Question about men's feelings

[prettypink]

Re-posting because my browser lost everything last time I wrote this

What I wanted to know was how did the men here come to terms or accept that they like anal sex in a world which seems so against it? Or have you not?

I ask because a couple of my ex's had suffered rejection and feelings of guilt with their previous girlfriends around their desire for anal sex. These were guys with long-standing interest in it and also minimal attraction to vaginal or vagina's. What they had gone through had actually made them worse, so that it took a long time for them to open up about it.

Some men are perfectly fine with it, but I do often think that this is a common condition.

[French Lover]

Also I am perfectly fine with it right now. I have come through bad years, thinking I would be rejected by 99% of the women, and thus never be loved.

And even now, I think if I was less anal-centric, more "normal", it would be easier for me to be happy.

Today, my fiancée does not understand this passion, still many women did. More 50-50 than 99-1. Understanding does not mean they could go on AO, or even they could fully enjoy anal sex. Still, it is VERY important to be socially accepted.

[blizzak]

My fiance is slowing understand how I pefer anal over vaginal.... This has helped me explain that anal provides more Intense experience and that vaginal is for recreation... So far we have gone AO last 4 sex sessions... An she has "agreed" to do AO next 6 weeks .... Hopefully she doesn't back out

[taylork]

prettypink I thought for a long time there must be something wrong. I felt bad about wanting anal but no i see the problem is other people. I think those other people don't know what it is like, or are missing out, or just jealous.

[Kal El]

Since I've been married for a long time, and have only had anal with my wife I have never had to deal with society's view on anal. My wife and I view it like it is our bed so what others say doesn't matter. I've started posting though, to help others.

[assman99]

I realized very early on that I had an anal fetish. I am in my mid-30s now and I can remember as early as about 17 years old, the sight or thought of a woman's asshole got my blood boiling much faster than the vagina.

Earlier in life it was difficult to discuss it with girlfriends because especially then (15+ years ago), anal was not the mainstream porn menu item it has become today. Acceptance has grown by miles in the past ten years but when I was younger, you had to go out of your way to find specifically anal porn, and it was only done by a limited subset of actresses who were usually rougher chicks than the mainstream girls. So, back then, girls often had a negative view of it as being something only sluts would do or something that was very dirty.

As years went by, acceptance definitely grew. I have been in one anal-only relationship in the past (we went anal-only for well over a year before the relationship ended for reasons not at all related to the bedroom).

Today, I've been with my wife for seven years and while it's been a lot of work and patience to get there, she has finally started to discover that she adores anal play as well. I don't want to threadjack and will tell my own story in a thread for anyone interested in stories.

I think in today's world, it should be easier for guys to open up about anal fetishes. It is really common, and while there are still a lot of women who hold an unreasonably negative prejudice about it, the only thing that solves that is more open discussion.

If you search a site like reddit for female anal discussions, you will see it is almost divided down the middle between girls who are sick to death of men trying to get them to do anal and girls who have given it some honest attempts and now totally love it.

[prettypink]

Thanks for sharing beansman.

I'm curious that you describe your anal interest as a fetish. Does this mean you think of it as abnormal? Or is that how you think others see it?

[assman99]

Thanks for sharing beansman.

I'm curious that you describe your anal interest as a fetish. Does this mean you think of it as abnormal? Or is that how you think others see it?

Interesting question because you have me thinking about my own words. It may be that I have a different or possibly incorrect definition of fetish. When I call it a fetish, I mean to say that it's a pervasive fascination that I have very clearly identified is my primary interest and excitement trigger. If I want to look at pornography, it's is 100% anal only. I will actually not even bother downloading something if I spot vaginal in the screens because that's stuff I literally just skip right through. I *enjoy* having vaginal sex with my wife and the various other non-anal things we do, but watching other people do it has little or no effect on me. Anal sex or anal play, or just a nice wide open butthole makes my heart skip beats.

I do consider it abnormal in that it's not the common or "natural" (forgive the stupid word) path that people take, but I assume that's what draws so many people to it. But I don't think being unusual or out-of-the-norm is a bad thing at all. I tend to do everything in my life somewhat against the grain. I just use the term fetish to describe in no negative terms, the fact that the female anus is absolutely the main focus of my sexual mind.

Edit: On your other followup question, I do believe that many people perceive it as abnormal/dirty/bad/whatever, but that really has no bearing in my perception of it or my choice of the word fetish. I very much believe that we are perfectly normal healthy people who happen to be sexually aroused by some particular thing that isn't as commonly talked about as being an arousal factor.

[analsexonly]

A sexual fetish is just something out of the ordinary that someone requires in order to be sexually gratified. I don't think the term is inherently negative, it just implies that it's perhaps unusual.

[prettypink]

I think we may be using different definitions of "fetish" - I realize it has become a catchall term for a particular kink or sexual preference.
I'm using the more strict definition:

"a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.".

It doesn't matter beansman, you've explained yourself clearly.