Hello Everyone!

[kinkisgood]

I've been lurking this site for a couple months now, and figured I might as well introduce myself.

My wife and I are in our 30s and married almost 10 years. Our sex life has had many ebbs and flows over the years. We've had anal sex exactly twice, both times before we got married. I'm into pretty much anything kinky, and the wife is certainly a sub (being spanked makes her very wet, the harder the better) but only when she's in the mood, and that comes in phases. It's easy for us to get in ruts where sex consists of nothing but quickies.

Long, long ago she shared fantasies with me about having anal sex. As I said, we did it twice when we were much younger. But that was back when she liked to smoke pot with me. The thing about my wife is that she is a very anxious person, and she carries a lot of that in her muscles. I think nobody gives Freud's theories any credit any more but she does seem to be a classic anal-retentive type. Anyway I think the pot helped her relax when we successfully had anal way back when, but that's beside the point. Nobody is smoking pot anymore.

Anyway, after many many years of no anal play at all, recently things have picked up again. When we were doing some other bdsm type play (I had her tied up), she was playing with her vibrator after I came and she asked me to talk dirty to her. She asked me to tell her what I wanted to do with her, any fantasy I had, and I told her I wanted to be able to fuck her in the ass. And more than that, I told her that I wanted to train her ass so I'd be able to fuck her in the ass easily all the time. Well, this got her turned on quite a bit. She ended up having a very intense orgasm using her vibrator after I slid my finger in her ass, and that was after she had said out loud that she wanted me to train her to be my anal slut. And this is from an extremely shy woman who hardly ever opens her mouth in the bedroom.

Well, that was a few months ago and we've done some anal play since then, but we are still far away from having anal sex again. I've used a very small butt plug on her during foreplay, and a few times during sex. She has graduated to a slightly larger one but it's still very small and much much smaller than my thick cock. Once I was able to convince her to use her plug on her own time to get her asshole used to being stuffed, and she did wear it for 20 minutes while she was at her desk, but in general she doesn't not respond well to those kinds of suggestions. She can be submissive, but it only works if she initiates her submission, if that makes any sense.

And the latest is, last week she did invite me to use her body however I wanted, and unfortunately I was a little too ambitious. We have a 3rd plug that is a bit bigger than the one she has been using (still much smaller than my cock), and a bit harder (as opposed to the others which are just a little squishy), and she was responding so well to my finger in her ass I thought I would give it a go. I had her lubed up quite a bit and I tried to take my time to slide it in slowly, and it got nearly all the way in...and when she had moved up to the bigger plug the first time something similar had happened where I did have to give it a bit of a push to get it in, and she yelped, but once it was in she enjoyed it. However this time I pushed too hard and it was too painful for her. She cried a bit and we stopped with the anal play, although remarkably it didn't completely derail the sex session.

She has been a bit leery of going back to anal since then, but I am sure she will be ready to get back on the horse soon. I've just touched her ass a bit and pressed on it with my finger the last 2 times we had sex and she has been ok with it.

I'm not sure how to get her to the point where we can actually have anal sex though. I'm afraid that the frequency of anal play with the plugs is too low (once a week at *best*) and that it would have to be more often for her to really get ready for something bigger. Although, I'm sure I just need to be patient.

Assuming we do have anal sex, the idea of going anal only excites me greatly. I honestly don't think she would ever go for that, but wow it does sound amazing.

Anyway, if you read that much thanks for sticking it out I'd love to hear any suggestions or advice from those with more experience. It's nice to meet you all!

-Kink

[marcus]

Welcome!

No problem sticking it out. It's always good to hear the full story.

I honestly don't think she would ever go for that, but wow it does sound amazing.

You'd be surprised. Most of us never thought we'd be so lucky, but were fortunate to have found the right person to share this with. It can and does happen. And it sounds to me like the two of you are going about this in the best way for you. It's early days so hang in there and believe you can go anal only.

