nopussy wrote:marcus wrote:prettypink wrote: But now that we can be direct with one another he's confessed that anal is now his preference.
It is a brave step for most people. It did take time for me to be open and honest with my wife. Though now that seems ridiculous as I'm sure she knew very well.
The first time my girlfriend asked me whether I preferred the front or back door, I gave a response along the lines of "well they're both different, they've each got their advantages, so I guess I like them the same." I was worried that she might feel upset if I liked something more than her vagina (I guess I assumed that the vagina has a lot of psychological importance for many women). She responded with something like: "really? I thought you liked my arse best." She didn't mind at all, and obviously from that point I was open about my preference.
If you're in a long-term relationship with someone, and you're open about sex, it's probably going to be obvious to them what your turn-ons are.
I've made this point often with a number of those I've helped work toward an anal only lifestyle. And that is, she almost certainly knows what your preference is. More than that, she probably wants to give in to your preference. Most women feel sexy when their men are so turned on by them. When they feel sexy, it makes them feel desired. Most want to do those things that bring this about. If she knows that, by having anal sex, it causes you to desire her more and bring you closer together, this is what she will desire.
Still, so many people are afraid to express their desire to their mate. I know this was true in my own relationship. Even through my wife and I had progressed to a point where I rarely penetrated her vaginally, and then seemed like it was only perfunctory, we were not anal only. It was my wife who broached the subject by asking me if I minded if we didn't have vaginal sex. In discussing our anal only lifestyle it became clear my wife would have readily agreed to anal only years before... years. As we rarely had vaginal sex anyway, it wouldn't seem making the commitment would make much of a difference, but it did. Agreeing to forgo vaginal sex freed her to express her desire for anal sex and made her feel secure in the fact that is what I desired as well, and that she could provide it for me. Our sex life was re-energized. She was able to enjoy anal sex more and the frequency in which we were having sex increased from and average of three times a week to five times a week.
This is why I encourage those in a relationship who are already having anal sex much of the time, and who's mate enjoys the experience, to express your desire for an anal only lifestyle. Even if she (or he) doesn't immediately agree to it, they know what your desire is and know they are free to choose the same when or if they feel the same way. As well, if your significant other knows what you desire, and they want to please you, they are more likely to provide you that.
My wife and I actually regret not discussing it earlier. She struggled with the feeling she should be having vaginal sex. Even though she knew anal sex was my preference, she felt like I might think less of her if she expressed a desire to forgo vaginal sex altogether, when nothing could have been farther from the truth. As well, she admits there was a social conditioning that took place her entire life that interfered with her giving into the desire for anal sex. Like most, her entire life she had been told anal sex was wrong, or gross, or that only sluts have anal sex. Thankfully she was able to overcome this and discuss her desire with me.