How to ask a guy to go anal only?
Re: How to ask a guy?
I've kind of given online dating a shot, though the only problem is that if I put anything about sex out there right off the bat, I basically ONLY get contacted about sex. No amount of explaining that I'm not JUST looking for sex (but have specific needs for sex) seems to reduce it. Maybe I need to work on that a bit more though, so thanks for suggesting it
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Re: How to ask a guy?
katie wrote:I've kind of given online dating a shot, though the only problem is that if I put anything about sex out there right off the bat, I basically ONLY get contacted about sex. No amount of explaining that I'm not JUST looking for sex (but have specific needs for sex) seems to reduce it. Maybe I need to work on that a bit more though, so thanks for suggesting it
This is precisely why I found it hard to give you a simple answer to your question. Anyone can find "sleazy" sexual encounters, but I understood that you're looking for much more than that. You're not in an easy place with simple answers, but I do believe that in time you will find what you're looking for. Hang in there.
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Re: How to ask a guy?
katie wrote:I've kind of given online dating a shot, though the only problem is that if I put anything about sex out there right off the bat, I basically ONLY get contacted about sex. No amount of explaining that I'm not JUST looking for sex (but have specific needs for sex) seems to reduce it. Maybe I need to work on that a bit more though, so thanks for suggesting it
I think you should see it as a price to pay to filter your research.
Yes, you will attract definitly men who want only sex, but you will also be able to find the lonely romantic guy who likes anal and couldn't find his anal princess.
Just make sure you won't miss him in the one into 100 messages.
This will be a great effort, but you should make things clear on your profile: you like anal, but that doesn't mean you're a slut.
Re: How to ask a guy?
katie wrote:I've kind of given online dating a shot, though the only problem is that if I put anything about sex out there right off the bat, I basically ONLY get contacted about sex. No amount of explaining that I'm not JUST looking for sex (but have specific needs for sex) seems to reduce it. Maybe I need to work on that a bit more though, so thanks for suggesting it
I have never done online dating but I have been on Tinder, OKC, and such and know what a pain it is to wade through the ocean of creepy messages and "nice guys" that I think putting that you want anal up front is probably a bad idea. Frankly I am surprised that a guy would insist on doing vaginal when you say it hurts. What kind of ass insists on something that you are not comfortable with? I would bring it up when you feel like you are ready to sleep with a guy, if he says no or "insists" on vaginal then you know it will not work. I don't think this is something you ask, but tell. It may kill the spontaneity but if its something important to you then it should be discussed.
Dating is a pain in general. I now my advice really doesn't help you in finding someone but the idea that a man "insists" on something I find very upsetting. I hope this helps in some way.
Re: How to ask a guy?
Guys who like anal sex aren't super uncommon, so keep your chin up. And try not to be afraid to firmly say no to vaginal. Goading someone into a sex act they don't want to perform is not okay. Excepting dom/sub couples, I guess? There's a handful of those at this board
... Eh, I gotta ask: do you only have anal sex because of vaginismus, or... ? And what about non-penetrative vaginal stimulation like oral sex and foreplay, would that still make you tense up?
... Eh, I gotta ask: do you only have anal sex because of vaginismus, or... ? And what about non-penetrative vaginal stimulation like oral sex and foreplay, would that still make you tense up?
Last edited by HalfHeart on Mon Aug 04, 2014 10:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
whowillloveyou
Re: How to ask a guy?
Regarding the online dating thing, a friend of mine actually put in the first paragraph of her profile that she preferred anal; some laughed, some were shocked, but also quite a bit of interest. Naturally she had to sift through the ones that were only interested in the sex, but that's pretty much the norm with online dating, right?
Otherwise, keep it as something to bring up from the third date onwards. But i guess sifting through who likes anal and who doesn't can't be too hard; in conversation with other guys, i've noticed it tends to be the alpha male types that are turned off by anal, who think it's just for gay men. The artsy and nerdy type of dudes i've talked to are more open minded and tend to be more interested in anal on the whole.