[kinkisgood]

Thanks for the encouragement, Marcus! I'll be sure to keep you all posted of any progress

[Marquis]

Would she be willing to take a prescribed anti-anxiety medication? Based on your experience with the pot I'm thinking that may help.

[kinkisgood]

Would she be willing to take a prescribed anti-anxiety medication? Based on your experience with the pot I'm thinking that may help.

For better or worse, she definitely wouldn't. Most of the time she won't even take an aspirin if she has a splitting headache! We experimented a bit when we were younger, but generally she really does't like not "feeling like herself."

[TheDirtyDon]

Hello and welcome.

Sound like taking a patient approach is the best course for now and increasing the frequency of your anal play if you can. Certainly found the more we talked openly about our desires and preferences with anal, the more frequent it became.

[kinkisgood]

@McMoose - thanks for the advice and the welcome!

Patience is definitely the name of the game. I've done my best to make sure she understands my ravenous desire for her asshole without putting pressure on her.

I know she knows I want it all the time. The tricky/challenging/frustrating part is just that when she gets really horny she is just as excited about anal as I am, but it is not so often she is in that state of mind.

She has never been able to orgasm very easily. With vaginal intercourse, the only way it is possible is if she is on top and grinding her clit into my pelvis, and that only happens when there has been a LOT of foreplay. But much more often than not, she isn't even interested in the foreplay. She is almost always up for the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am quickie style sex, which she loves, even though there is no chance of her having an orgasm.

The other way she can orgasm is using a vibrator, although only the hitachi magic wand seems to do the trick for her. And even with that, sometimes it can be hard for her to cum if she can't 'get her brain to turn off' (in her words). However, if she invites me to play with her while she is using the wand, and I manage to slide a finger up her ass while she is using it, she explodes in an orgasm every time, and usually pretty quickly.

Anyway, I know I just need to be patient and try and help her enjoy more anal play based orgasms and see what happens. But it's very nice to have a place to talk about such things!

[amorous945]

Hello, Kinkisgood, and welcome! One thing that I think would help tremendously (if your wife is open to self exploration?) would be for her to start doing some self anal play when she's alone. I honestly believe that anal sex is 90% mental and 10% technique. My "theory" is that "some" people are out of touch with their own bodies, and the best way to get over that is self exploration. She could start out with her fingers, and then move to a small, soft dildo or butt plug. Another thing, and a point seldom ever mentioned when it comes to receiving anal sex, is that when the anus first starts to expand, upon entry, the receiver should "push out" in the same way as when pooping. The anal muscle is used to expanding in this direction, as apposed to the other. This one technique (until a person learns the art of receiving) can help some people to receive anal sex without pain. This step is every much as important as going slow and using lots of lub, as these two steps are often still not enough for some people. In my opinion, there's just no reason for there to be such difficulty and pain associated with anal sex.

As a side note, my wife is a lot like yours in the orgasm department. Despite long foreplay sessions, clitoral stimulation or what have you, she has always had difficulty having orgasms and, when she does they are usually milder than the big "O" that most women are fortunate enough to experience regularly. She does enjoy sex, though.

[Canassman]

. Another thing, and a point seldom ever mentioned when it comes to receiving anal sex, is that when the anus first starts to expand, upon entry, the receiver should "push out" in the same way as when pooping. The anal muscle is used to expanding in this direction, as apposed to the other. This one technique (until a person learns the art of receiving) can help some people to receive anal sex without pain. This step is every much as important as going slow and using lots of lub, as these two steps are often still not enough for some people.


Boy I agree - when my wife figured this out - everything changed for us!

[kinkisgood]

. This one technique (until a person learns the art of receiving) can help some people to receive anal sex without pain.

Thanks for the tip! I will see if I can get my wife to give this a try.

One question though - is your implication that mastering the art of receiving is different from mastering this technique? I'd love to hear any thoughts on what else goes into that art. Thanks!