fault. I had let myself go, mentally and physically, and my wife lost her attraction for me. She still loved me, but I just didn't have that spark.
So I set on a crusade to improve myself. I dropped nearly 20 lbs and 5% bodyfat. I gave up a lot of the passive behaviors that made me an unbearable husband. I started being more playful. I started being more assertive with sex, and more dominant in the bedroom. She's been eating it up. Sex is now 4-5 times a week (a number I can live with, but am still working to increase), and anal is at least a weekly occurrence. So, now I want to work on making her an anal only girl.
Besides my overall preference for anal, there's something about making her give up her pussy that really appeals to my inner dom. It appeals to my sense of her being my partner in life, but slave in bed. Maybe that goes against the general philosophy here, but it's the kink that's in my head these days. The other night we had a particularly hot session, where we skipped vaginal intercourse all together and she consented to letting me train her ass to always be ready for me, since it takes a lot of prework to get her ass ready for me. I then reinforced it after the session to ensure she was serious and not just roleplaying as we were involved in some light roleplay at the time.
Today I ordered a set of plugs, and figured I'd start from there. I'm open to any advice people have. I'm not ready to spring the AO aspect of my intentions on her, first I want her loving anal and have several AO sessions in a row organically before I plant the conscious thought in her mind.
Anyway, thanks for reading, and being here. It's good to know there's like minded individuals out there.
Reviving a dead bedroom and want to go anal only
Re: Reviving a dead bedroom and want to go AO
Hello and welcome to the forum Futon.
I believe just sharing this desire, that often we cannot even do with our trusted lifelong partner, is a therapy in itself. I think carrying this around for years thinking it's just ourselves forces us to keep a lid on our feelings. From what you've said you seem quite self aware; acknowledging your own faults, and trying to address them. If you are also as perceptive as to your wife's needs then that will undoubtedly go a long way to reviving the "dead bedroom".
You are absolutely not alone in finding your sex life diminished after having children. I don't think there's a couple out there who hasn't had the same. The following months and early years are the most difficult. The important thing to bear in mind is you both have a more important priority, but with determination it does get better. I'd say now that 4-5 times a week is excellent! Not many couples with children and in their 30s/40's could say the same. Weekly anal is also pretty good compared to the average - but of course we aren't the average kind of person and I understand your reasonable desire to increase this.
A word of advice. I don't think you can impose AO, but only awaken the desire within another. It's a journey you make together, if at all. We also diverge on opinion about giving up vaginal. While you see it as her giving up her pussy, as in some kind of erotic denial, I see it for what it gives, not takes away. Whilst I admit to never really loving vagina's I still feel some affection and attachment to that purely feminine charm. Going AO I see more like outgrowing and old friend; growing up; moving on.
You are probably right to keep your intentions regarding this to yourself for the time being, until you are surer of her feelings. Just work on making your anal love-making the best it can be.
One question: What is the lengthy prep work you mention her anus needs to be ready for you?
As for plugs, I have no experience, though others here do. Many report great success with them.
Best of luck.
I believe just sharing this desire, that often we cannot even do with our trusted lifelong partner, is a therapy in itself. I think carrying this around for years thinking it's just ourselves forces us to keep a lid on our feelings. From what you've said you seem quite self aware; acknowledging your own faults, and trying to address them. If you are also as perceptive as to your wife's needs then that will undoubtedly go a long way to reviving the "dead bedroom".
You are absolutely not alone in finding your sex life diminished after having children. I don't think there's a couple out there who hasn't had the same. The following months and early years are the most difficult. The important thing to bear in mind is you both have a more important priority, but with determination it does get better. I'd say now that 4-5 times a week is excellent! Not many couples with children and in their 30s/40's could say the same. Weekly anal is also pretty good compared to the average - but of course we aren't the average kind of person and I understand your reasonable desire to increase this.
A word of advice. I don't think you can impose AO, but only awaken the desire within another. It's a journey you make together, if at all. We also diverge on opinion about giving up vaginal. While you see it as her giving up her pussy, as in some kind of erotic denial, I see it for what it gives, not takes away. Whilst I admit to never really loving vagina's I still feel some affection and attachment to that purely feminine charm. Going AO I see more like outgrowing and old friend; growing up; moving on.
You are probably right to keep your intentions regarding this to yourself for the time being, until you are surer of her feelings. Just work on making your anal love-making the best it can be.