Otherwise, keep it as something to bring up from the third date onwards. But i guess sifting through who likes anal and who doesn't can't be too hard; in conversation with other guys, i've noticed it tends to be the alpha male types that are turned off by anal, who think it's just for gay men. The artsy and nerdy type of dudes i've talked to are more open minded and tend to be more interested in anal on the whole.
Re: How to ask a guy?
HalfHeart wrote:Guys who like anal sex aren't super uncommon, so keep your chin up. And try not to be afraid to firmly say no to vaginal. Goading someone into a sex act they don't want to perform is not okay. Excepting dom/sub couples, I guess? There's a handful of those at this board
... Eh, I gotta ask: do you only have anal sex because of vaginismus, or... ? And what about non-penetrative vaginal stimulation like oral sex and foreplay, would that still make you tense up?
No, I mean I like it a lot - I can actually orgasm from it, so that's a plus. Pretty much any vaginal stimulation like fingers/rubbing or oral either hurts a LOT or just doesn't do anything.
As far as my exes go, I think really it was hard for them to understand. I mean, some guys have erectile dysfunction but from what I understand it isn't agonizing, just ... embarrassing? I think the pressure was because they just didn't have anything to compare it to.
Re: How to ask a guy?
Guess you really do belong here, then.
That's understanding of you on behalf of your exes. I just have this mental image of a splay-legged girl cringing with this rapey dude looming over. Probably wasn't that dramatic, though.
I'm still considering your initial question, btw. My instinct either way would be a blunt approach. If they're repulsed, well you never have to see them again, do you? Unless, that is, he's a friend or acquaintance. That complicates things. Then you have to ask yourself if you're okay with people knowing.
Too much to factor in. I still say you should find some way to make online dating work. If my date irl brought up anal with no context I might assume the wrong thing. But even if a date goes disastrously it's only one wasted evening. Still preferable to kinda-sorta falling in love and THEN finding out your sex life is going to be weird.
Sorry for the novel, I'm shit at brevity!
That's understanding of you on behalf of your exes. I just have this mental image of a splay-legged girl cringing with this rapey dude looming over. Probably wasn't that dramatic, though.
I'm still considering your initial question, btw. My instinct either way would be a blunt approach. If they're repulsed, well you never have to see them again, do you? Unless, that is, he's a friend or acquaintance. That complicates things. Then you have to ask yourself if you're okay with people knowing.
Too much to factor in. I still say you should find some way to make online dating work. If my date irl brought up anal with no context I might assume the wrong thing. But even if a date goes disastrously it's only one wasted evening. Still preferable to kinda-sorta falling in love and THEN finding out your sex life is going to be weird.
Sorry for the novel, I'm shit at brevity!
whowillloveyou
Re: How to ask a guy?
It's difficult indeed finding a person into anal only. Imagine being a guy though, a lot more guys into anal than girls, by far, so getting a yes answer from a girl is harder. That's something I want to know early on when meeting a girl, that if she is into anal but obviously it's offensive asking before you get to know someone.
I can imagine as a girl, if you ask that question to a guy, you won't know whether he is interested in you or your butt. I can imagine the best time to bring this up is after a date or two.
I can imagine as a girl, if you ask that question to a guy, you won't know whether he is interested in you or your butt. I can imagine the best time to bring this up is after a date or two.
Re: How to ask a guy?
bmjj12341 is right. It would be much harder if the positions were reversed. A guy would be far more likely to be viewed negatively, or cause offence, by making this known than a female would be.
But thinking this over some more, I think perhaps a better way to go about this is to forget about making an issue of the anal thing. Naturally, we all like anal here, so we maybe get stuck on the idea of convincing people to have anal (for their own good, of course ). It is more important, and maybe less confusing, to stress the fact that you can't do vaginal. Let them work out the implications of that. You can always say that you are open to trying other things but due to a painful medical condition you wouldn't be able to have vaginal sex.
But thinking this over some more, I think perhaps a better way to go about this is to forget about making an issue of the anal thing. Naturally, we all like anal here, so we maybe get stuck on the idea of convincing people to have anal (for their own good, of course ). It is more important, and maybe less confusing, to stress the fact that you can't do vaginal. Let them work out the implications of that. You can always say that you are open to trying other things but due to a painful medical condition you wouldn't be able to have vaginal sex.