Curious about the anal only lifestyle or anal sex in general but have questions or concerns? Ask away here.
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2019 1:35 am
- Gender: Male
Had originally posted in challenges but I realize this is better suited for advice. This is my situation. I am in a long-term and happy marriage. But the one big issue in our life is the complete lack of sex. my wife had a difficult menopause and after it was over she lost all interest in sex. she accommodated me a few times but complained that it was too painful. We have not had sex for 3 or 4 years now. the good news she just announced that she was willing to try again. I know she has no libido and is doing this for me. Over the years we have had successful anal sex. She was able to orgasm with anal. And I was very careful with foreplay and stretching not to hurt her. Because of our history I want to suggest anal only as a safe alternative. Does the Forum think that it makes sense to agree to a reasonable time period for anal trial. I'm thinking a month. My thought is to avoid a total shutdown if we have a bad experience early on. I very badly want this to work.Assuming she agrees to the anal only I wonder what be the best way to rekindle her desire? I will be the one initiating sex. She will go along with it.. I don't know whether it would best to have frequent but quicker sessions to accustom her to the sensations. Maybe a slim butt plug for wearing for a time during the day?
I really appreciate any suggestions.
- Posts: 212
- Joined: Mon Nov 11, 2013 2:22 am
- Location: Canada
I suspect that your wife is the person who can best answer your questions. My thought is that you need to make sure that she is taken care of - physically and emotionally, before, during and after sex. Good communication, be thoughtful and considerate. Show love and appreciation of her for suggesting you try again, and particularly for being open to anal as an alternative. Some of the same things as before - lots of foreplay to relax and stretch her. Make sure she gets to orgasm. Afterwards continue to be loving and affectionate - ask how she feels about it, what worked best, what she'd like to try. Love and affection are your best tools. Good luck, I hope this goes really well for you both.
- Posts: 104
- Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2018 5:02 am
- Gender: Male
As above, you know your wife best. You say you have a happy marriage, but a sexless one has got to be tough on you both. The fact that she's going to try this for you and that you have had good anal in the past are two positives. I think being and appearing positive will also contribute to your success. Tread carefully and don't push for or expect to much too soon. I'd also frame it carefully and avoid terms like "anal only" but remind her her good that used to be.
I'm not sure about the frequent and quicker sessions. I guess you'll have to see how it goes and adjust from there. As for the idea of a plug, that sounds pretty advanced unless she's done so before. If it were me I'd be worried about scaring her off.
I really hope you succeed. Lets face it, sex for a man is an essential part of life, and marriage is all about give and take.
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 10:51 am
- Gender: Female
I'm sad to read about the difficult time your wife has been through. I'm not there yet but I know how hard the menopause can be. There is not really a thing such as an easy menopause. It will change a woman's world, values and sense of identity. Even though she's experiencing a loss of libido I'm sure this is painful for her as well as you as people forget that we are just as sexual beings as men. The good news is I have heard that interest in sex can return in time, though different from before.
I experienced a similar situation after the birth of our second child. I lost all interest in sex which naturally put a strain on the marriage. When we did have sex my husband was only thinking of anal, which we had introduced during the pregnancy. I don't want to go on too much about myself - only to empathize and to warn that you may both be pushing and pulling different directions with different goals in mind.
You may want to ask yourself - is trying anal only for my wife or myself? If you both agree and decide on this I know that it can be done. I didn't want to at first but pushed myself to make love 3-4 times a week until I found my groove again. This may or may not work for you two. Just be gentle with her and appreciative and she may find that she can do this and come to enjoy it. If vaginal is too painful and not an option then by all means try as it could be an answer to making her feel like a wife and woman again.