One question: What is the lengthy prep work you mention her anus needs to be ready for you?
As for plugs, I have no experience, though others here do. Many report great success with them.
Best of luck.
Re: Reviving a dead bedroom and want to go AO
Wise words, thank you.
By prep I mean lots and lots of fingering and conscious relaxation followed by very slow penetration that she controls via the cowgirl position and several minutes of not moving once I'm inside. After ten minutes or so I can finally move her around and change positions somewhat, but if I slip out it's never easy to get back in. It's all well worth it, but I'm seeking to shortcut that whole process a little bit to give us the option for more varied approaches and positions.
By prep I mean lots and lots of fingering and conscious relaxation followed by very slow penetration that she controls via the cowgirl position and several minutes of not moving once I'm inside. After ten minutes or so I can finally move her around and change positions somewhat, but if I slip out it's never easy to get back in. It's all well worth it, but I'm seeking to shortcut that whole process a little bit to give us the option for more varied approaches and positions.
Re: Reviving a dead bedroom and want to go AO
Hello futon. Like marcus says, you're doing good with the frequency of sex. I guess once a week anal for most people isn't bad, but why have that if you can have anal only all the time.
I reckon you'll have results with those plugs you ordered. My girlfriend was quite excited by the idea, as to her it just seemed like bringing something else into the bedroom, not necessarily more anal sex. I don't think she initially associated the two in the same way I would do. So I got to do a lot more anal play with her without her thinking it was a demand for anal sex and so she relaxed more. Just start out small would be my advice and work your way up both in size and how long you leave it in. Simply seeing it in there is a major turn on for me and I think you'll find the same.
You can make the fingering and prep into something by itself - I LOVE fingering and exploring my girls anus. If it doesn't bother you, you could try licking and putting your tongue up her ass, as my girl loves that and finds it a relaxing prep.
I reckon you'll have results with those plugs you ordered. My girlfriend was quite excited by the idea, as to her it just seemed like bringing something else into the bedroom, not necessarily more anal sex. I don't think she initially associated the two in the same way I would do. So I got to do a lot more anal play with her without her thinking it was a demand for anal sex and so she relaxed more. Just start out small would be my advice and work your way up both in size and how long you leave it in. Simply seeing it in there is a major turn on for me and I think you'll find the same.
You can make the fingering and prep into something by itself - I LOVE fingering and exploring my girls anus. If it doesn't bother you, you could try licking and putting your tongue up her ass, as my girl loves that and finds it a relaxing prep.
Re: Reviving a dead bedroom and want to go AO
welcome futon,
sounds like you went through what many have in your marriage.
the kid thing rang similar to what the lovely and talented mrs. cornhole and i went through. my feeling was that we are hardwired to slow down the sex during those years for a reason. i don't even remember it bothering me too much at the time to only have sex once a week or so.
it would kill me now.
anyway,
sounds like you have put her at the front of the line and that will get you farther in your quest than any kind of manipulation of her sex habits. if she cares about your needs as much as you care about hers then nature will take it's course. if she's one of those anal only girls then only she can figure that out and make that decision. you can help but if it's not in the cards then nothing you can do will change that.
thumbs up on the analigus though. wifee eats that shit up!
sounds like you went through what many have in your marriage.
the kid thing rang similar to what the lovely and talented mrs. cornhole and i went through. my feeling was that we are hardwired to slow down the sex during those years for a reason. i don't even remember it bothering me too much at the time to only have sex once a week or so.
it would kill me now.
anyway,
sounds like you have put her at the front of the line and that will get you farther in your quest than any kind of manipulation of her sex habits. if she cares about your needs as much as you care about hers then nature will take it's course. if she's one of those anal only girls then only she can figure that out and make that decision. you can help but if it's not in the cards then nothing you can do will change that.
thumbs up on the analigus though. wifee eats that shit up!
Re: Reviving a dead bedroom and want to go AO
Welcome futon. Your in good hands here and i've seen so great advice from the others. If your really lucky then your wife will be a natural who's open to new ideas and is willing to do what is best for you both. If she laps up you being the dominant one then even better as you can lead with the anal and introduce more over time.
What you could also try is a trial month of anal only as this helped alot for me and my gf. Also try positive reinforcement which has been covered before here in the forum.
What you could also try is a trial month of anal only as this helped alot for me and my gf. Also try positive reinforcement which has been covered before here in the forum.
