Is monogamy mandatory? (Alias: Jealousy is Nonsense)

[Haunter]

Here I come, as promised...

After I mentioned in my introductory presentation, in my vision of Love, Jealousy is something Nonsense. Here I quote myself:

{
Now I've changed my point of view at the root. In fact now in my opinion love should be a network of bounds between two people each, without any constraint and where Jealously is completely to be abolished, in fact I think it is completely nonsense: if my partner is willing to couple with another man or woman she likes, then the only feeling filling me should be happiness for her, and nothing else. Freedom and sincerity would be fundamental values as well.
}

I respect monogamy but think that, likewise mentioned above, love would be better if it were more free, therefore with no fixed couples. It would be a revolution, I know, and maybe many of you don't agree with me from the start, but I would be VERY CURIOUS to read your thoughts here. Please let me know them

[DanishCouple]

In my opinion, playing with feelings is dangerous and unpredictable, but that doesn't mean that monogamy is mandatory for us. We both have a kink that involves having sex with other people, although we haven't done it in real life yet, but when we do, we won't allow any feelings stronger than sexual chemistry, sympathy and friendship in extramarital relationships - it must be sex for fun, nothing else. This is not as easy as it sounds, and it takes a very strong and very honest relationship with perfect communication skills to be able to do it safely. But no matter what, we will still be playing with fire, and we risk to get burned.

By the way - referring to the main subject of this website - my wife doesn't want to have anal sex with other men, only with me. She wants it to be our special thing.

[yosemitesspam]

There are two kinds of jealousy. One kind just needs to be hit over the head--the one that says, "x left me and he/she/whatever isn't going to be with anyone else if I can help it."

The other kind is protective, like a good husband or wife rising up to protect their marriage against someone who threatens it. That kind, we need more of.

Cheers

YS

[MissChief]

Polyamory is definitely not for me. People can do whatever they want to do but I don't like to share. Maybe that sounds possessive or creepy? I just really like the trust and commitment of a monogamous relationship and the idea of somebody else completing you so much that you don't need or want anyone else.

[FarmerDan]

I think people who don't know any better confuse polyamory with promiscuity.

Polyamory is not a licence to have sex with anyone you come across, it's almost the reverse. It means having a meaningful relationship with two or more other people at the same time.

Now, maintaining a good relationship with one other person is a big challenge for most of us. For each person you add the degree of difficulty goes up exponentially. Every tiny facet has to be planned, discussed, consented to, and executed exactly according to the plan. For example, you may be required to forgo oral (or anal) sex with one partner in order to gain the approval of the other.

The few individuals I've come across who have made this work have colossal respect and admiration for each other.

On the other hand if you get your partner's approval to fuck anybody at any time you can be pretty sure they're going to be an ex partner before long.

[FMF]

As an analogy: Does a mother love her first child any less when a second (or later) child is born?

Does a mother demand one child act EXACTLY as his or her older sibling?

As a mother, and then a grandmother, I did not.

I have loved, and been loved by the same select group of people for decades. It's wonderful.

Arbitrary boxes pigeonhole and limit us.

Mary

[Backdoorlover]

I have never in my life been jealous. I don’t even get jealousy. If I start a realtionship, I start with 100% trust. Trust and jealousy don’t mix.

Anyone who tells me he/she is jealous, yet claims to fully trust his/her partner, is lying. It doesn’t mix. Never. Ever. Forget it !

All the people I have known cheating, in my life, were of the extreem jealous types. The types that never trusted their partner, stalked them if they went out with friends and freaked if an ex was still befriended to them. Yet, the jealous partner was fucking around.

But me not being jealous has nothing to do with not wanting to have a monogomous relationship. I strive in monogomous relationships because I need that special bond with one person to have sex with her. I could never share her with other men. I respect people who really can. But at the other hand I often also see open marriages or open relationships fall apart too. I often see a relationship get the “open” status because one in the couple demands it, or manipulates the other one to go along with it. Sometimes there’s even some treath like “I can not stay with you if you don’t want to do this”

So to me (and luckily my girlfriend too) monogamy is very mandatory