But, it’s clear that my wife is only doing it for me. She says at best it’s neutral. Even though i am able to kiss her and rub her clit, she has said that anal is something we do because she loves how it makes me feel towards her after.
While on one hand I love having anal sex with my wife, I obviously want her to feel amazing, so I need some advice on what to do to help her. I’ve suggested a butt plug which she may come around on, or maybe a vibrator although that isn’t something we’ve discussed. Knowing my wife I would think that a sex toy would be a hang up for her in general so anything to make this better without the use of a toy would be helpful.
So far, we only have anal sex in the spoon position, we both find this comfortable, not sure if another one is more apt to help bring her enjoyment (while also allowing me to rub her clit).
I love this woman, but I want anal sex to be something she enjoys so that we can both crave it.
Need help from the anal experts
We had about an 18-month journey from my first probing of my wife’s ass with my fingertip during sex to actually having anal sex. A lot of that was I think my wife opening up to her ass being a source of pleasure and also not being as concerned about it being something dirty. In the beginning that meant using finger cots and plenty of lube when fingering her. I’ve also been diligent in combining anal play with attention to her other erogenous zones: her neck for instance is ground zero for pleasure. But she’s also been learning to love her G-spot and appreciate the subtleties of nipple play. Buttplugs actually were the next step, followed by dildos - in both cases, high quality steel toys. I also have been lavishing her with sexy lingerie that have open backs instead of crotchless.
In terms of her anal pleasure we had a great experience in the weeks following our first anal sex sessions where we discovered how to massage her G-spot from inside her ass: deep fingering and rubbing of that wall on other side of her pussy. She went crazy with that and exclaimed how it was a pleasure she’d never experienced. I think that sealed the deal and really activated her ass as an erogenous zone for her. Now when we make out, I’ll zone right into her asshole and I can penetrate it without any lube! Oh and the finger cots are a thing of the past, she’s completely comfortable with having me go in as long as I’m diligent with not fingering her pussy afterwards (I keep track of which hand is doing what!)
So now our sessions usually have a smorgasbord of activity: nipple play, neck kissing, making out, ass fingering, ass licking, pussy fucking, pussy to mouth cock sucking and then ending with deep anal sex. It’s still kind of new for us really -- actual anal sex first happened less than 6 months ago, but the last few times we’ve had sex, I’ve finished in her ass everytime. One of those times she revealed she felt some distress due to just some overall stomach unease, so I made sure to let her know we don’t have to have anal sex every time if she doesn’t want to do that.
So I think it’s really communication and loving attention which has been key. It sounds like you’ve got the foundation to that based on how open your wife is to this, so I think just try different things out and see how she responds. For instance, I totally thought my wife was just tolerating me licking her ass to be a loving wife since she knows it drives me crazy. But then once when we were making out (and I was fingering her ass), I commented on how much I love doing that and she shocked me by saying, “I love when you do that too!” and sure enough now there’s lots of moaning when I’m digging my tongue into her ass. So enjoy the discovery process!
I received some comments on my thread that commended me for being so patient over the 18 months to get to actual anal sex but my feeling was I was enjoying the whole path that we were on with discovering that together. And you might hit some hiccups on the way, but like anything, you work together to get through those. Good luck!