How to explain him ?

[Megara]

Hi from France
Anal IS my boyfriend's favorite way of sex (and porn too)
With my ex no anal sex si i'm was pretty afraid about it
Now i love it but he cannot undertsand that we are not in porn movie i need to be preparated before anal
I explain him that it's hurt a lot and i cannot have an orgasm in this way .he does not want use lub and je have his orgasm and doesn't matter if i had one or not .
I need your advice to have a good expérience with it and to have more and more anal sex cause the only one Time i had an orgasm with anal was a VERY good one

[Rimmer]

He needs to be more considerate than that. We have been having anal for many years and we often just use spit, but we are very used to anal sex. Every now and then (on a rare occasion) we use no lube, but very slowly and carefully. This is something for people who are more experienced and only occasionally (you will see one or two posts on the forum about it, it is not something many people do, but some do sometimes). Many people will never use no lube as they don't like it that way. You must use as much lube as you need, or you may be damaged! Tel him, "no lube no sex!" If he cums first and can't carry on or doesn't want to - and to be fair not all men can carry on or their libido drops (though not always so much with anal for some reason), if he can't carry on and just wants to enjoy his orgasm and 'afterglow' then he needs to make sure that he gives you pleasure at his expense some other time. I know it is great if you both orgasm together or if he can/will carry on until you have your orgasm, but again, sometimes a man cannot. But there should be days when he takes the time to pleasure you without him feeling the need to have his orgasm, he puts you first and you can know that this is your time. If he continues to be selfish you need to consider your options. This isn't really a question about Anal sex, it is a question of selfishness. Nip it in the bud before he thinks this behaviour is acceptable. It will be harder to deal with once he thinks the situation is the norm.

[Backdoorlover]

If he is fan of anal he should know lube is important to make it good for the one being fucked.

If he is not a fan of artificial lube, try buying coconut oil in a jar. It works perfectly, is 100% natural and tastes good. And for sale in a supermarket

[Megara]

Thank you very much for your answers when I try to explain to him that it is painful during but also sometimes several days after he has trouble understanding as long as he had what he wanted it is enough. I am not against a little pain sometimes but there no I am unable to have a real pleasure during the act which is extremely frustrating . And once he dared to answer me that in the movies (which he particularly loves) it goes by itself but I want to tell him listen we will try on you then we will see . He refuses any sex toy for the preliminaries which I think would be a great help. So I have a lot of trouble relaxing enough for it to be pleasant

[Rimmer]

He needs to understand that sex without foreplay is for people who are more used to it, who have been doing it for several years maybe. You can look forward to this in the future. Some girls like a little pain, many do not. My wife is happy for her ass to be tender for a couple of days after i have 'destroyed it' (as they say), but it is not out and out painful and does not hurt if we have just been making love anally, it is just tender if we have had a real long, hard session. In films, they may have had a warmup 'off camera' that he has not seen or they may be specialists at anal or painal, and much of it will be acting. Maybe you should get him to come on here and speak to people who actually know about anal sex between real people, not video actors. If he has a certain fetish for a certain type of anal i.e., painal, and he wants to cum and his partner not cum, some kind of dominance or denial, then there may well be people here who can understand that and guide him, there are all sorts of people here who try to not be judgmental, we all have sexual desires here that are not considered normal by the world at general but he needs to understand your needs also. You could have a month of orgasm denial, where he cums in your ass as much as he wants and you are not allowed an orgasm, but then follows a month where he has to pleasure you anyway you want and give you lots of orgasms. There are all sorts of things you can do to get your kink off, but you need to sort something that benefits you both. If he is not prepared to listen to advice or come on here and talk to others then he is hiding in the shadows of a selfish mind set.

[Colt1911]

Hi from France
Anal IS my boyfriend's favorite way of sex (and porn too)
With my ex no anal sex si i'm was pretty afraid about it
Now i love it but he cannot undertsand that we are not in porn movie i need to be preparated before anal
I explain him that it's hurt a lot and i cannot have an orgasm in this way .he does not want use lub and je have his orgasm and doesn't matter if i had one or not .
I need your advice to have a good expérience with it and to have more and more anal sex cause the only one Time i had an orgasm with anal was a VERY good one

Welcome to the forum. The best advice I can offer is for you to talk with him about your concerns. It would be great if you can work it out with him, but there are plenty of men who are willing to make the anal experience pleasant for you. It turns me on when I give my wife anal orgasms. Other men feel the same way. I’m glad you’ve discovered anal, but I hope your partner respects your wishes so you can enjoy it as much as he does. My orgasms are actually better when my wife has strong anal orgasms. Many of us are happy to offer you advice.

[Backdoorlover]

I read your messages again and I already feel a dislike for your boyfriend.

He is selfish, unconsiderate and uncaring. Using a pornmovie as his guide is prove of immatureness. Maybe you should even consider leaving him. In my experience (and I al 52) nothing good comes from guys like this.

[Megara]

He’s immature and selfish yes
I am almost 50 years old and he 44 have known each other for several years and we have been together for 4 years .
I can’t say that sex with him is unpleasant on the contrary but we only do it when he feels like it when I’m asking it is no and result we only do it once a week and again while I feel like it every day but porn he in Look daily and it is a matter of dispute between us . I have nothing against porn since I watch it occasionally but it’s every day. every actress or singer who will please him or whom we will see in a film he will look for his nude photos if he finds any. I’m pretty curvy and I’ve never had a complex with it but it ended up making me feel ugly by force . since he barely touches me and prefers videos . I have a sex toy source of conflict between us too since I quote the machines it makes addict and you don’t need that but what’s his computer for his porn?
He makes me uncomfortable every time we do anal because it’s dirty when he’s done. and that his exes were always clean and I refuse to give me an enema every day in case the gentleman feels like it.

[Backdoorlover]

Here we have it. I see no reason in indulging him any longer. You know as well as I do there are plenty of men with whom you can have a healthy, loving relationship where both partners are equals.

I would never treat my woman like your boyfriend treats you. I think guys like him should buy a sexdoll and stop ruining some woman’s life.

[Juliet]

In anal sex the one who receives should call the shots. Anal is about exploring that hidden orgasm for a women plus other kinks. Never do painal unless you have a kink for painal. It's not worth it. Put your foot down, says this is how anal with me going to work. I don't think with that kinda attitude you have mentioned, there's no other way to tell him.