i want to ask about my girlfriend,
I am looking for help i guess, i found this site after hearing her talk about having an AO relationship with her ex, she is 22, we have been together for about 6 months..in our relationship, we have mostly vaginal and oral sex, we have done anal several times and it was awesome.. i definitely prefer it..The problem is in her relationship with her ex witch was her only real relationship before us, her boyfriend was a little abusive it sounds, she has told me that he made her have Anal and oral sex with him like 95% of the time all the time they where together, he rarely touched her vagina if at all and would not allow her to either.. he also tied her up and hit her and such. she crys when she talks about it,.. she didn;t start to tell me all this until recently.. it is hard to hear. it also leaves me confused. on one hand i was looking forward to more anal sex, and i definitely noticed that she seemed resistant to it at first, but on nights when i was naturally more aggressive or drinking or whatever, she would let me, then seem really really Into it, like way more then normal witch left me with the impression she really liked it..I love her, i do not want to do something she does not want, but at the same time it almost feels like she likes it subconsciously but can not ask for it.. figuring out girls is crazy ! does anyone have any advise for me ?
It's also true in general that many women will act submissive, but only when you act dominant. They may even want to act submissive, but are wired to push your buttons and your boundaries and to do confusing things. They are wired this way to throw you off and see if you are a man, or a boy, or something less. So she acts like she doesn't want it, and maybe she kind of doesn't it, but she likes aggressive dominant men and so when you act that way, she does want it and lets you have it.
This is of course an immature woman. Most men would want a women that will just be honest, and consistent. One you can talk openly with about what you want and what she wants. Instead what you have is a drama queen whom puts on you, the bad things her ex did to her. The bad things that she allowed him to do, and that part of her probably enjoyed, while the other part of her hated it and hated herself for enjoying it.
Long story short, this girl has the wiring to become a stripper, porn star, cam girl or escort. But she's not going to make a great long term girlfriend or wife material. And you thought you were on here to get anal only advice. That said, I'd still go anal only for a little while with her and then move on.
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Instead, try to keep up the dialogue and talk with her about it. Tell her that anal is something you'd like to explore more with her, but you don't want it to be abusive, you want her to enjoy it too and have it be something you can share together. The problem with her ex is that he was abusive, not that they were anal only together. And while negative associations can form from such things, it sounds like she still does like anal, and if she's open to doing it with you and enjoying it together, you can probably help replace those negative associations with positive ones for her.
Huntermax, opinionated much? Every woman who's ever been dominated or abused should be written off by society?? it's ok to use her anally for awhile, but never respect her? She should become a stripper or sex worker because she was abused by a boyfriend??!!! You state some VERY ugly sentiments there! I would advise all women to steer clear of anyone with the attitudes you espoused.
I do agree with something the otherwise egregious first reply said. You need to focus on figuring out the woman, her needs and the effect the abuse had on her, before you worry about what kind of sex to have with her. Maybe she's a submissive or a slave or maybe she's been trained that way. Or maybe she's just a nice girl who became an abuse victim. You need to be very patient and understanding with her and help her figure out how much of that stuff she wants or needs and how much of it she hates and wants to free herself from.
I would never advise anyone to abuse another. But caring domination is DIFFERENT from abuse. If you are dominant or enjoy certain things that get her going, and she doesn't hate them, herself or you the next day, then work with her to determine what things those are and see if they are a good part of your relationship.
If you don't have patience, you are turned off by her, or you can't maintain respect for her while engaging in ways that she needs, then it might be better if you find a simpler, less complicated, vanilla relationship. But obviously if you're here, then you don't want a simple white-bread, cookie-cutter relationship. If you like each other and you both enjoy certain alternative activities, then you might be perfect for each other.
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One of the joys and rewards of anal sex - for most people - is that it requires exceptional levels of communication to attain and enjoy. The recipient requires a high level of trust in his or her partner to achieve good results. Without that I found (in my novice days) that anal can be painful even for experienced players.
You need to let her decide when she wants it, and help her see the act not just as a reward for herself, but as an extension of the intimacy between both of you. It should be kept within her control, but you can still help her navigate.