Enjoying Anal?

[Krista]

Hi everyone,

I have had a lot of anal over the years but have never found it to be overly enjoyable physically. I get an intense satisfaction from seeing the man I am with enjoy himself and there is the mental elements of taboo and dominance that I love, but physically it has never been better then uncomfortable. Most of the time I would say it is slightly painful with the odd time being extremely so.

I am no stranger to trying new things and experimenting but thus far I have failed to find the pleasure that I know so many other women find with this. I wanna find it too.

I have done it with many different partners, with lots of lube, in different positions. I am starting to feel like I am just not built to enjoy it. Has anyone else experienced this and had it turn around on them? What did you do?

Thanks so much,

Krista

[FarmerDan]

I think you'll find your butt has come to associate anal sex with discomfort and so can't fully relax. Which of course leads to more discomfort.

Make the most of being single by some regular anal masturbation, being sure to avoid any sort of discomfort. You'll probably have to start with something quite small and build your way up.

If you have the budget, wearing NJoy plugs is also a great way to acclimatise. Start with a small one for an hour or so, then move up in size and duration.

After a while the discomfort will go away and your butt will be keen for action. Once the orgasms start to come you'll be good to go!

[Krista]

Thanks so much for the suggestions Dan. These are things I haven't thought of.

I went on line and already ordered the plug kit. And will start when they arrive.

I am excited to try this. I think what you said about my mental association not letting me relax is a big deal.

Do you think it would be an advantage to refrain from vaginal play while exploring this. Maybe to get some transference of pleasure centres?

[FarmerDan]

There will be a chorus of 'no vagina' from others around here but in the end (!) it's a matter of what works for you.

Leaving your vag alone but having the occasional clit orgasm to help keep the area happy and relaxed until you're ready for AO might be a good middle ground.

Keep us posted on your progress!

[Krista]

Yeah I was thinking that maybe playing with myself while playing analy would help cement the pathways in my brain associating the act with pleasure.

Maybe I am trying to think this through too much.

[Gwen970]

So I was raised that it was exit only back there. I had a lot of hangups so you can imagine that finally making a move in that direction, with the assistance of "good times" notwithstanding, I had a lot of apprehension. I know a lot of people respond differently but in talking to a few girlfriends that also partake and more often than not enjoy anal, there's a theme:

1. I've got to want it. It's not I need to be horny. It's that I need to want to have anal sex. For me, just a BS number but it fits, anal is 75% psychological. Your mind has to be into it. When I'm into it and want it, as in asking for it verbally instead of him suggesting it, it's so easy to cum from and it feels so much more intense. When he suggests it and I'm all, "eh, ok", it's not that it feels bad, it just doesn't feel great. I enjoy that he enjoys it and I can still cum thanks to a bullet vibrator on my clit but it wasn't as great and I could have gone without it. I've only done this once and it was my choice, not him guilting me, but I didn't want to but he really did so we did and I hated it. It did not feel good.

2. I still need foreplay. But if I know we're going to have anal, I actually have him ignore my pussy anyways. He'll start off by giving me a lengthy rimjob which is so much more sensitive if you don't play with your clit or pussy first. He has a huge analingius fetish so that's a very frequent activity to begin with but if he goes down on my pussy first and then goes to my ass, it's much less sensitive. So point being, if I know we're going to do anal, I have him (he does automatically) avoid my pussy altogether. It makes the initial rimjob much more satisfying (I'm like almost ready to cum but I just can't get there from a rimjob alone...so damn frustrating) but it seems I'm much more eager to be penetrated and I'm quicker to speed up the pace and like it a bit harder if we're 100% anal. My girlfriends are the exact same way. Our thoughts - if we start working our pussies, we just naturally gravitate there since it's "less work". Basically makes us want anal less.

So along with mentally being all in for it happening, for me I also have to avoid my clit and pussy completely. That way having him penetrate me anally is all I can think of and want.

[Krista]

So thinking that maybe a lot of this is in my head when I got a booty call text last night I thought I would try out a bit of an attitude shift.

When I suggested he come over and just have anal, wow did he show up fast. I think it goes to show how much this is a repressed notion in our society when just the mention of anal takes a guy from an 8 to a 10 in excitement.

I don't want to turn this into a sex story so I will keep to the highlights. To make things easier I have an applicator syringe thingy that I use to prelube myself. When he came over I told him right off the bat that he wasn't to touch my pussy or clit. We made out and after all the reading I have been doing on here I was definitely excited for it and wanting it.

Well, I have to admit that it was one of my better experiences, but still no real pleasure other then psychological and it was just mildly uncomfortable.

I am excited for my plugs to arrive, but worry that without a regular partner to practice this with it could be a challenge.

Here to still hoping.


Krista

[Analonely]

I think you're making a fundamental mistake when separating psychological aspects from physical ones, for this distinction is rather didactic than clear cut real. I don't think you would derive much "physical" pleasure from being fondled by a known convict murder who just barged into your house with a chainsaw in his hand or from trying to hump on a laying corpse's hard penis (I'm sorry for the graphic). Conversely, a hug from a longing loved one can be one of the most pleasurable experiences even though, if you think about it, it shouldn't be "physically" good (you're both just standing there with crossed arms).

What most people fail to realize is that lovemaking is a wholeness mutual experience, not a reciprocal one (two inert pieces rubbing against each other), so the in the vast majority of time the lack in "physical" pleasure is actually a side effect of an inability to connect with the other in a deeper and meaningful way. That's why a booty call can rarely be as good as a longed lovemaking with Prince Charming (given similar proportions). I've been with girls that came from kissing alone, others just by being played with their breasts; none of these girls had special nerve endings or receptors. Gwen970 gave a very insightful and accurate description of what it's like; I have a personal story From "anorgasmia" to pure bliss followed by a lengthy discussion on masturbation which might give you food for thought; I think you should take a look, it might prove to be very insightful.

The mechanical approach (your butt feels this, your clit feels that) is too simplistic and fails to grasp the very nature of sexual desire and pleasure, which always stems from the other (or at least it should). If you focus too much in your "physical" reactions you will be unable to give in to the whole experience of being with another person in such an intimate way; your pleasure must be, first and foremost, emotionally attached to the pleasure of the person you're making love with. You might even like the idea of whatever it is that you're doing, but if you lack the emotion it will be a void experience altogether (scarce any ideas could make you cry although many feelings easily would).

Anyway... if you happen to read the topic I linked, further the discussion to better fit your needs in here. Try to ruminate about the things I've said and if I made myself unclear, please let me know (here or by PM; it's really hard to summarize what I'm trying to convey, it would take hours and hours of writing).

Best of luck

[Krista]

The plugs I ordered came in yesterday. When I got home after work I was so excited. I had plans that evening so i didn't get to much time to play with them but I did slip the smaller one in and wear it for about 2 hours. It was pretty comfortable and I had tot go out and therefor take it out before it ever became uncomfortable at all.

[analgirl98]

Hey Krista!

Glad they turned up and you enjoyed it so far, one question though, why didn't you leave it on when you went out?